The Girl in the Mirror 2 (Harry Styles fanfic)

Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Sienna’s POV

I watch him, staring deep into his green coloured eyes, which I’ve always adored. I’ve always adored the colour and the way they sparkled, but that sparkles gone now. His eyes lost their sparkle when he looks at me, a long time ago. I can’t remember the last time I saw that sparkle in him or me.
I keep watching him, waiting for his answer. I wait for him to finally decide what he wants. I wait for him to make up his mind, whether he wants to be with me or not. If he doesn’t want me, if he doesn’t love me anymore, it’ll hurt. It’ll sting painfully, but I’ll eventually get over it. I’ll have to get over it because I’d rather me alone, than believe in a half committed love. I’d rather be alone, than him feeling forced to stay.
He stares back at me, confusion covering his once flawless features. I don’t see him as flawless anymore, not like I use to do. I think that’s because of everything we’ve been through, over the years. He’s hurt me too much, for me to see him through my rose tinted glasses anymore.
His eyes move away from me, landing on the door and then he looks back at me. He’s spotted and eyed up his escape, which already gives me my answer, before he confirms it. I know now what he’s going to do. If he really loved me, if he was really committed to me, then he wouldn’t need even a second to think about this ultimatum. He’d have already reassured me by now, told me that he loves me and that he wants me. He can’t do that though because he doesn’t feel it. He doesn’t feel what I feel, not anymore. I knew this would happen one day. I knew he’d eventually fall out of love with me. Everyone always does.
I can tell in his posture and his body language that he doesn’t want this. I love him, I really do, but I don’t want this, if he doesn’t. I don’t want him to feel forced into being with me, out of pity. I want him to be with me because I make him happy, which I realise now I don’t. I’m not happy either and I refuse to keep sacrificing my own happiness for the sake of others, for the sake of him. I’ve done that too many times before.
He runs his hand, through his overgrown hair, which needs a good cut. He’s acting like he really needs to think about this, which isn’t fair. He knows what he’s going to do, so I don’t get why he’s prolonging it. It’s like he wants to hurt me for as long as he possibly can.
The longer he takes in deciding, the angrier I’m getting inside. My blood boils, but I hide it. I somehow stay calm, not wanting him to see how much this is hurting me. I’ve no idea how I’m containing my emotions, but I’m glad I am. I’m glad he can’t see how much this is hurting me.

“I’m sorry” he starts his whole ‘sorry’ speech.

He isn’t sorry, he can’t be, not if he’s leaving me. He is though and I realise now that this is it, he’s leaving. He doesn’t need to say anything else, I already know where this conversation is leading to. I know exactly what he’s going to say and I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear the pathetic excuses, he’s going to make up. He’s punctured my heart once again, like before. I should be used to it by now, but I’m not and I don’t think I ever will be.
This moment, right here, proves what I always knew. Harry Styles is a selfish fucker. He’s a cruel, self-centred arsehole, who’ll always put himself first. That hasn’t changed in years and it isn’t going to change anytime soon.
I don’t give a fuck about his pathetic apology or excuses. I’ve learnt over the years that sorry doesn’t mean anything, when it’s coming from his lips. He’s said sorry too many times before and he’s never meant it. Why would this time be any different?

“Save the bullshit!” I snap.

I refuse to listen to his pathetic excuses and made up reasons, as to why he can’t do this. The only real reason is because he’s selfish, we both know that. I haven’t got time to pretend I care about his reasons. My time is precious and I’m not wasting another second on him.

“Don’t let the door hit you too hard on your way out!” I snap.

I turn away from him, staring at Freddy, willing myself not to cry. I don’t know how I’m keeping it all together and not falling to the floor, crying hysterically. I feel the pain inside and all I’m doing is masking it on the outside. I’m covering up the pain, until I’m alone, that’s when I can let it all out. I bite on the inside of my cheek, stopping myself from crying. This is hard, so fucking hard.
I can still feel his presence behind me, I can feel his eyes watching me. I don’t turn back around to look at him, I just keep staring at Freddy. I don’t want to listen to another word spoken from his lips. I just block him out, the sound of his voice and his heavy breathing. The sound of his voice feels like nails down a blackboard, causing me huge discomfort.
He seems to give up and then I hear his footsteps, leading away from me. They grow quieter and then I hear the sounds of the door opening, then shutting behind him. I turn around to be sure he’s gone and I find myself alone. He’s gone, he’s left me. He’s left me again.
Now, that I’m alone, I let my emotions pour out of me in the form of tears. I cry my pain out, realising all that’s left is me and my boy. It’s just the two of us and soon enough, it’ll just be me again. I’ll get used to being alone again, I did it before Harry came into my life and I can do it again, now that he’s gone.
I don’t understand Harry, I never did. I don’t get how one day he can treat me like he loves me more than anything in the world and then the next leave me. He can look me in the eyes, declaring his love for me and then end up in someone else’s bed, without giving me a second thought. I’ll never understand him, I never did. I realise it now he hasn’t got the facility to love someone long term, not even me. He can’t even love himself, so what did I expect. I suppose I just expected him to love his son, love him enough to stop being selfish for the first time ever. I thought he would’ve wanted to spend this short time we’ve got with his baby. I was wrong, I’m always wrong when it comes to Harry.
I did this myself though. I’m the one who gave him the ultimatum, so really I’m the one to blame for this. I’m the one who offered for him to walk away, so how can I be bitter, when he accepts the offer. I allowed him to have the option, whichever he wanted. I just didn’t think he’d take it, I thought it would make him see that he loves me and us. I wasn’t expecting to see the flash of relief in his eyes, when I offered it to him. I knew then that this is what he wanted, maybe it’s what he’s always wanted. Perhaps, he always wanted this clean break, the chance to finally be parted from me, without there being any guilt or repercussions. I’ve given him the chance to be free from me, he took it and I hope he never lives to regret it. I hope that is what he really wanted because he’ll never get another chance with me. I’ll never let him in again, not now, not ever. I’m done with him for good.

The door opens, a little while later and a small part of me expects it to be him. I expect him to walk back in, telling me he’s made a huge mistake and that he loves me. I expect to hear him say that he’d never leave me, not really. That’s the stupid part of me, the part I hate. The rationale part of me, the strong part says differently. That’s the part of me that thinks straight and that part knows he isn’t coming back. That part of me knows, I’m alone in this.
I turn to the door, seeing Anne walking towards me. She has three paper cups of tea in her hands, trying to hold them all at once. She reaches me, passing me a cup and take it from her, thanking her as I do. I quickly take a mouthful of the warm liquid, which is hot and burns the inside of my mouth. It’s not a good cup of tea, but I drink it anyway. It seems to fill some of the emptiness growing inside me. It doesn’t ease the pain, but it gives me a calming feeling. I feel like it’s telling me that it’s all going to be okay. It won’t be okay just yet, but one day it will be. I know that sounds insane, but I need to believe that.

“Where’s Harry?” she asks, still holding two cups of tea.

I turn to her, the woman who thinks the sun shines out of her sons arse. She’s wrong, so wrong about him. He hasn’t got a good heart, not like she believes. Who am I to judge her though on how much she loves her son? Who am I to shatter this perfect illusion she has of him? She loves him and as his mother, she always wants to see the best in him.
I understand why she always protected him against me before and why she always blamed me. She always sees the best in him because that’s what mothers do. They don’t want to see the bad in someone they love, like I never did with him in the beginning. I understand it better now because I know I’d be the same with Freddy. I’d protect him against anything and anyone.

“He went back to the hotel to shower and get a change of clothes for us both.”

I haven’t got the heart to tell her the truth or to tell her who her son really is. I refuse to be the one to do his dirty work. He should be the one to tell her who he really is, not me. I’m not getting into an argument with her on how I’m the devil and how her son is perfect. He’s the evil one, not me.

“What? Now? Why has he gone now?” she asked confused.

I shrug, avoiding eye contact with her. I don’t like lying to her, I’m not as convincing as I use to be. I use to be an expert at lying, but I don’t lie as often anymore. I don’t need to lie that much anymore. We stay quiet for a while, she doesn’t say anything. It’s really hard hiding my emotions and hiding how hurt I am. I don’t want to cry in front of her because if I do, I feel like I’ll never stop. I don’t want to tell her that I’m crying for her son, who could never love me enough. She may be Harry’s mum, but I don’t know her, she’s a stranger to me. I know nothing about her or who she is and I doubt now I ever will.

“I heard you both earlier” she eventually says.

I turn to look at her, wondering what she actually heard. She has a sympathetic look on her face, which I hate. I hate people feeling sorry for me, I don’t need anyone’s sympathy.

“What did you hear?” I ask.

“I heard about what Harry did with Paige, it’s terrible. I know we’ve had our ups and downs and I’m sorry for that. I didn’t see it back then, but I see it now. I can see that you love him and that you always did. I just always want to see the best in him, mother’s intuition I suppose. Will you tell me the truth now? Did you kick him out?”

I wish I’d been the one to kick him out, it’s what I should’ve done. I should’ve kicked him out the moment I was told about him and Paige, but I was stupid. I tried to push it all away and pretend it didn’t happen. I think if the circumstances where different, then I’d have kicked him out. I wasn’t thinking straight though, meaning I couldn’t think properly to confront him. I wouldn’t have mentioned it, if he hadn’t tried to force it upon me.
I don’t want to tell Anne, who he really is, but I refuse to take the blame for what he’s done. I refuse to be seen as the bad guy or the bitch, who ended things. He’s the one who ended it and walked away from his son and me.

“No, I gave him the choice. I told him he could either stay or leave and he decided to leave.”

I don’t want to go into any more detail, I don’t want to relive what happened. I’ve told her all that she needs to know, if she wants the full story, then she can speak to her son. I just wanted her to see that I’m not the one to blame in all of this. He’s the one to blame.
I feel her take hold of my hand, causing me to tense up and making me feel uneasy. She gives me a caring smile, which makes me look away. I can’t handle affection well, not even now after all of this time.

“I’m really sorry for what he’s done. I’ll be here for you though, through everything. You’re not alone, we can get through this together.”

“Thank you” I say quietly.

I really do appreciate her help, but it should be Harry who’s here. She may be here for a while, she won’t be here always, not forever. I’ll soon have to face this alone, which I’ve always done. I can do it all again, I can do anything I have to do for my baby.

***

I stand beside Anne in Freddy’s hospital room. They’re ready, ready to christen him. It’s a simple ceremony, if that’s what you can even call it. I’m not a religious person, I never have been, but this feels right. I feel like I’ve got to do this. I can’t risk him not being accepted into heaven.
I feel like I’m going crazy, crazy thoughts in my head. I’m stood here thinking about heaven and hell, then everything in between. I’ve thought of dying myself, a million times, but I’d never want something to happen to someone else. I’ve never been terrified of death, not until this very moment. The thought of death, makes me cease up and makes my heart palpitate.
I feel Anne’s hand in mine, holding me and letting me know she’s here. I appreciate having her here, I don’t think I’d have got through this moment without her. It does pain me though, knowing it should be Harry who’s here, not his mum.
I watch the minister, as he starts to christen him. The minister uses holy water and he gently pours a small amount of it onto Freddy’s head.

“I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”

He speaks as he pours the holy water onto my boy, my dying boy. It breaks my heart watching it, tears flood my face and I’m doing all I can to hold it together. I’m trying not to completely break down and cry hysterically. I’m doing all I can to not make a scene.
The room is engulfed with flashes from the camera. The nurse takes pictures, giving me some memories to hold onto. The memories will never be enough, living without him will never be enough.

***

An hour or so has passed and calm is upon me again. The minister and the nurse have all left, leaving me alone again. My eyes flutter shut and I have to force them back open, trying to stay awake. I’m exhausted, physically and mentally. I haven’t slept or changed in what feels like weeks. I’m still wearing my hospital gown, no makeup on my face and I know without checking that I look like shit. I know I do, but how can I care about materialistic things, when so much more is happening.
I sit staring at Freddy, there’s been no change. He’s still stable and the nurse told me he’s a little fighter. They’d expected him to have gone by now, but he’s still holding on. My boy is still hanging on, clinging onto life and it makes me proud. I’m proud that he wants to fight it, even though the end is inevitable. That’s why I can’t leave his side, not until the time comes and he leaves. I can’t risk leaving him even for a second. What if I leave and he dies? What if he dies alone? I’d never be able to live with myself, if he was alone in his last moments.
My ears are filled with the sounds of machines beeping and it makes me feel so lonely. Anne’s been beside me since earlier, but I insisted she went back to the hotel. She was so tired and I didn’t want her to feel like she had to be here. She shouldn’t be punished for how shit her son is. She promised she’d get me some clothes and bring them when she comes back, so I can clean myself up a bit. I told her to bring me anything, anything at all.
I hold onto Freddy’s hand, singing lullabies and various songs to him. I sing the words of my own music to him. I do it to relax myself and to hopefully relax him. I don’t know if it really does help, but I hope it does. It helps me, the lyrics take my mind off being lonely.
The time passes by and I’m too focused on Freddy, to notice the door opening. I feel a hand on my shoulder, which makes me almost jump out of my skin. I turn around expecting to see Anne, but it isn’t. I see someone looking back at me, who I didn’t expect to be here, but I’ve needed them to be here. I start to cry straight away, half in shock and half in relief. I quickly stand up, wrapping my arms around him and he hugs me back so tightly that it feels like he’s sticking me back together.

“I’ve missed you so much” I tell him.

The tears fall down my face and I cry again, for what feels like the millionth time today. I’ve really needed him, I’ve needed him so much lately. He’s here now, he’s here to make everything better.

“I missed you too” he whispers in my ear.

The sound of his voice against my ear, warms me up inside. His smooth Irish voice is so familiar that it brings me huge comfort. He’s here, my best friend, my Niall. He’s finally here, back by my side, just when I needed him. The loneliness is washed away and I feel united again.
I gently pull out of our hug, so I can see his face. He smiles at me and his blue eyes shine back at me. I’ve always found calmness in his eyes, even in the darkest storms and today is no different.

“I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner, Anne called me. She told me about everything that’s happened” he advises.

He doesn’t need to be sorry. He’s here now and that’s all that matters to me. He pushed all the shit that we’ve been through away and he’s still here, back with me.

“It’s okay, you’re here now. Thank you for being here.”

He gives me one of his famous smiles, the one that melts a million young girls’ hearts.

“Is this him?” he asks.

His eyes rest on the incubator, where Freddy lays. I nod, taking his hand and leading him closer to the incubator, so he can see him. He smiles following me and then he stares inside. His eyes find the life I created, watching my baby. His smile lights up his face and he wraps his arm around me, holding my body close to his.

“He’s tiny” he says gently.

“Do you want to hold his hand?” I ask.

He nods softly, so I take his hand and I place it inside the incubator. He gently touches Freddy’s skin, stroking him softly.

“I’m not hurting him am I?”

“No, you’re okay.”

He smiles lightly, as he places his finger inside the palm of his hand. I stare at Niall’s happy face, which makes a smile form on my own lips. I feel like I haven’t smiled in forever and it feels nice to finally smile. It feels nice to finally feel a bit happier.
I have this strange moment, where I think what life would be like if id fallen in love with Niall. I bet he’d never treat someone badly, I bet he’d have loved me endlessly. We’d have been happy and he’d never have abandoned me. He wouldn’t have left me alone, in my time of need, not like Harry did.
I never fell in love with Niall though, he became my best friend instead. I fell in love with Harry Styles and that’s why my heart is now in pieces. I fell in love with someone, who has left me alone, like he always does.

“I’m really proud of you, you’re amazing” he tells me.

“What?” I ask confused.

What does he mean I’m amazing? I’m not amazing. I’m anything other than amazing.

“I think you’re amazing, you’ve created him. You made him and he’s perfect.”

I feel my emotions take over again. I’m partly touched by his words and partly pained by them. They make me feel proud of myself, but it hurts to know I’m going to lose the first thing, that’s made me feel proud. I needed to hear these words though, I needed to know someone thought I was good. I needed to hear this from Harry, but he was too busy waiting for his chance to leave. I pull him into a hug and we hold each other tightly.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you. I should’ve been, I should’ve come sooner. I wanted to call, but I didn’t know if you’d want to speak to me or not. I was going to call you this week, but then Anne called and I knew I had to come.”

He doesn’t need to explain himself or justify what he’s done, not to me. I know it’s been hard for him, trying to figure out the right thing to do. Harry and I made it all really difficult for him. We put him in the middle of a battle, when Harry left One Direction and in a sense he had to choose between us and One Direction. I didn’t want him to pick, he could have had us both, but I doubt Louis saw it like that. He probably told Niall it was either them or us. Niall will have felt obliged to stay beside Louis and I don’t blame him for that. He did what was right for him.
Niall has always been my friend, no matter what I’ve done. I would never turn my back on him, just like he hasn’t with me. I’ll always remember this moment, when he came back to me, when I really needed him. I’ll never take his friendship or him for granted, never.

“Don’t worry, it’s okay. You’re here now, when I need you. Thank you for coming, I really needed you. I’ve missed you so much.”

I pull slightly away from him and he takes my hand in his, stroking his thumb gently over my hand. He stands beside me, both of us staring at Freddy. He’s keeping me strong, when I was close to falling apart. I finally feel sane again, like I can get through this and I no longer have to do this alone.

“I don’t know if this is okay, but someone else wanted to come with me to see you. If you don’t want to see him, then I can send him away. He said he understands if you don’t want to see him.”

“Who is it?” I ask.

I can’t think who it could be. There isn’t anyone who we both know who could want to see me. I’ve caused too much trouble and destruction for any of my friendships to still be intact. I would’ve said Liam at one time, but I’ve hurt him too much for our friendship to still exist. I doubt I’ll ever speak to Liam again, not by my choice, by his. I don’t deserve his friendship or love, I never did. I honestly have no idea, who it could be.

“It’s Zayn” he answers “He’s waiting outside. He wanted to make sure you were okay with him being here, before he came in. I can send him away, if you want me to?”

Why is Zayn here? Why could he possibly want to see me? We’ve both caused too much drama and destruction for one another over the years. I don’t know if I want to see him or not.

“No, it’s okay.”

I gulp feeling nervous, my stomach flipping at the thought of seeing Zayn again. I know I need to face him. I need to find out what he’s doing here and what he wants. I pluck up the courage, walking to the door and leaving Niall alone, just for a little while.
I open the door, walking outside into the hallway and then I see him. I see Zayn leaning against the wall, with his eyes closed. His black hair hangs in his eyes and stubble covers his face. He’s wearing black skinny jeans, a black t-shirt and a black leather jacket. He looks like his usual perfect self, he always does.
He slowly opens his eyes and he tilts his head sideways, taking in my frame. He crosses his arms over his chest and he gives me a small smile. I can see the pain in his dark eyes, which confuses me. Why is he here, looking so down and defeated?

“Hi Sienna” he says.

I allow the door to shut quietly behind me. I don’t really have time for this, for us to talk and get into the past. There isn’t much left for us to say or to talk about. Everything between us is in the past and it doesn’t need to be revisited. I haven’t got the time to deal with an ex, well if that’s what I can even call him. I suppose he was just someone I slept with, but it was always a little more with us. I always cared more, than I should’ve done. That’s why I went back all the times that I did.

“Hi.”

I need to give him a few minutes though, he deserves some time, after everything we’ve been through. I walk closer to him, standing beside him and leaning my back against the wall, like he does. He watches my every move and I can see the confusion in his eyes, which I don’t understand. Why does he look so hurt and confused?

“Why are you here, Zayn?” I ask.

I’m not wasting anytime, if there’s something he wants to say, then we need to get it out of the way now. I don’t want to prolong this awkward meeting, any more than he does.

“You know why I’m here” he claims.

I’ve got no idea why he’s here, none at all. I can’t think of any reason why he’d need to be here. We’ve got nothing left to say to each other.

“I’ve got no clue why you’re here.”

He sighs, standing up off the wall and he runs his hand through his hair, pushing it off his face. He stares at me and I can feel the heat coming from him. The same heat I’ve felt before and that I haven’t felt in a long time.

“I came to see if the baby’s mine, I need to know if he’s mine.”

His words seem to knock the air out of me. Are we really back here? Is he really making me deal with this again? I don’t know what goes through his head, I told him before that the baby isn’t his. I specifically told him he wasn’t the father, but here he is, still not believing me. I really don’t need this, not now.

“I’ve told you before, he isn’t yours.”

“I know you did, but I need to see it for myself. I want to see him” he states.

He isn’t giving me any other choice. He isn’t going to leave, not until he sees Freddy and sees there’s no resemblance between them.

“Fine, come and see for yourself.”

I stand up off the wall, his eyes watching my every move. I lead the way, walking back to the door and opening it. He follows me inside, where Niall stands watching us. He looks uncomfortable, as he stands at the bottom of the incubator. I walk closer, letting Zayn follow me and then I let him look inside at Freddy. I watch him as he stares at my baby and his eyes fill with tears.

“He looks nothing like you, there’s no resemblance.”

“He’s so small” he whispers.

He isn’t even listening to me, maybe he hasn’t even heard me. If he has then he’s doing all he can to block me out and not listen to me.
I keep watching him and I can see it. I can that a part of him desperately wants Freddy to be his baby. He wants to find some light in his dark life and he thinks Freddy can give him that much needed light. He’s not been happy in a long time, not since Perrie left him. He never quite got over losing her and maybe Freddy is what he sees as filling the void inside. I know all about that void, I feel it every time that Harry leaves me. I can feel it right now.
I wish he could see how serious this all is. He just sees Freddy as a novelty and he doesn’t realise how painful it’s all going to get. He isn’t thinking properly at how ill he is and how soon he will die. If he did realise it, he’d run a mile and never look back. He wouldn’t want to be involved, just like Harry didn’t.

“I want a DNA test, I want to know if I’m his dad” he states.

My stomach lunges over and I find myself becoming irritated with him. Is he doing this to just piss me off? This is the last thing I need to deal with. I shouldn’t even have to think about this bullshit, not now. He isn’t the father. How many times do I need to say it?

“Listen, I’ve told you already. You’re not the father! He’s dying, I don’t need this shit, not now” I snap.

“I know what’s going on! Anne told me everything, so this affects me as much as it affects you! I need to know if he’s mine, I want to be involved.”

I’m slightly tempted by his words. The needy girl inside never wants to be alone, she needs a man to fulfil her life. I shake that feeling off, getting angry with him.

“For fuck sake! I’ve told you, he isn’t yours. I don’t need you to be involved, neither does he. Why can’t you just accept that and leave us alone?”

“What so I’m supposed to just take your word for it?! You’ve told me so many lies in the past, no wonder I’m questioning it. I’m sorry, I just can’t help being sceptical.”

I’m about to fly into a full blown rant, accusing him of being the liar and then kicking him out. I don’t want to deal with this. I don’t get a chance to say anything though, as the door opens. I turn around and my eyes land on him. Harry. What the hell is he doing here? I’m already angry with Zayn and seeing Harry is making me enter the danger zone of rage.

“What the fuck are you two doing here?” Harry asks, looking from Zayn and then to Niall.

Harry is still angry with them for the way they treated him, when he left the band. He isn’t ready to befriend them, not yet. He definitely wouldn’t want to be friends, if he knew why Zayn was here. He has no right to be angry though, he walked away. He can’t just show up now, deciding he wants to make things right.

“We’re here for Sienna, to support her” Niall says.

Harry’s fiery eyes moves from Zayn to Niall and they blaze, as he glares at him.

“She doesn’t need you here, she has me!” he snaps.

Is he for real? I don’t have him, I never did. He left me, just hours ago, he left me alone to do all of this on my own. His eyes find mine, sorrow and remorse showing in them. He’s back, deciding now he wants me and I’m meant to just forget the last few hours of pain. I’m meant to just forget that he broke my heart again. I can’t keep doing this, not again.

“Sienna, I’m so sorry. I know I’m stupid and I know I’ve hurt you, but I love you. I love you more than anything and anyone. We can still make this work, I’ll do anything to make us work. I want you and Freddy still. I swear I’ll always want you both.”

He tries to win me back with his kind and caring words, but they’re all an act. He’s done this before, he’s made promises that he can’t keep. I really do want to believe him because I love him and I want this to work. I just want stability and Harry can’t give me that.
I stare at him and he climbs down, kneeling down on one knee. He reaches into his pocket and then he pulls out a box, which has a ring inside it. I stare at it, becoming emotional as I do. The ring has a pink diamond on the front, my favourite. It’s the nicest ring I’ve ever seen and I’ve worn millions of pounds worth of jewellery before.

“I know I asked you already and you said yes, but I want to do it properly this time. I want to ask you and make it official. I want to marry you, I want to be with you, forever.”

I really love the ring, but it isn’t about the ring. It’s never been about the ring or how he asks me. I want more than this, I want to finally be happy. I don’t want to worry that he’s going to leave me again, when the going gets tough. I know it’s going to get tough, tougher than now. It’ll only be a matter of time, before he leaves again.

“How many more times are you going to let him hurt you, Sienna?” Zayn asks “He doesn’t deserve your love, he never has.”

Harry’s jaw clenches, but he holds his tongue and he stares back at me. I feel so confused, not knowing what to do. I really don’t want to make this decision now. I don’t want to deal with him.

“I love you too.”

The words fill me with shock. I turn to the voice and Zayn stares back at me.

“I do I love you. I’ll look after you, better than he can. I’ll never leave you or Freddy” he promises.

I stare from Zayn to Harry. Harry the man who’s holding my heart and Zayn who’s willing to save it. What am I meant to do?