The Girl in the Mirror 2 (Harry Styles fanfic)

Chapter 44

A/N - this is the final chapter. Thank you for reading x

Chapter 44

Extract from Sienna's Diary

Dear diary,

It's me. I'm sorry I haven't written in a while; things have been pretty crazy. So much has changed since I last wrote, so much has happened. I don't even know where to begin. I don't even know how to convey what I'm feeling; I don't know how to put it all down on to paper. I want to though; I want to be able to look back on these words in years to come. I want to read how I felt right now, so I can share and remember it all when I'm grey and old.

The most terrifying yet endearing thing has happened to me. I didn't expect it to feel like this and god it feels good. It all feels so good. I never thought for a second I'd feel like this, I never thought I'd be able to breathe, really breathe again, but now I am. I'm living, I'm finally living after years of not appreciating or seeing the good in the world. It's beautiful, the world is a beautiful place and for the first time in my life I can see that. I can finally enjoy the view and enjoy where this is leading.

It all clicked, everything clicked into place and all it took was for me to see him. My baby, my Freddy. He's so small, so fragile and tiny, but he's beautiful. He's magnificent, my proudest accomplishment. He's the greatest thing I've ever done, the greatest thing I've ever created. His finger nails are the size of a grain of rice, his skin soft and red. I could stare at him all day, I could spend my life watching him and I'd never get bored.

The moment I saw him I felt like every broken part of me was glued back together. He fixed me and all he's done is breathe, breathe the same air as me. I can't describe the warmth and gush of love I feel whenever I look at him. It's like my light has been turned back on and every part of me is coming back to life. I get so overwhelmed at times, so frightened that I'm going to mess this up, but I know I'll try with every piece of me to make him happy. I'll do every thing in my being to give him the perfect childhood, something I never had.

There's a unique bond, something special that only a mother and child can share. This isn't like anything I've ever felt before, loving Harry doesn't compare to this. I thought until now that I'd never feel so intensely for another, nobody else other than Harry, but I was wrong. The love for Freddy has blown Harry out of the water. I mean it's a different kind of love, something unique, which I'll always have for my first born.

I wish I could write better about how it makes me feel, but it's something you've got to feel. You'd only ever understand once you feel it too. It's an unbreakable love, something that'll never die, even when the days get tough. It doesn't matter how bad you feel, nor what you've done, it'll still be there. I'll never have to doubt it because it runs through our veins. It fills both of us and makes us who we are. It ties us together for eternity.

I knew I'd love him, I knew it'd be forever from the moment I saw the positive pregnancy test. I just never knew it'd grow so strongly. It doesn't matter that he wasn't planned, sometimes the greatest things in life aren't planned and it doesn't make them any less special. He's the greatest surprise I've ever received. I didn't realise he's everything I've wanted and everything I've been waiting for. I didn't know he was the missing piece, the reason why I still felt empty. I was always going to be empty until he came into this world.

I've got a reason to live now, a reason to breathe and I swear I'll live the best life I can for him. I'll do everything I can to give him the life and love I never had. I'll be there every step of the way. From the moment he takes his first steps, his first word, his first day of school, his first date and the day he grows up and has a family of his own. I'll be beside him through every mistake and regret, making sure I make it better. I'll be the best mother and best friend to him that I can be. I promise him that, I promise I'll love him until my last breath. I'll give him the life I should've had; I'll never be the woman who my mother couldn't be for me.