The Girl in the Mirror 2 (Harry Styles fanfic)

Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Sienna’s POV

I pace the room, hands shaking and desperation filling me. I am a woman on the edge, the edge of desolation. My hands tremble, shaking uncontrollably as I lift them to my hair and I wrap them around my blonde locks. I tug roughly, trying to relieve the anxiety, which is crawling up my body and clinging to my every limp.
I move back to the bathroom door, pressing my ear against the smooth wood finish. I listen silently, trying desperately to unveil the uneasiness inside. I don’t hear anything, just the sound of the shower gushing with water. I become more fretful with every second that passes, crazy scenarios filling my head of what is actually happening in there. The thoughts in my head are mumbled together, making it impossible to think rationally.

What the hell is he doing in there?
He’s been in there for over eleven minutes, according to the timer on my phone.
It doesn’t take that long to have a shower. It only took him seven minutes yesterday.

I walk away from the door again, shaking my hands as if I am shaking water off them. I am trying to shake away this feeling of fear, the fear that is starting to suffocate me. The fear that is choking me, ripping into my skin and burying itself inside, unwilling to leave.
I pick up a magazine from the bedside table, trying to force myself to read it and lose myself in the world of celebrity, but his face fills the pages inside. I throw the magazine back where I found it, useless it is, utterly useless. I need something else to do, something that isn’t Harry related. The problem is when I’m not with him I can’t think straight. I literally lose my mind, when he isn’t beside me. I can’t function when he is away from me, even for a few minutes.
I have too many fears, too many scary thoughts when he isn’t here. There are too many doubts in my head, making me scrutinize everything he says and does. The anxiety forces its way into my skin, being woven throughout me and embedding itself deep inside me. I have conjured up too many thoughts, too many thoughts to even comprehend them properly.

What is he doing in there? Is he staying in there to avoid me?
Does he not want to be with me anymore?
What if he is making a plan in there? A plan to leave me?
What if there is a vent in there? Somewhere for him to climb through and escape?

The endless conspiracies and questions in my head drive me insane. I don’t even know what I am doing, my hand is suddenly on the door handle. I have no control of myself, overtaken by the crazy, needy girl living inside me. The one convinced inside that she is losing him, the only man she has ever loved. The door handle feels cold against my skin, still not differentiating me from my sudden dejection.
The door opens and my eyes fix on him, Harry. He seems oblivious to my chaotic thoughts and crazy shenanigans. He smiles at me, raising his eyebrows slightly in a confused manner at the same time. He stands naked, water dripping down his toned tattooed torso. His wet hair hangs in his eyes and he holds a white fluffy towel in his hand, ready to dry himself.

“What’s up?” he asks, obliviously.

He starts to rub himself with the towel, drying his wet skin, yet his eyes are still fixed on me. I suddenly have no idea what was wrong and why I so desperately needed to get in here, and get to him. I just know I suddenly feel at ease, completely at ease now we are within touching distance. The crazy thoughts have vanished and I can breathe perfectly again. I feel normal again.

“I needed to pee” I lie “I couldn’t hold it any longer”.

He smiles, nodding and clearly not wanting me to give him any more details than that. He doesn’t seem to realise I am growing worriedly obsessed with him, or if he does he doesn’t show it. He wraps the towel around his waist and he pushes his hair out of his eyes.

“Bathroom is all yours babe” he winks, leaving me alone and walking into the bedroom. 

The door closes behind him, a feeling of entrapment hitting me. I rush to the toilet, counting to ten quickly in my head and then I flush it, making out like I have just used it. I wash my hands, avoiding the mirror. I can’t see some crazy woman looking back at me, the same is too much.
I try to take a minute to compose myself, but the feeling of longing is too much and I quickly rush back to the door, wanting to get back to him.
I need to get back to him, I need to see him. My hands shake, fumbling with the door handle and soon I am back in the bedroom. He stands by the wardrobe, getting dressed and is completely unaware of the panic that has once again filled me. I can only put my overwhelming neediness down to my hormones and my pregnancy. I was never like this, not before and nor will I be again, after the baby. I am sure this is just a temporary feeling, a temporary reaction. It has to be, I know realistically I can’t be beside him all the time, forever.
I sit on the bed, watching his every movement and he doesn’t notice my stare. He just continues to get dry and using deodorant and cologne to smell perfect, like always. I’m fine now, I am completely fine. Everything is fine. There is a feeling, an inkling inside though. It is telling me it isn’t fine, these feelings aren’t fine.
My problem is I am terrified, petrified to the deepest core of me. I am so in love with him that I can’t function. I am fragile, practically broken and it’s all down to the fear of losing him. I am scared that something is going to go wrong again and I will lose him. I don’t think I can go through that heartbreak again. I know our history, it shows statistically something is bound to go wrong. It always manages to go wrong, even when we try to fight it.
He pulls his black skinny jeans over his legs, fastening them and then pulling a white t-shirt over his head. He dresses simply, yet still manages to be the most desirable man I have ever laid eyes on. That has meant this last fourteen days have been one sex fuelled blur. We have literally spent the last fourteen days cooped up in this hotel suite, with just each other for company. I have to admit for me it has been pure bliss. A magical, happy fourteen days.
It was just fourteen days ago that he walked away from One Direction, announcing to everyone he would no longer be a part of their journey. It doesn’t feel like fourteen days, not for me. It feels like we have gone back in time, back to a time when all that mattered was me and him. The time where nothing else mattered, other than being together as much as we could. The times where when we were actually parted it physically hurt. I recall painful memories of times when we were apart, neither of us were living back then. We were only ever just existing when we were apart.
We have spent every single day within these four walls, eating room service and watching endless chick flicks. He hasn’t been ready to face everyone, he has needed time to gather his thoughts and I have been happy to support him with that. I will happily stay in here with him, forever. I know how cruel the world can be and I don’t want it to damage us, like it has done before.
We aren’t under any illusion about what people think about us. We know that the public won’t be happy for us and the love we have rekindled. We know everyone will be out to get us, they will want to ruin what we have.
We are the number one top topic on twitter, magazine and newspapers. It has been consistently like this for the last fourteen days. Maybe, even longer than that. We are thankfully now on the same page, aware of people’s intentions. They will be waiting to go against us, but we are ready to fight. We are aligned and I will be damned if I let anything or anyone come between us again.
He lays down on the bed, closing his eyes briefly, before staring up at the ceiling. He hasn’t been himself, not entirely since he decided to leave One Direction. I understand the feelings inside him, I have been through a similar process myself. There are moments of certainty and moments of doubts, wondering if you really have made the right decision. He will realise soon that he has, but only he can confirm that to himself.
I lay down beside him and immediately his hand is moving beneath my blouse. The smoothness of his hand moves across my stomach to my chest and causes goose bumps to form on my skin. We haven’t got time for sex, yet I don’t stop myself from enjoying his touch. We have literally spent every minute of our days involved in some kind of sexual act, him trying to initiate a sexual act or him making sexual innuendoes. I haven’t complained, pregnancy has given me a new indescribable urge for him, not just physically, but mentally too.

“Are you ready to go?” I ask, unwillingly stopping him.

He removes his hand from beneath my blouse, smiling and slowly sitting up.

“Yeah” he answers, standing up from the bed.

He grabs a black hat, pulling it over his damp hair and he doesn’t bother to style it. He is slowly getting used to having no set structure for his days. He was lost at first, waiting to be told what to do and I of course helped him with that. I told him when to shower, when to eat and when we should sleep. He’s growing as a person, every single day and I am growing alongside him. Ultimately, growing together.
I stand up, grabbing my black boots and slipping my feet inside them. I walk to him, wrapping my arms around his neck and he smiles down at me. I stand on my tiptoes, moving my lips to his and he gently kisses me. His lips are soft and taste of minty toothpaste, filling me with a tender feeling of love. If only I could kiss him, every second of every day and then everything would be ok. Nothing could go wrong then, I’m sure of it.

Harry’s POV

I follow Sienna out of our suite, making our way down the hotel corridor. I feel self-conscious, even now just walking down the corridor to the lift. There is a feeling of worry, worrying about who we will see and what people will say. I don’t think I am ready to face the world yet.
It has been fourteen days, the longest fourteen days of my life. It was meant to be the start of my freedom, freedom without One Direction and the craziness that goes with it. I wouldn’t call it freedom, I can’t when I haven’t felt like I could even leave my hotel suite. I just want to start being normal, but it isn’t easy trying to just be ordinary again. The world doesn’t just allow you to be normal, it has too much invested in you for that to happen. The world knows too much about you for you to just become normal overnight again. I have lived abnormally for so long, I’m not even sure what you define as normal anymore.
It’s not easy, it hasn’t helped that I have had so much time to just think. The thinking has inevitably drove me crazy, destroying me slowly. I can’t stop thinking about the others, wondering if the four of them miss me. I expected to hear from Niall, not the others, but I’ve heard nothing. I haven’t heard a single word from any of them or anyone who was affiliated with the band. I don’t care about them though, I don’t need them and I keep reminding myself of that. It would have just been nice for a text here and there from Niall, to either me or Sienna.
I’ve been on a heightening roller-coaster this past two weeks, highs and lows throughout. The first couple of days were easy, I could literally smell the freedom. I had all of these ideas, things I could do once the media died down. I thought I’d only need a few days and then I could go out and do whatever I wanted, but it didn’t work out like that. The crowds outside have only grown, making it impossible to leave. They haven’t lost interest like I thought they would, they don’t just move on because you want them too. It hasn’t died off, even two weeks on.
I didn’t let that bother me at first, I was still happy with my choice. I still felt elated, proud that I had done something for me. The dark clouds drifted away and it felt like the sun was shining brightly down on me. It was illuminating me, bringing out the smile that had become a distant memory. It didn’t matter at that point not being able to go out, I was happy to stay inside with Sienna by my side. I couldn’t risk going out with her, I wouldn’t forgive myself if she or the baby got hurt. It was all just a blissful daze, but it changed.
I stupidly spent day three, roaming through social media. The cruel words wrote about me, Sienna and our baby. The words buried into me, expanding my insecurities until they were all I could think about. I still can’t understand why people hate me so much, I only wanted to be happy. How can they want me to kill myself for needing to be happy? Do I not deserve to be happy? I didn’t tell Sienna about what I had seen, knowing the words would secretly hurt her too. The difference between us is she is better at hiding it than I am.
I spent day four trying to keep busy, trying to block out the hurtful words. I spent hours looking at houses online, narrowing them down to ones we liked. I realised then that Sienna and I want different things. I want to buy somewhere away from London, away from the spotlight. I wanted somewhere quiet, surrounded by nothing other than trees. She doesn’t want that, she still wants to be in London. She wants the busy hustle and bustle that comes with London life. I suppose London is all she has ever known, so I agreed to compromise. We agreed to look at houses in London and the country. That’s what we do now, we try and work our shit out together.
I spent day five, back on social media and trying to see if the abuse had stopped. It hadn’t, it had catapulted and become more catastrophic than before. Yes, the boys are still doing their thing, but a picture of Niall looking upset emerged. The loyal fans who were once loyal to me, jumped to his defence and ripped me apart. Their loyalty doesn’t lay with me anymore, it lays with the others. The messages verified from begging, begging me to change my mind to abuse, heart wrenching abuse. They hate me, I destroyed the perfect image of five best friends and I showed them not only are we not best friends, were not friends at all.

We make our way down to the lobby in the lift, Sienna taking my hand in hers. The feeling of her hand in mine is a mixture of relief and intensity. I am relieved to have her with me, blocking out the cries and chanting from outside the hotel. I know the fans will still be outside waiting for me, but I can’t face them yet. The feeling of intensity, comes from the amount of pressure on us. There is so much pressure on my relationship with Sienna to work, if we break up what was the point in it all. What was the point in leaving the band for her and the baby if it doesn’t work?
The lift pings as we reach the crowd floor and I allow Sienna to take control. I allow her to lead me out of the lift, my heart racing as people come into view. I try to ignore their stares, eyes burning into me and making me want to run back to my suite. I ignore the chants outside, the screaming and hurtful words.
Sienna leads me towards the hotel restaurant and I allow her to pull me alongside her. I don’t speak as she asks for our table, I leave her to do all of the talking. She has been good at leading everything lately, not that she gave me a choice in the matter.
I am in a world of my own, too many thoughts and too much panic inside me. I soon find us being led to a table and we are seated across from one another. She smiles as we are handed food menus and we start to look through it, but I can’t think of anything other than how much my life is spiralling out of control again.
I love Sienna, everyone who knows us sees that I do. She is beautiful and funny, when she wants to be. She has this overwhelming control of my heart, even when I wish she didn’t. It’s just so hard being with her and I hate myself for thinking it. She was amazing at first, everything I needed for the first few days, but then her insecurities surfaced. She clung to me, needing me and needing constant reassurance. I am too fucked up to give her the reassurance she constantly needs. This is why we are so terrible together, this is why we never work. She poisons me, she poisons my mind and thoughts. She controls every aspect of me and it becomes unhealthy. It drags me to the point of insanity and makes me feel like I can’t do this again. I just have to keep reassuring myself that it will get better, once we are free.
I can tell now, her eyes gracing over the menu, but she is thinking about me. She is trying to hide her desperation and neediness, but I can practically smell it on her. I can see it, the way she can’t bear to be parted from me. We are both in too deep, too deep to get out, just like every other time before.
Her hand reaches across the table, taking mine in hers. She smiles at me, head slightly tilted and her blue eyes shining at me. I smile back, lifting her hand to my lips and kissing it gently. She has helped me through, she has been my light and dark over the last two weeks. She has done all she could though to lead me to a happier being. I don’t know where I would be now without her. She was my bulletproof vest, when everyone in the world was taking their shots at me. We’ll be fine, everything is going to be fine.
I realised about day nine that leaving wasn’t the answer, I see that now. I know now the pain inside, the crippling hate wasn’t anything to do with One Direction, it was all me. The hate lives inside me, feeding on my insecurities. I realise it now, I see that I should have given the others the benefit of the doubt. I should have talked to them more, given them a chance to help me. I should have told them how I was feeling, shared some of the burden. The least I should have done was speak to them separately, I treated them like I didn’t even know them and like we hadn’t spent the last few years being inseparable. I took the easy way out I was a coward, I only thought of myself.
Day fourteen, today was the day I realised I’m not happy. I have everything I want and it still isn’t enough. The problem is I don’t know what will ever be enough.

Sienna’s POV

I stare at the menu, shifting in my seat uncomfortably. I can see it in his face, the pain and confusion. I know everything isn’t going as smoothly as he thought it would, but he needs to see it will get better. Eventually, the world will forget us and probably by that point he will miss it. I know our names won’t just be forgotten, but the want and need to know everything we are doing will. We’ll be in the past then.
We don’t speak, we have nothing to say, which isn’t surprising considering we haven’t been separated for the last two weeks. He sighs, trying to release some of the unhappiness inside of him. I don’t know what else I can do to make him happy, I am giving him my all. I just hope time is what he needs.

“Hey guys” I hear.

I look up to see Eleanor has arrived, standing beside the table. Harry’s face lights up as he sees her and my smile fills my face, feeling the same as him. We both quickly stand up greeting her with hugs and kisses on the cheeks.
She smiles happily back at us, taking a seat beside Harry. A smile is plastered on her face, but I can still see the familiar pain in her eyes. It’s the same pain that has been there for a long as I can remember, it’s almost become the norm. She has dark bags beneath her eyes, hidden slightly by makeup.

“How are you?” I ask, gaze fixed onto her.

“Good, I’ve been good” she tries to say convincingly.

She is trying to act like she is ok, but I know her and I can tell she isn’t. She is lying not just to us, but to herself too. I can tell by the simplicity of the way she is presenting herself that all isn’t just ok. Her hair is up in a simple ponytail, which is unusual for her. Her face is covered by minimal makeup, which she has only probably put on to look alive. She looks thin and frail, a fraction of the woman I knew. It’s all because of Louis, he has broken her and she is nowhere nearer to being fixed.

“How are you two?” she asks, her gaze fixing mainly on Harry.

“We’re ok” Harry answers.

That’s another lie, he isn’t ok. We should all just be able to be honest with each other, rather than pretending everything is ok. Its rich coming from me, I suppose. I am the least honest person sat around this table.
Eleanor peers over Harry’s shoulder, reading the menu and deciding what she wants to eat. I watch her, wishing I had hugged her for a few seconds longer before. I hope she knows how much I love her and how important she is to me. I haven’t been there for her lately like I should have been, I’ve neglected her. I have just had so much going on with Harry, I haven’t had time to think. I will make more of an effort from now on, I can see clearly now she needs me.
She laughs at something he says, her eyes shining as she does. This is what she needs, they both need. It feels nice to see them both let go and be happy for a change. I don’t ask them what is funny, I let them have their moment together.
I stay quiet, letting them catch up and letting them reminisce on memories from the past, ones I wasn’t part of. I smile when they look over at me, satisfying them that I am ok.

“How is it living at your mums?” Harry asks.

“Fine” she answers simply “How are you with leaving the band?”

Her eyes focus on Harry and I stare at him too, he only makes eye contact with her. He clearly has many things to say, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t tell her how he really feels and I don’t know if that’s for himself or for my benefit.

“I don’t know, it still all feels numb”

He has doubts, doubts about leaving, which he hasn’t spoken to me about in great detail. I don’t know why, I wouldn’t judge him for feeling that way. It’s normal to feel like that, I felt the same when I quit music.

“I feel the same about me and Louis” she sighs, looking deflated again.

I forget sometimes that Eleanor was Harry’s friend first. They knew each other before I was ever on the scene, but selfishly I consider her as mine. She has been a better friend to me though than him, she has always stuck by my side.
He places his hand on top of hers, squeezing it gently. If she was anyone else I would be furious at the gesture, but she’s my best friend. I could never be jealous of their friendship. It is the same as mine and Niall’s, well was the same as ours. I miss Niall. I shake thoughts of Niall away, focusing on them both again.

“Has he been in touch?” Harry asks.

She shakes her head “No, whenever I call him he either doesn’t answer or gives me abuse if he does answer”.

I hate the way Louis has treated her, Harry and me. He isn’t the friend or the person I thought he was, he’s someone none of us know anymore.

“What are you going to do?” Harry asks.

“I’m hoping he will eventually hear me out and he might consider going to counselling, or at least talk things through, so we can try to figure it out”

Harry is about to speak again, until we are interrupted by a waiter, who wants to take our order. I order a chicken salad, I’m not really hungry. Eleanor and Harry go for the same thing, steak and chips. Eleanor orders a bottle of wine and for a moment I see Harry hesitate, before he thankfully orders a coke. His hesitation brings fresh fears to the front of my mind. The last thing either of us need is for him to start drinking again. If an element of liquor passes his lips, he won’t be able to stop.

The drinks arrive first, I sip my coke and Eleanor quickly pours herself a large glass of the white wine. She drinks it in one, making me feel uneasy. I recognise the signs, she is trying to drown the pain with alcohol. I have done it a million times before, Harry has as well.
Neither of us call her out on it. I don’t want to ruin dinner, or kick her whilst she is down. I will just keep a check on her and if it gets out of control I will say something. We wait for the food to arrive, making small talk as we do.
I eventually excuse myself, making my way to the restroom. I rush to the toilet, getting to the restroom as quickly as I can. The familiar anxious feeling filling me, the need urging me to get back to Harry as quickly as I can.
I quickly finish in the bathroom, hardly drying my hands and leaving them damp, making my way back to my seat. I feel my eyes almost pop out of my head, seeing Harry finish the bottom of Eleanor’s wine glass. He swallows the alcoholic substance down and acts like he hasn’t touched it. If I had taken longer in the bathroom, I wouldn’t even know.
He will only see it as a mouthful of wine, but this is where the addiction stems from. It will start with a few mouthfuls here and there. Before, he will eventually justify the glass he has drank, which will end up followed by the bottle. It will all keep going, until eventually he lays in a pool of his own sick, not knowing how he even got there.
I stomp back to my seat, sitting down and he look sheepish as our eyes meet. He knows I have seen him and he feels ashamed, just like he should. Can he not remember the person he turns into when he drinks? Or even worse where it eventually leads?
I keep my mouth shut, pretending I haven’t seen anything. I don’t want to make a scene here, in the middle of the restaurant, but when we are alone I will tell him exactly what I think. I should have known leaving the security of our hotel suite was a bad idea. This is all it takes, being back in the outside world and back facing people. Everything slowly disintegrates and we let the world start to destroy us.
My anger spills over, steam bursting out of my ears as Eleanor pours another glass of wine and slides it across the table to him. I watch his hand instinctively wrap around the wine glass and his eyes stare down at the alcoholic liquid. I can see it as he licks his lips, he wants it. He wants to feel numb, he wants to lose control and himself.

“What are you doing?” I ask, through gritted teeth.

My heart is racing inside, my blood boiling and scolding me. I am raging, fire burning raging. Harry looks up from the glass, my eyes aren’t fixed on him though. My eyes are fixed onto Eleanor and she raises her eyebrows as she looks back at me. She doesn’t understand, she doesn’t know what she is doing to him and us.

“What?” she asks, all sweet and doe eyed.

She masks her face with innocence, which snaps something inside me and my hand slams down heavily on to the table, causing a stinging sensation to rush through my hand. Harry’s brow is crinkled, even though he knows exactly what my issue is.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I ask angrily “Why are you giving him wine?”

I try to keep my voice low, not wanting people to overhear us. My eyes and body are blazing, hate burning from me. Her eyes suddenly open wide, like she has only just realised what she has done. I know she did it on purpose, I just don’t know why she would do this.

“Shit, I didn’t realise” she says, placing her hand over her mouth like she is in shock.

She reaches for the glass, wanting to take it from him, but it is too late. He protests and I watch as he necks the glass in one. I don’t react other than just staring at him blankly. He places the now empty glass back on the table and slides it back over to Eleanor.

“More please” he instructs her.

She stares from him to me, unsure of what to do. I shake my head at the idiot across from me, the one who suddenly thinks he is almighty. He has fought demons, overbearing dark demons and he is letting all of that fight go in one weak moment. I know he is going through a rough time, we all are, but drinking isn’t the answer. I know better than him how easily this all works. He thinks he can stop after tonight, but he won’t be able to. He will be dragged back in, claws digging into him deeper than before. It will be impossible for him to escape.

“If you take one more mouthful, I will leave you” I advise him.

“You can’t keep telling me what to do Sienna” he states “I’m meant to be your boyfriend, not someone you employ!”

His words instantly sting, realising he hasn’t appreciated the structure I have given him. He has seen it as something bad, when all I have done is try to help him. I know he isn’t thinking rationally, we wouldn’t be here now if he was.
I stand up, walking away from the table. I have waited too long for us to get back here and I’m not letting his stupidity spoil this for us. It takes everything in me to walk away, pushing the anxiety and need away. I will never walk away fully, I never could. I will teach him a lesson though and as I make my way back up to my suite, I realise my lesson was stupid. He doesn’t follow me, like I thought he would. He leaves me to come back to our suite alone and by the time I go back down to the restaurant to get him, they’ve both gone.

***

The hours pass, excruciatingly minute by minute. I sit on the bed, staring at the door and listening desperately for any noise I can hear. I sob again, longing and need swirling inside me. I try to call him again, but he doesn’t answer and neither does Eleanor.
I want him back, back here with me and for us to make everything ok. I need to tell him that drink isn’t the answer, it is never the answer. The only answer he needs is me.
I lay down on the bed, burying my aching head into the pillow. I lay fully clothed, above the covers. I protectively wrap my hands around my baby bump, feeling it shake as I cry. I hate this feeling, this familiar feeling of losing him. I knew this would happen, I knew going out of our safe haven would allow others to seep their poison into us. The involvement of others, only ever corrupts us. I lay here, crying myself into a tear stained oblivion, finally allowing sleep to overtake me.

I am suddenly awoken by a loud banging in the living area and the sounds of cursing. My heart races for a moment, until I realise it is Harry. That’s what happens when you have nearly been killed, you are terrified of any noise. My head feels fuzzy and my eyes hurt, laying here and listening to every sound he makes.
He starts to laugh and I know without him even being in the same room as me that he is drunk. I’m not angry anymore, I’m disappointed. I am disappointed that he can so easily slip back into old habits. I shy away into the covers, scrunching my body into a ball, tightly.
The door quietly opens and he stumbles inside, trying to be quiet and failing. He removes his clothes, falling as he takes off his jeans. I lay here silently, listening to the sounds of his heavy breathing and the smell of liquor on him.
I am so upset with him, so upset that I can’t even speak. I don’t know what I could say to him, I don’t want to break what we have worked so hard to build again.
He climbs in bed behind me, the bed dipping beneath his weight. I can smell Eleanor’s perfume on him, making me feel even angrier with her. How could she let him get drunk like this? He moves himself closer to me, allowing his body to fit into mine, spooning me from behind. His hands feel cold, moving up my arms and I want to knock him away, but I am unable to resist his touch. His cold, wet lips leave gentle kisses along my neck.

“I love you, I’m sorry” he whispers into the dark.

I move away from him ever so slightly, not wanting to just let him think this is ok. I don’t want to argue tonight, not whilst he is drunk. He doesn’t think straight or logically, not when he is like this.
I am happy he is beside me again, the anxious feeling once again disappearing. He pulls me closer to him, holding me tightly and not giving me the option to pull away.
I try to clear my mind of all my niggling thoughts, telling myself we can address them tomorrow. I close my eyes, sleep ready to drag me back in. Everything changes in an instance, he says three words that change everything.

“Sienna, marry me”


A/N – Merry Christmas everyone :) I hope you all have a lovely day if you are celebrating! Thanks for the support this year, it has been appreciated. Keep voting & commenting. ILY xxx