The Girl in the Mirror 2 (Harry Styles fanfic)

Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Harry’s POV

The moment I wake up my head starts to pound. It actually feels like a hammer is hitting me in the head, over and over again. I open my eyes slightly, immediately closing them again. The morning light is shining into the room through a gap in the curtains, almost blinding me. My entire body aches and I let a small groan leave my mouth.

Why did I drink last night?
What was I thinking?

My arrogance has done this, it has made me feel like this. I knew the moment I let the wine hit the inside of my mouth that I was asking for trouble. I knew I shouldn’t have been drinking it, I didn’t even want it. I just wanted to prove a point and to show everyone that I have full control now. The drink doesn’t control me, nobody controls me, not even Sienna.
That’s the problem we have and it drives me mad. She has complete control over everything and I am sick of it. I am sick of her telling me what to do and last night I wanted to show her she can’t control everything, especially not me. I felt like I was proving to everyone I’m my own person now. I’m not controlled by my management, my family, my band mates or my girlfriend. I decide what I want now, only me.
There is one thing that last night proved to me, I won’t be drinking again. I didn’t know the alcohol could so easily control me again, even though I won’t admit to anyone else. I didn’t know my limits, hence why I am in this state now. I couldn’t stop myself after the first drink and it soon all spiralled out of control, like it always does. I clearly don’t know my limitations and I don’t ever want to feel this rough again.
I rub my eyes, wiping the gathered sleep out of them. I manage to fully open my eyes, sitting up slightly and groaning as I do. I stare around the suite, seeing my discarded clothes on the floor. I’m thankful that I at last got back here, I just have no idea how I managed it though. I can’t remember a single thing that happened last night. I look to the side of me to see Sienna isn’t there.

Fuck!

I bet she is furious with me and I imagine any second now she is going to come in here and rip my head off. She has every right to be mad at me. I’ve been a dick, I’m always a dick! I can’t handle a fight today, my head can’t handle it. I feel shit enough as it is, without her going crazy at me.
I sit up fully and my head aches even more than I ever thought possible. I hold my head in my hands, letting out a deep throaty groan.

Go away hangover!
Fuck off!

I hear the sound of the door opening and it squeaks slightly as it does. I unwillingly look over to the door and I see Sienna entering the room. She stares back at me and she doesn’t look as furious as I expected her to look. I take that as a good sign, but I know how unpredictable she is. I don’t relax just yet, I can’t relax until we get this inevitable argument out of the way.
She walks to the bed, carrying a cup of steaming coffee in her hand. The smell of the coffee wafts through the room and as it reaches my senses, it somehow eases my aching head. She passes me the cup and I take it from her, giving her an apologetic smile. I take a large mouthful of the coffee, the heat and sweetness soothing my aching throat in an instance. She passes me a strip of painkillers as well as she climbs into the bed beside me. I take two tablets from the packet, washing them down with my coffee and I hope they will help me with my hangover.

“Rough?” she questions me.

Her words come out softly, but they still manage to come out as more of a statement than a question.

“Yeah” I say hoarsely.

My voice still sounds raspy, aching with every sound I make and every attempt I make to speak. She smiles lightly, seeming to take satisfaction in my discomfort. I can’t blame her for that, I was an arsehole last night. She pulls her IPad out from under her arm, curling her body inwards towards me. I am pleasantly pleased and relieved by her reaction to me. I expected there to be World War 3, but it seems that she has forgiven me.
She slides her finger across her IPad screen and she starts to mess around on it. The picture on the IPad is of us and I smile into my cup of coffee, remembering the photograph being taken. I don’t pay attention as she starts to browse through the internet. I give my coffee my whole attention, holding it tightly between my hands. Sienna honestly makes the best coffee, nobody can make coffee like her. She manages to make it just sweet enough and yet not too overpowering, which most people do with coffee.

“So I did something this morning baby” she says sweetly to me.

I know by the way she is speaking to me that she has done something that she probably shouldn’t have done. How can I be mad at her though after the way I behaved last night?

“Hmm go on” I encourage.

I am not overly interested in what she has to say, I know it will be something related to clothes or something like that. I do like this side of her though, the sweet side of her because I don’t see it often.
I feel like shit, so I can’t care too much. I know I am a selfish bastard, I always have been though and so has she. I don’t know how, but it somehow still works for us.  
She moves her IPad closer to my view and tilts it towards me, so I can see the screen she is looking at. I stare at the screen, my brow instinctively crinkling as I do. I look at her smiling face, before looking back at the screen. I have no idea what is going on or why she is showing this to me.
The website she is on is for a large castle, set somewhere in Scotland. There are fields of green grass surrounding the castle, along with trees and wild flowers. The castle isn’t what alarms me, it’s the words ‘Perfect Wedding Location’ that does. Why is she showing me this?

“I called them and arranged a viewing towards the end of the week, I really want to see it first” she advises.

My head starts spinning and my heart racing. The room feels like it is swirling and closing in on me.  Is she fucking crazy? There is no sane person in the world who would randomly do something like this. I have no idea what she is thinking and I can’t hide the horror on my face.

“Are you mad?” she asks concerned.

I can’t even speak, I can’t say a single damn word. These are the antics of a bunny boiler! These are antics of a desperate woman, who is trying to trap me. Everything is going fine, I don’t get why she is suddenly springing marriage on to me.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think you would mind. I’ll cancel it, I got ahead of myself. I was just excited and I have always secretly wanted to get married there. I thought you’d love it too, I will cancel though and we can look at something we both agree on” she rambles, disappointedly.

I stare at her sad face, her pouting lips and the disappointment in her eyes. It hits me like a lightning bolt, all at once and then everything comes crashing back to me. I suddenly remember everything from last night, everything I said and did are clear again.
I remember getting into bed beside her, hardly being able to even string a sentence together. I was drunk, so fucking drunk! I swear anything I said last night should be wrote off and ignored. I know I asked her to marry me, I said I wanted to marry her and she said yes! Of course she said fucking yes! She loves me, really loves me, so why wouldn’t she say yes.
I don’t know what to say or what to do, I just clutch my coffee mug tightly. I am furious, fucking furious with myself. This is why I don’t drink, I make stupid irrational decisions when I am drunk. It’s not like I can tell her now it’s been a misunderstanding and that I was too drunk to know what I was really doing. That won’t go down well. I can’t say if I was sober it would have been the last thing I’d have considered doing.
I do love her and I want to spend my life with her, but I don’t want to rush this. I don’t want to rush it and fuck it up like the first time around. I wanted to take our time and do things right this time. I don’t understand why she would want to rush into this either. Why would either one of us want to come crashing back into marrying each other? Especially when we made such a mess of it the first time around. I don’t have a choice now though. I can’t back out and hurt her all over again.

“No, it looks amazing. I really want to see it too” I assure her.

The smile quickly reappears on her face and she squeezes my leg affectionately.

“I knew you’d love it too”.

I smile at her, even though I feel sick to my very core. My hangover catapults to new painful heights. It’s her smile that makes me feel worse though, her beautiful true smile. I have made her happy, like I always want to do, but long term neither one of us will be happy. I can only see this going one way, down the same destructive path as before.

Sienna’s POV