The Girl in the Mirror 2 (Harry Styles fanfic)

Chapter 37

Chapter 37

Harry's POV

I open my eyes, slowly and for a split second it feels like everything that's happened has been a bad dream. It feels like it was all a nightmare and the ache in my heart doesn't even exist. It hasn't happened, it isn't real. It makes me think that I don't need to be sad or miserable. I don't need to cry anymore, but the feeling of relief is short lived. It only takes me a few seconds for reality to come flooding back in, making me realise it has happened and I wasn't dreaming. My life has been ripped apart and my heart has been despatched from my body. I'm not even connected now and I don't even know how I'm breathing anymore, I don't even know how I'm still living.

The sadness hits me like a speeding truck, smashing into me at full force. Every part of me, every organ and every fibre aches in pain. My body shakes, shaking as tears pour from my eyes and I can't stop them from falling. I can't stop them from falling down my face and I'm not sure if they'll ever dry up again. I feel like I'll always cry now.

It takes me a while to compose myself, but even when I do there's still a body shaking beside me. There's still someone beside me in pain, body shaking with tears. I turn to stare at her, her back facing me. There she lays, Sienna, my girl, whose life is over, like mine. I want to hold her, comfort her and I've tried to do just that several times, but she doesn't want me near her. She doesn't want my affection, my love or even to feel my touch. She wants to deal with this alone because we're not united anymore. There's a puzzle piece missing from our jigsaw, leaving us disconnected now. We'll never get that missing piece back, meaning we'll never be fixed again or whole. We'll never join together again and it hurts knowing that.

The hours have flown by, feeling like everything happened days ago. It's been surreal, like this was happening to someone else and I was just an onlooker. I felt like at times I was watching this tragedy happen to other people, another family, not mine. I swore at times I could still hear him crying, his cries resonated round my head.

The police have been and gone, taking statements from us and gathering any evidence they needed. The worst past was when the paramedics finally took him away, so they could do a post-mortem. Nothing has felt right since they took him away from us. The air surrounding us and the atmosphere has been different and she hasn't said a word to me since then. What is there left to say though?

I rub my eyes, trying to ease the sting, which is creeping through every inch of me. There's so much I need to do, so many people I need to tell, but I haven't got the strength to do anything. I haven't even called my mum, I haven't called anyone and neither has Sienna. I wouldn't even know where to begin or what to say to them. How am I meant to tell anyone what's happened? How do I even break this devastating news to others?

My mind is drawn back to reality when I hear Sienna's sobs filling my ears again. I genuinely don't know how she has anymore tears left to cry, her eyes should be dried up by now, but it seems like she has endless tears to leak. My heart hurts, stings as I think back on what's happened and I relive every painful moment. I can still hear her screams, the sound piercing my ears when they finally took Freddy away. The devastation she expressed when he was taken out of her arms and she wasn't able to hold him again. She cried so loud that her cries echoed through the room. She didn't want to let him go, she held him tightly against herself and it broke my heart when she had to let him go. It broke every piece of me and completely shattered her. I don't think either of us can come back from this, I don't think either of us can be fixed again.

Flashback

I stare at her quivering with sadness, holding Freddy against her chest. She whispers to him, staring down at his lifeless face and she repeats that she loves him. She keeps repeating that she'll always love him, no matter what she'll love him forever. I stand here watching her, not being able to involve myself in her words or actions. I want to support her, but I can't help thinking there's no point in doing or saying what she's saying to him. I know that isn't my boy she's holding, not anymore. There's no trace of my boy left now, all that's been left behind is a shell, a shell which used to be filled by him. I can't find any comfort from an empty shell, knowing there's nothing inside it beneath his outer layer. I can't judge her though for finding comfort in holding him. I can't blame her for wanting to find comfort this way, it just isn't for me. I'd rather her find some form of comfort, wherever she can and I'll deal with my own struggles my own way.