The Girl in the Mirror 2 (Harry Styles fanfic)

Chapter 42

Chapter 42

Harry's POV

I try to breathe, but it's too painful. Every breath I take, every attempt of normality burns, like a raging fire through my chest. I feel like a knife is being slid down my throat, slicing away at every vital organ I have, which I need to live. I feel like the piercing knife is in search of my heart, attempting to pierce it, until all life drains out of me and it stops my heart from beating. The pain is excruciating, deep and dark pain, nothing like I've ever experienced before. This is so bad that it makes me want to die. I want to die, I want to lay down beside her and never wake up. I want to die with her, I don't want to know what life will be like without her.

The pain is so intense, so strong that I don't think I can even drag myself up off the floor. I don't think my legs have the capability of holding me up, nor will they ever work properly again. How can any of my body function when the core of me is broken?

This isn't right, this can't be right! There's nothing about what is happening that even makes sense. How can everything we've been through be nearly over? How can everything we've worked towards be done? How can our poetically beautiful love story end like this? It can't end like this, it can't!
I've spent years loving her, years of pain and years of happiness. I've loved her from the moment I met her. All those years some bad, some good have still all led up to this moment, this sickening painful moment. I was just a kid, a fucking stupid naïve kid when I first met her and I unknowingly fell in love with her. I knew nothing about love back then, I just knew something inside me felt different. I just knew that I wanted to be with her all the time, I never wanted to be apart from her. Fuck! I love her so fucking much! I've wasted so many months, so many fucking years of knowing her, trying to convince myself I hated her, but I didn't. I could never really hate her, nor she with me. They say don't they that there's a fine line between love and hate, which always applied to us. I wanted to hate her, but deep down I still loved her.

I know I was just a stupid child in the beginning. I was a stupid love struck teenager, lost in the excitement and awe that was Sienna Star. It took me a while, a few months of getting to know her to see that I never really cared for Sienna Star, it was just Sienna I fell in love with. Everyone else saw her as Sienna Star, but she was always more than that to me. I didn't really appreciate just Sienna back then, I appreciated the package more, but that was because she didn't show me the real her for a while. It took me a while to get to know the person behind the performer. I took her for granted, I took her love and us for granted. It's been nearly four years! Four fucking years! How the hell am I meant to forget all those years and live life without her? How am I meant to remember who I was before her? Before she left her imprint on my heart? How am I meant to live without her? Oh god someone tell me how I'm meant to do this!

Flashback

The sun peers through the gap in the curtain, falling elegantly on her perfect naked body. Her eyes are closed, lips slightly parted and her silky hair falling smoothly over the soft white pillow. The sounds of her soft breathing fills my ears, making my body tingle with amazement.

I've got to pinch myself for a moment, even though I know I'm being cheesy as fuck. I can't help it though because moments like this seem surreal. I know though that I've never seen perfection like this, nothing like her ever before. I didn't know it was possible for someone, another human being to be this beautiful. I mean there's a lot of pretty women out there, but they're all nothing compared to her. She's beautiful, special, even without makeup gracing her smooth clear skin. In all honesty, I didn't know it was possible to feel like this about another person. This feeling inside is only something I could dream of.
I run my fingers smoothly through her long hair, it feels like a silky fabric running between my fingers. Is it possible to be attracted to someone physically, mentally and spiritually? It's got to be possible because this is how I feel about her. We connect on every level possible, something I didn't think I was capable of. Every part of me is linked to her and I never want to lose this feeling, I never want to lose her.