The Girl in the Mirror 2 (Harry Styles fanfic)

Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Liam's POV

The tension in the room could be cut with a knife, the room filled with a shivering silence. I don't know what to do or where to even look. Everyone is the same, awkwardly looking around and nobody is quite sure what to do.
Louis runs his hand through his hair, he taps his foot vigorously on the floor and he just stares at the spot Harry was stood in, just moments ago. I can tell he is worked up, his lips are pressed firmly together and his body is shaking tensely. I have no idea what has just happened or what's even going on, it doesn't make any sense.
I watch Paul as he paces the room, hands whaling in the air and profanities leaving his mouth. He's on the verge of a break down as he pulls on the root of his hair. Everyone's eyes are trailing from Louis to Paul, back and forth between the pair.
I have a million thoughts rushing through my head and I can't make sense of any of them. My head hurts, causing a shooting pain to hit my temples, making me rub them with my finger to soothe the pain. I close my eyes and the only thing I can see is Louis, making a move on Sienna. This can't be true, he wouldn't do that. He wouldn't try it on with her, would he?
He was the one who was furious when he heard about her sleeping with Harry again. He called them both every name under the sun when I told him she was having Harry's baby. He's always been the one who has stood up against her and now I can't help wondering if this is why. Did he always stand up against her because she rejected him?
I want to believe he is better than that and that he wouldn't do that to me or even to Harry. He wouldn't destroy our friendships like Harry and Zayn have done in the past, would he? He wouldn't betray Eleanor, the only girl he has ever claimed to love. He's always acted so innocent and like the good guy, but now it seems he's no better. He's just as bad as that traitor, Harry.
I have so many questions I want to ask and so many things I need to understand, but I know by the angry state he is in, I won't get any answers. He's not going to tell me anything, when he is behaving so irrationally and being so unpredictable.
I look around the room my eyes resting on Niall. He is sat deep in thought, a frown forming on his lips and his brow crinkling. He is just staring at Louis, looking at him like he has no clue who he is and what he has done. The difficult thing for Niall is he is good friends with Sienna, so he isn't going to want to hear anybody saying anything bad about her. He stayed unusually quiet and serious when I told everyone what was going on with Sienna and Harry. He had to bite his lips a few times, when Louis started to go into a rant about her. It's an uncomfortable situation for all of us to be in.
I have felt uncomfortable myself a few times with how Louis has spoken about Sienna, him always blaming her for everything that has happened between us all. I can't help thinking now if all of that hate was because he was secretly pissed off at her for rejecting him. There are so many questions and so many things to consider, I don't even know where to start.
My eyes move over to Zayn, he has remained seated the entire time. He hasn't moved or said anything, not since I told them what the pair of them had done. He sits with his hand covering his mouth and he seems to be deep in thought. I would like to know his thoughts on all of this, but Zayn being typical Zayn, means he never shares. He would rather bottle everything up, then tell any of us what's going on inside his head.
My attention draws to Louis as he dramatically turns to face us all. He looks at all three of us me, Niall and Zayn. His eyes look frantic, like he desperately needs to figure out how to get out of this mess. He looks desperate, like he will cling on to anything he can now to survive.

"She's lying!" he blurts out.

I don't think he is even thinking about the words he is saying. It's like his mouth is moving and his head hasn't caught up yet. Does he really think any of us are going to believe that? He condemned himself as a guilty man the moment he didn't defend himself when she made the allegation against him. I don't think now he will ever be able to admit the truth to us or to himself.

"Can't you see what she is doing?" he asks forcefully, pushing his point onto us.

I feel like he wants me to see her through his eyes, but how can I? How can I see her as an object, just something sexual when she still holds my heart?

"She's trying to turn Harry against us all, starting with me. She knows they will never work out when Harry is aligned with us. She knows he will leave her when he sees her for the terrible, unfaithful person she is" he expresses passionately.

His passion seems to be consumed by hate though, a hate I don't want any part of, and neither will the others. I raise my eyebrows at him, trying to make him see how confused we all her with what he is saying. Does he even realise what he is saying?

"She's a fucking tramp!" he huffs, realising none of us are listening to him.

"Stop!" Niall snaps, standing to his feet.

We all turn to look at Niall, normally calm and collected, but now his eyes are burning with anger and he points his finger furiously at Louis.

"Stop bad mouthing her! She isn't the person you are trying to make her out to be" he defends.

It doesn't surprise me that Niall is defending her, he would only ever allow Louis to say so much. She's his friend and I know any one of us would react in the same way. She means a lot to him, she always has and in all honesty even though we wouldn't all admit it, deep down she means a lot to all of us. What other girl would we let come between us so frequently like she does?
Louis throws his hands dramatically in the air as he looks at Niall. The pair of them glare at each other and I hate to think where this is going. We can't afford for anyone else to walk out.

"You don't even know her Niall! She's a fucking liar!" he states, turning to Zayn "Zayn tell him, tell what she is really like! You know what she is like, tell him" he literally demands.

Zayn finally looks up, removing his hand from his mouth. He raises his eyebrows at him and his mouth is slightly parted, confused expression on his face. Why is Louis dragging Zayn into this?

"I know what you're like" he says, raising his eyebrow at Louis.

Zayn talks emotionless, but it's clear to see he knows more than he is letting on. Louis eyes narrow the furthest they can without actually being closed. His lips tighten and his hands ball tightly into fists.

"Fine!" he snaps "Fuck you guys!" he says through gritted teeth.

He turns around and without another look he storms out, just like Harry did. My stomach twists as he leaves our once solid five piece, hanging by a thread. He leaves just three of us standing and we know, like everyone else does, we aren't strong enough to do this without them.

Sienna's POV

Harry's grip on my hand doesn't loosen, he takes look angry strides down the corridor and I have to run slightly to keep up with him. He leads the way, swearing under his breath and his hand running through his hair more times than I can even count. The anger on is face isn't something I have seen from him in a long time, it almost frightens me. This anger reminds me of the bitter drunken man he once was and the one I hoped I would never have to endure again.
He states several time 'he is done' and I don't know how serious he is actually being. I can't imagine he means what he said, he loves that band. He loves the other guys, when his head isn't clouded by hate. He holds my hand a little too tightly and I know he blames a part of me for this, even though he won't say it to me.
He storms through reception, me running alongside him and everyone stares at us. He slams doors open and I feel relieved as the cold air hits my face, when we get outside. He drags me along to his car and for once I allow it. I am too worried for his state of mind to start challenging him. I don't want to ruin the only bit of light he has in me.
I don't know why I admitted the things about Louis, I have held that secret in for over a year. I practically banished it from my thoughts, but lately it has been creeping back in. The moment I heard about him and Eleanor, that's when the memories came back. I still remember word for word the hurtful things he said about her. The words that if she knew would have ended them back then. I probably should have told her, but I didn't want to be partly to blame for killing what they had. I wanted him to take the blame and I didn't want to be part of it.
I do like Louis, he can be a good friend and guy, when he wants to be. I've just never been able to look at him the same since then. Those words tarnished things for me, they were fatal. I knew the smile he gave out in front of everyone was fake, every touch he pretended to cherish with Eleanor was a lie. It was all a lie. I couldn't handle being made out to be someone hurtful, when he is the one who is really like that. I could handle him being the nice guy and me and Harry being the outcasts.
We are at Harry's car within what feels like seconds. He opens the car door for me, even though his jaw is tensed and his nostrils flare. I climb inside, whispering a pathetic thank you, which he doesn't acknowledge. He shuts the door behind me and then he stamps around to his side, climbing in and within seconds he has started up to car, speeding off. The tyres screech as he does, so I quickly fasten my seatbelt frightened of how fast he is driving. He doesn't speak as he rubs his chin with his hand. He moves his spare hand to grip the steering wheel, so both hands grip it tightly and he sits up straight in his seat. His body is tense and his face is screwed up in anger.

"I'm fucking raging" he swears.

He says the words that angrily, bits of spit leave his mouth. His hands visibly shakes as he tries to keep the anger contained inside him. He moves one of his hands from the wheel and he runs it through his hand, gripping the edges tightly. I hate seeing him like this, I know I can't make it better and that's the part that upsets me. I still don't know after all of this time how to make it better.

"I know" I say quietly, not sure if he even wants to hear me speak.

I reach my hand over to him, placing it gently on his leg and hoping he won't knock me away. I am thankful when he seems to relax under my touch. I look at him and for a brief moment he looks back, the real emotion showing in his eyes. He turns his attention back to the road and I realise the angry man he once was is now only on the outside and not who he is on the inside.
I stare out of the window and then I hear it, the sound that always breaks my heart. The sound that kills me every single time I hear it. I turn back to him, my Harry whimpering beside me and the tears falling down his face. My heart breaks and all I want to do is make everything ok. Oh God how do I make it all ok?

"Please don't cry" I beg him, hanging on the verge of tears myself.

His tears don't stop, he can't just turn them off. He can't stop feeling like this, even though I wish he could. The day has all been too much for him.

"I don't know what to do" he cries, wiping beneath his eyes with his hand, although the tears still fall.

He keeps his eyes fixed on the road, not wanting to look at me. I wish we could just pull over to the side of the road. I would comfort him then and I would make everything ok, but we haven't got that luxury. It would only take a matter of minutes for someone to see us and for our private lives to be splashed all over the papers again. They would make some extravagant story from his tears and the whole world would judge us. They would judge our integrity, without knowing any of the truth.

"What with?" I ask "Please tell me and I will help you".

I stare at him intensely, begging with my eyes for him to open up to me and to let me help him. I would do anything I possibly could to help him.
His bottom lip continues to tremble, whilst he attempts to speak. He is all over the place with emotion and I need to understand why.

"The band" he speaks breathlessly as he cries "I've had enough, I hate it".

I feel my heart ache for him, I know that feeling. I know how it feels to hate what you are doing and getting to the point where there is just hate living inside you. I know what he is going through, I know the pain of pretending you are happy, when you aren't. It was bad enough when it was just me, I can't imagine how much harder it is when there are four others who you have to pretend with. Their friendships are always so up and down, I don't know how he has bottled it up for so long. He needs to see though that it will all get easier, it just feels like it won't right now. The arguments and hurt is all he can think about, but it will get easier. He just needs a small break away from it all, that's when he will learn to appreciate it all.

"It will get better" I try to sound positive and I squeeze his leg lovingly, trying to give him the reassurance he needs "I promise it will get better".

He shakes his head.

"A break isn't going to do it, I've had enough. I don't want it anymore, I don't want any of it. I want to be a family and how can we be? How will it work when he comes?" he asks, nodding at my bump.

I have wondered this myself, I wondered how we would cope, but I just had to believe it would work. I love him too much for it not too work.

"How are we meant to cope being apart? I can't do it, I can't be apart from you. I can't do it now, let alone when the baby is here" he says sadly.

"We'll make it work, we've been through so many other things and we got through them. We always get through it because you love me and I love you" I assure him.

I have my own insecurities and doubts, but I don't want him to do this for me. If he wants to leave then he needs to do it for himself.

"I don't want to have to get through it. I just want things to be easy and I don't want the upset and worry. I just don't want it, Sienna. I hate it, I honestly hate it" he whimpers, tears flowing again.

My eyes also well with tears, it hurts hearing him speak like this. It's all so honest and raw, something I haven't experienced from him in a long time. I thought the entire time we were apart he was blissfully happy, he clearly wasn't. This decision he is pondering isn't just about me, this is about him and it has been ongoing for a long time. He has been thinking this through for a while and he now thankfully feels like he can speak out. I wish I had been there for him, I wish I hadn't closed him off back then. There was so much we could and should have shared.

"What do you hate?" I ask, needing to understand further.

"Everything" he sighs "I hate all of the attention, the paparazzi and how they always invade my privacy. I hate being in different countries all the time. I hate that it changed me, it made me become a bad person and I became someone I never thought I would be. It has made me hate everyone around me and myself. I never wanted to be like this, I want to be better than this. I hate pretending the others are my best friends, when half of the time we hate each other. I hate that they tell me what to do and what to say. But most of all I hate what it does to you, to us" he speaks constantly, not taking a single breath.

His words pain me further, realising how much this is affecting him. I love him, I truly love him and loving someone this much means I never want to know how cruelly the world has treated him. I just want to make it better, I will do anything I can to make him happy.

"It's time" I say softly "To call it a day".

I'm not sure how he will take what I am saying because it's easy to be the one to decide when to end things. It's not so easy for someone else to say it to you.

"It isn't that easy" he sighs.

"Why not?" I ask "You're not happy and that's what matter the most".

I am thankful for once that the traffic is busy, allowing us more of a chance to have this deeper conversation.

He gives me a knowing look.

"Why did you do for it for so long then? You weren't happy for a long time".

He's right, I did hate it. I hated everything for such a long time, until he showed me the world through different eyes. It was different for me though back then.

"I never cared enough about myself to end it" I admit.

His lips turn into a further frown, his eyes looking away from me for a moment.

"I cared enough though, I always will" he tells me.

His words ease some of my pain, the pain of seeing him hurt. I wish he understood how much I loved him and how much I always will.

"I know, by the time you did care it was too late to just pull out. There were too many implications. I did get out though and now I'm so much happier. I don't want you to go through what I did, I'm not letting you make yourself miserable for the sake of everyone else" I say.

He nods "I know, I just worry about Niall" he bites down on his lip to stop the tears from falling again.

I know Niall will be heartbroken when the band splits, his heart is in that band, but other people can't be his reason to stay. I still remember that first drunken evening I spent time with him, the first time someone had gone out of their way to get to know me. He created a spark that night, one that has yet to be broken. I remember sitting beside him, drinking and telling him how much I hated touring. He didn't understand and I told him that one day he would be telling someone his side of things, about how unhappy he is and he'd be telling them his story. I never thought back then, I would be the person he would be telling. It's ironic how things turn out.

"Niall will move on, they all will. It doesn't mean the end of One Direction just because you are leaving. They may carry on without you" I advise.

He nods, moving his hand through his hair, which seems to relax him slightly. The traffic starts to move again and he slowly allows the car to move forward, in line with the other cars.

"I promised myself I wouldn't go back after today" he tells me.

"Then don't go back" I say simply.

I'm making this all sound so easy, but if he wants it to be it can be. He nods, focusing on the road and I allow him time to think. He needs time to decide where his fate lays next.