The Girl in the Mirror 2 (Harry Styles fanfic)

Chapter 26

Chapter 26

Mark’s POV

I stare at Sienna intently, she stares back at me and there is a look of uncertainty in her eyes. She almost seems lost. Her eyes aren’t bright blue, nor do they sparkle, like they usually do. She normally always has a smile and a sparkle in her eyes, when she is around me. She doesn’t today. Instead, she looks broken and tired, which makes me want to fix her. All I have ever wanted to do is to fix her and to make everything better for her. I just wish everyone over the years, who she has dealt with, had the same intentions as me. They didn’t though and that’s the sorrowful world we live in these days. The only thing people want to do is take from you and she let too many people take from her.
Her gaze remains focused on me, waiting for me to speak and tell her what I know. Her stare is intense, making me shift from side to side, feeling uncomfortable in the cushioned chair. I need a moment to prepare myself, prepare myself to finally tell her the truth. It all seems so easy to say in my head, but out loud it is a different story. It’s never nice telling someone, something bad about the person they love. I don’t even know if she will believe me, she might think I’m a liar. I hope she can see I am just looking out for her, like always.
There is also how she will handle this news, if she does believe me. The last thing I want to do is to hurt her, especially when she is already so fragile. I don’t want to make this all harder for her, but she has a right to know. If it was me in her position I would want to know and I think she will want to know too. She’d be more pissed off if I kept this from her.
There is one quality, which I have always prided myself on and that’s being a trustworthy and honest person. I wouldn’t be a true friend to her, if I kept this from her. She has every right to know what the person, who claims to love her, was doing, whilst she was nearly dying. That scumbag was sleeping with someone else, whilst she was in agonising pain and giving birth to their premature son. He should have been there with her, but he couldn’t even be bothered in answering his phone. I was the one who was here, beside her, helping her, whilst he was off doing someone else. I can’t even imagine what could have happened if I hadn’t answered my phone. Who would she have called next? It isn’t even worth thinking about, it enrages me too much to think about it.

“Go on, tell me” she urges.

I can tell by the way she looks at me and the look in her eyes, that she knows something is going on. She isn’t stupid, she never has been stupid, just naïve at times. That isn’t a bad thing though, she just has a good heart. I take a deep breath in and out, preparing myself to tell her. Those few seconds of silence, feel like minutes and it somehow makes it all seem worse. I’m actually scared of telling her, I’m scared of her reaction. I don’t mean scared for me, I mean I’m scared for her.
Time keeps ticking by, making it all harder to deal with and harder to say out loud. She moves slightly and she reaches her hand out to me, in a sweet gesture. I quickly take her hand, feeling her hand lock in place with mine and she squeezes mine gently. There is something soothing about her simple touch, it makes things feel easier.

“Whatever it is Mark, just tell me. I can handle it.”

She sounds so confident, but I know deep down she isn’t. She can’t just handle this, she can’t handle him breaking her heart all over again. Fuck, she doesn’t deserve this, not again.
I have to remember though she is a stronger woman now. I haven’t given hr enough credit for how far she has come since the attack from Mitch. She’s an inspiration, she has fought death and abuse, still living to tell the tale. She’s handled worse things than this, she has handled similar in the past, but they were under different circumstances. I have to keep seeing her as the strong woman she is now and see that she has been through worse. She has got though other shit in the past and survived. It all made her stronger. I just hope she can cope with the pain, the pain he always brings her.

“It’s about Harry” I start to tell her.

She nods her head, as I speak, showing me she understands. I bet she already has her suspicions, she isn’t stupid. She doesn’t seem surprised, alarmed or even ready to guess what I am about to tell her. She stays quiet, waiting for me to continue.
She doesn’t change, her body language and facial expression, all remain the same. She is either really good at hiding her upset, or she has no clue what I am about to tell her. I feel my heart sink for her, imaging it is the latter. I wish I wasn’t the one having to do this, but that coward would never tell her the truth.

“I kept calling him on his mobile, after we got here, but he never answered. He eventually called me back, after he got my voicemail. I told him to get here and when he came, I could tell from the second I saw him that he’d been drinking. He stunk of liquor and even worse I could smell women’s perfume on him. I wasn’t going to say anything to him, but then she turned up. That ex-girlfriend of his with the blonde hair, Paige. He was hugging her and I knew then he’d spent the night with her. He started asking me not to tell you about her, but I think you have a right to know. He was having sex with her, whilst you were terrified and in agonising pain. He’s selfish Sienna, fucking selfish.”

I finish speaking, barely pausing for a breath. I allow my words to sink in and I wait for her to speak, I wait for her reaction. I wait for her to cry and then get angry. I wait for her to curse him out, calling him every name under the sun. I keep waiting, but she doesn’t do any of those things. She reacts completely different to what I thought she would. Basically, she does nothing, she just stares back at me, calmly. The calm Sienna is more unnerving than the angry Sienna.

“Okay.”

That’s all she says to me, just a simple okay. She doesn’t cry or swear, not a bad word is spoken about him and not another word passes her lips. Her body language and posture don’t change either. Her facial expression stays the same and it all makes me feel confused and uneasy. Either, she doesn’t give a shit what he does anymore, she already suspected he’d been up to no good, or she doesn’t believe me. It cuts me deep to think that she might not believe me. Why would I lie about something like this?

“Sienna, I’m telling you the truth. I swear that’s what happened, I would never lie to you.”

I try to convince her that I’m telling the truth. I need her to believe me, I need her to see that I have her best interests at heart. I always have and I always will. I didn’t want to tell her what he has been up to, I wouldn’t have told her, but I thought she needed to know. I don’t want her to hate me for telling her the truth.

“I know you wouldn’t lie to me, don’t worry. I appreciate you telling me about it.”

She gives me a small smile and then she lays her head back on the pillow. She stares up at the ceiling, staring intently at the light fixtures on the ceiling. She bites down on her bottom lip, not showing any sign of emotion as she does. She sighs loudly and I can tell she is containing her emotions. She doesn’t need to be strong in front of me, I would never judge her for having emotion or for being upset.

“I really want to see him” she sighs.

I fury my brow together, hearing her say those words. Why the fuck does she want to see him? The thought of her forgiving him infuriates me. She should cut him out of her life completely. She should never want to see him again, after what I’ve just told her. He’s a waste of fucking space and I hope that one day soon she sees that.

“I just want to see if he’s okay. I want to know if he looks like me, or not” she says softly.

I realise then that she is talking about the baby and not Harry. She wants to see her baby, she wants to hold him, like every mum should be able to do. She is rightly more concerned about the baby, than she is about Harry. I’m glad, he doesn’t deserve a single thought or concern from her.
She is probably imagining the worst, right now. She’ll see soon though that it will all work out. She deserves it all to work out. I know the baby will be okay and so will she, I’ll make sure of it.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be able to see him soon” I assure her.

She slowly nods, silently agreeing with me. I can see her thoughts, all trailing around her head and her trying to work it all out. She seems so alone and I want to tell her that she will never be alone, not whilst I’m still around. I wish she could see me, how she sees me. I wish she knew that I would never treat her like he does. I would cherish every second of being with her and being beside her. I wouldn’t take it all for granted, like that arsehole does.

“I’m sorry for everything that he has done to you.”

“Don’t be” she tells me.

“I’d never treat you the way he does. I would treat you right, always, if you were with me.”

She turns her head to look at me and I can see the slight confusion on her face by my words. I am being over sentimental and she knows it. She knows there is so much more to come and so much more for me to say. I hope she is ready to hear it because I can’t stop it, not now. It’s like vomit, pouring out of me, without me being able to stop it.

“If you were with me, I’d treat you right, like you’ve always deserved to be treated. I would cherish you and the ground you walk on. I’d love every single piece of you, on your good days and bad days. I’d make sure you knew every single day how much I love you and how important you are. I’d treat you like a princess because you’ve always been a princess to me. I’d love you until my very last breath, I will love you until the day I die.”

I have finally said it, I have finally told her exactly how I feel. I wish it could have been under different circumstances, but the words just come pouring out sometimes. I couldn’t help it, the timing felt right and I felt like she had to finally know. She deserves to know that she is my world and that I love her truly. She needs to know that she is that important to someone. I would literally do anything for her, anything she asked.
I’m not like Harry, I am nothing like that fuck up. I have a heart, which is owned by her, the one. She will always be my one and maybe one day I will be her one too.
She stares at me, her eyes open slightly wider and her lips parted. She has an element of confusion on her face, but an element of certainty too. I think deep down she already knew this, she already knew how I felt.

“Are you trying to tell me you love me?” she asks.

She wants me to confirm my words, making sure she understands them properly first. I’m taking her calmness as a good sign. I always envisioned her slapping me across the face and telling me to get out, when I eventually told her how I feel. I’m relieved she hasn’t reacted like that, it would kill me if she did.

“Yes, I’ve always loved you. It’s always been you Sienna, always. I always felt something more for you, it just took me a while to see it” I admit.

She smiles back at me lightly, a friendly smile, but that’s all it is. There is no deep burning love there, it is just a friendship love. I can see it in her eyes, she doesn’t feel the same. She doesn’t love me, not how I love her. I knew she didn’t love me, not really, but I still had a small element of hope inside me. I had hoped that she did love me and that somehow we would live happily ever after. I know that sounds stupid and cheesy, especially for a bloke to say, but that’s how I feel. I can’t help wanting her to have her happy ending with me.

“I’m so sorry, Mark.”

I smile and nod as she speaks, accepting it graciously. She doesn’t need to say sorry or to explain it to me. I don’t need her to justify the way she feels about me or anything else. I can accept that she doesn’t feel the same and I won’t hold it against her. She can’t help how she feels, in the same way that I can’t help how I feel about her.

“The timing, our timing is wrong” she advises “It will probably always be wrong.”

I smile at her, even though my heart is crumbling inside me. Obviously, I’m hurt by her words, but I’m not bitter. I’m not angry that she doesn’t love me back, I never would be. She’s Sienna, the girl I’ve known since we were both teenagers. The girl I have seen hitting breaking lows and rewarding highs. We’ve partied together and relaxed together. We’ve fought and made friends. We’ve been through a lot and we’re still united.
I wasn’t expecting anything from her, I never would. She can’t help that I fell in love with her. She can’t help being irresistible and that every guy she meets ends up falling for her. She can’t help being who she is, being Sienna. That’s what makes her so special, those simple words. She’s Sienna.

“I know, it’s okay” I smile.

Her eyes start to flutter again and she forces them open. She is trying to stay awake for me, but I’d rather her get some rest. Her eyes fall again, I don’t protest and I let her fall asleep. I wait for a few minutes, making sure she is asleep, before I let go of her hand and then I stand up. I gently lean in, bending down to her and I lay a light kiss on her forehead. I quietly walk to the door and when I reach it, I take one last look at her. She looks beautiful, as always. I hope she makes the right decision for her this time and I hope that somehow, I managed to help her with it.

Harry’s POV

The hours have passed by and I am still sat in the same chair, waiting. I hold my head in my hands and I try to release some of the pent up stress, which has quickly built up, but it isn’t going anywhere. I’m still worked up, stressed and on the edge. I just need my mum to get here now. How much longer will she be?
I have remained here, in this same spot, since I called my mum and I haven’t made any attempt to move. I haven’t bothered to look for Paige, Mark or to get an update on Sienna. I just feel so weak, literally lifeless and it stops me from moving. I can’t even get off this seat, I’m aching too much. I just need my mum, I need her to make everything better.
I keep watching the white clock on the wall, which is ticking loudly. The noise is irritating me, but I can’t stop staring at it. I keep counting down the seconds, waiting for my mum to get here. She will be here any minute, she has to be.
I am almost in a daze, a while later, when I hear loud heeled footsteps emerging into the hospital. I manage to turn my eyes away from the clock to see my mum, looking frantic. She looks around confused and full of worry, trying to figure out where she needs to go. She hasn’t spotted me yet, her pathetic son, sat amongst the crowd. She won’t notice me over here, amongst the normality. I should probably be crying, wailing even, but I’m not. I’m just sat here, like a normal person, like my life isn’t all falling apart.
She looks tired, the long drive down here from Cheshire, taking it out of her. She won’t be as tired as I am though, which is my own fault. I shouldn’t have been up late, drinking and sleeping with someone else. I should have been at the hotel with Sienna, making everything better.

“Mum” I call in her direction.

I need her to see me, so I can distract myself from the horrible thoughts in my head. The guilt is becoming too much and I need her to help me with it. I watch her, as her eyes dart around the room, until they meet mine. Her face is filled with concern and she quickly rushes to me. The moment she reaches me she engulfs me in her arms, pulling me to my feet and she hugs me tightly. I wrap my arms around her and it feels like old times. I feel like she is starting to love me again. Her perfume fills my senses, that familiar smell, which always makes everything seem a little bit better. I needed this, I needed her.

“What’s happened love?” she asks.

She keeps hold of me, which I need, I need her to hold me. I need her to hold me, until everything is better. I need her to make everything okay again. That’s what your mum does, isn’t it? It’s like when you fall and cut your knee, when you’re little. It hurts and stings, making you cry, but the moment your mum comforts you the pain eases. She always made things better, even in my adult years. I need her to do that now, to ease my pain.

“Sienna’s had the baby, she’s had him early and I don’t think they’re going to make it. I think they are going to die.”

I start to cry as I speak, realising how serious this all is. It always seems much more serious when you speak the words out loud. She hugs me tighter, soothing me as she does. I’ve been such an idiot, I’ve only thought about myself. I haven’t even been back to check if there is any update on either of them. It was hours ago, when I was there last, something serious could have happened and I wouldn’t even know. I need my mum to come with me, I can’t face all of this alone.

“We’ll go and talk to the doctors, see if they can tell us anymore.”

I nod at her words, knowing I need to face the truth eventually. She wraps her arm around me, holding me closely and we walk together towards the wards. My racing heart has slowed down and I can almost think straight again. My mum has managed to ease my fears, by just being here.
I tell her the directions to the intensive care unit and she takes me there. I start to feel tenser though, the nearer we get. I have to speak through a speaker, before they will give us access to the intensive care unit.
The nurse on the desk smiles, as she sees me walking into the unit and she tells us to go through. I take my mum inside and we stand by the door, looking in at the incubator, where her first grandchild lays.
I don’t know if she wants to see him, after everything that has been said in the past. I want her to see him though and to touch him. I want to replace the image in my head, of Paige being the first person to touch him. I should have stopped her, I shouldn’t have let that happen. It should have been either me or Sienna, who touched him first.  

“Do you want to see him?” I ask.

She nods, taking hold of my hand and she squeezes my hand gently. I hope this means we can move forward, I need her and Sienna by my side. I show her where to sanitize her hands, which she does with no questions. I take her inside, once we are done and I lead her to the incubator, showing her my son. I don’t think I will ever get use to saying my son. I don’t feel like a dad, I’m too selfish to be someone’s dad.
She stares inside the incubator at the tiny life. She gasps and then she starts to cry, reacting the way I should have done. He looks even smaller than last time, if that’s even possible.

“Can I touch him?”

Her words are full of emotion and her eyes are fixed on him, my boy. I nod, taking her hand and I carefully feed it inside the incubator, so she can touch him. Her fingers gently lay on his skin and she strokes them up and down his arm. She whimpers as she touches him and her fingers keep moving up and down his skin. I wonder if she loves him, if she feels a bond with him.

“He’s beautiful” she whimpers.

She uses her spare hand to wipe her tears away from beneath her eyes. I wish I could speak so freely about him, like she is doing. I have no idea how to express the confusion inside. I have this horrible feeling of nothing, I feel nothing when I look at him. I think I’m just in shock, it has to be shock.
I mean all I have ever wanted is to have a family, especially with Sienna. I’ve dreamt of me and her living happily ever after, but it doesn’t feel right. I don’t feel like we are a family. I will probably feel more when I know Sienna will be okay and when I get some sleep. I’m going to put this all down to the lack of sleep and the unknown.

“He has your nose, that’s a Styles nose, if I have ever seen one.”

I move closer, finally having a proper look at him. I stare at his nose, but I don’t see any resemblance. I don’t see what my mum is talking about, but I’m distracted by all of the tubes and wires, fixed to him. I can’t see his face properly because of all of them.

“He’s perfect, you should be proud” she claims.

She turns to me, wrapping her arms around me and hugging me tightly. She cries as she hugs me and I just hug her back, not knowing how to comfort her. I feel like I’m not here, my body is, but my mind isn’t.

“Sorry, I hope I’m not intruding” I hear from the door.

I turn around, letting go of my mum, as she turns to the door too. The nurse from earlier, stands by the door and she is staring at us. She has a caring smile on her face and her black hair up in a bun. She has kind brown eyes and a soft, relaxing voice. She seems like a nice woman, I’m grateful that she is so approachable.

“Hi, I’m the nurse who’s caring for the baby” she tells my mum.

“Hi, I’m the grandmother, Anne.”

It sounds strange, hearing my mum refer to herself as a grandmother. This is something she has always wanted, but not like this. I don’t think she would want it with all the hate and tension. I didn’t want it like this either, I wanted everyone to get on. 

“I’m Safia” the nurse introduces herself, allowing me to learn her name too.

She moves closer into the room, standing beside my mum and she stares inside the incubator too.

“I’m here if you have any questions on baby Styles or Sienna.”

I didn’t even think about naming the baby, I have no clue what I want to call him. Sienna told me a few names, which she liked, but I didn’t pay much attention. I don’t want to be responsible for naming him, so I will leave it up to Sienna. I need to know how she is, I need to know if she will be okay.

“Is there any news on Sienna? Is she awake yet?” I ask.

The nurse looks at me, her brows creasing in confusion and my heart starts to race. I don’t like the way she is looking at me. Has something happened that I don’t know about?

“She woke up a couple of hours ago. Her doctor, the one who’s been treating her, went to the waiting room to inform you all.”

“He never told me!” I snap.

It all suddenly clicks into place, infuriating me further. My jaw tenses, my teeth clench together and my hands tighten into fists. I know who the doctor told, he told that fucker, Mark! I bet he is with her now, telling her everything and making out like I don’t give a shit about her. I will fucking kill him, I swear.

“Can you take me to her, now!” I demand.

The nurse nods and I turn to my mum, asking her to stay here. The last thing I want is for her and Sienna to start arguing, it’s the last thing everyone needs. My mum agrees and I rush away, leaving her behind.
I follow Safia down the corridor and she updates me on Sienna’s progress. She advises the blood transfusion went well and that Sienna is just resting now. I feel so relieved that I could almost cry with relief. Thank God, she is going to be okay. I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders at the news.
We quickly reach Sienna’s private room and the nurse leaves me alone, so I can have time on my own with Sienna. I knock on the door and I slowly open, relieved when I don’t see Mark inside. I would smash his face against the concrete wall if he had been here.
My eyes trail down the bed, where my girl lays, with her eyes closed. She looks pale and exhausted, dark bags beneath her eyes. I slowly walk inside, sitting in the seat, which is set up beside the bed. I bet he was sat here, I bet he was holding her hand. I hate him, I fucking hate him!

“Sienna” I say.

I gently touch her, trying to wake her up. Her eyes slowly start to open and when they are fully open, she stares at me. Her blue eyes are cold and lifeless. I’m not surprised, she has already been through so much and there is more to come. She went through something traumatic and I wasn’t there. I wasn’t there for her, just like all the other times before.
I take her hand in mine and I take it as a good sign that she doesn’t pull it away from my grip. She lets me stroke my thumb over her hand and I slowly start to feel better. I start to feel normal again, feeling like the broken pieces inside me are being fixed. This is what happens, I’m a mess. I’m a complete mess without her. I’m so fucking stupid. I never see how good she is for me and how good she makes me feel, until we are parted. I only know how bad it feels when I am back with her and the pain starts to descend. I’m not myself, when I’m not with her.

“Hi” I say gently.

“Hi” she responds.

I move her hand to my lips and I lay my lips gently on her hand, kissing her. She watches me and her lips, turn down into a frown. She still looks beautiful, even at a time like this. She is still the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.

“How are you feeling?” I ask.

“Tired.”

Her answers are simple, but at least she can speak now. There were times when I thought I would never hear her speak again. The thought of that makes me feel sick.

“I’m tired too” I tell her.

She turns her head away, staring at the opposite wall. I know then that I have said the wrong thing, I shouldn’t have said that. I have no right to say I’m tired, when she has been through what she has today.

“Have you seen the baby?” she asks.

“Yes.”

She quickly turns to look at me, hope shining in her eyes. There are tears forming in the corner of her eyes, thinking about him. She hasn’t seen him yet, I can see that now. I feel guilty now for not appreciating my time with him, like she would have done. I would appreciate seeing him now, now that I’m of sane mind.

“What is he like? Does he look like me?”

She stares at me desperately, wanting to know about him, but I don’t really know what to say. I didn’t take full notice of his appearance, it was too hard with all the wires.

“He has my nose.”

I use the bit of information, which my mum mentioned. It was the only thing she said, which registered with me. Her frown has gone and it has been replaced by a light smile. She squeezes my hand, tighter and I feel even better.

“I can’t wait to meet him, I want to kiss him and cuddle him.”

I always knew she’d be a great mother and that she would instantly have a mother’s instinct. She wants to love him in the way she was never loved, as a child.

“We need a name for him” I remind her.

She stares at me and I can tell she is thinking about it. There were a few names, which she had comprehended, but there was never one decided on. She kept changing her mind, which is her prerogative.

“I like Freddy” she advises.

Is it wrong that I don’t care what his name is? She can call him anything that she wants, so I nod my head, agreeing with her. She smiles lightly and she seems satisfied with her choice. Freddy Styles. I’m not overly keen on it, but as long as she is happy, so am I.
We sit in silence for a while, me not knowing what to say and her being too tired to speak. I find myself starting to drift into sleep, not bothering what my mum is doing. She will understand that I need to be beside Sienna.

“I love you” I tell her, half asleep.

She doesn’t respond and I assume she is asleep. I close off my mind, finally falling asleep too.

Sienna’s POV

I force my eyes open, as I hear a soft knock on the door. Harry starts to stare from his sleep and I discreetly let go of his hand. I don’t know how long we have both been asleep for, but I’m still tired, so it can’t have been that long.
I watch the door as it slowly opens and my doctor walks inside. He smiles at me, making me relax. He has been amazing, really attentive and caring towards me. I needed him and his calm presence.

“Hello Sienna” he speaks.

I smile at him and Harry quickly sits up, realising my doctor’s presence. I can tell by Doctor Chance’s eyes that he isn’t here with good news, which makes my heart race. The doctor stands beside Harry and they shake hands.

“I’m Doctor Chance, Sienna’s doctor” he informs Harry.

“I’m Harry, Sienna’s partner” Harry returns.

Doctor Chance sits on the edge of my bed near the bottom, with his clipboard in his hand. He places his hand gently on my leg, which is covered by the sheets. He’s an attractive man, with dark hair, which is all combed back. I bet he is lovely to be with, I bet he never cheats on his partner.
I like that Doctor Chance is so informal with me these days. He tells me things straight and I feel like I can trust him. It is so hard to find a doctor you can trust.

“I’m afraid I’m not here with good news” he advises.

I take a deep breath, biting the inside of my cheek, so I don’t cry. I want to be strong, I don’t want to be weak.

“We’ve had the test results back and they confirm what we already suspected, the baby has downs syndrome.”

I’m not upset by the news, I had already come to terms with it. I knew in my heart that he had downs syndrome. I feel Harry take my hand in his, I know he hasn’t accepted that possibility and he wasn’t prepared for the news. I don’t look at him though, knowing if I do I will cry.

“I’m so sorry, but it isn’t looking good” he advises.

His words make my bottom lip tremble and the tears form in my eyes. It doesn’t matter how hard I bite the inside of my cheek, the tears won’t stop coming. I know what’s coming, I’m not stupid and I am slowly starting to unravel.

“The baby’s lungs haven’t developed properly and he has a problem called respiratory distress syndrome. It basically means his lungs can’t absorb enough oxygen. We’ve given him medication, but we haven’t seen much improvement. He’s got an infection too, he’s on a breathing machine, but it isn’t looking good. The next twenty four hours are crucial, but I’m being honest, when I say I don’t expect him to make it through the night.”

The tears fall thick and fast down my face and I cry silently. The pain crawls through my body, fixing to me piece by piece. This can’t be happening, this can’t be happening!! I can’t be losing my baby, my only light. This is my only chance to be a mother, I will never get this chance again.

“We have a priest on standby, who can baptize him. That’s if you want him to be baptized.”

I nod slowly and I’m full on sobbing now. My heart feels like it has been ripped out and it is being smashed against the wall. I turn to Harry and he stares at me emotionless. There are no tears in his eyes, which don’t display any pain or hurt. I can’t judge him though, who am I to judge how he deals with this.

“Please can I see him?” I cry.

Doctor Chance nods, staring at me sympathetically. I break in front of him, laying on this bed. I will never be the same again, I will never be me again.

“We will make sure you see him shortly. I’m so sorry Sienna, we are still doing all we can.”

He slowly stands up, leaving us alone, so we can grieve alone. I cry out in pain, more pain than I have ever felt before. How can this be happening? How am I meant to carry on? How can I live with myself, when this is all my fault?