The Girl in the Mirror 2 (Harry Styles fanfic)

Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Sienna's POV

My head is completely jumbled up, as I drive dangerously through the streets of London. I have a million thoughts going around in my head, but the one thing that sticks out the most is revenge. I want justice, I want there to be some kind of consequence for what has happened to me. That's the problem with this sick fucking world, I nearly lost everything and just a year on, nobody cares about it. Nobody cares about the mental scars that remain. Everyone has practically forgotten about what happened to me and they don't care anymore. It is old news now, it happened last year, I survived. I am expected to just move on, like everyone else has. That's the sick part, if I had died that night everything would be different. I would still be mentioned now, everyone would remember me and remember what happened, but instead I am just brushed away. It has all been forgotten and I am expected to just get over it. I am expected to be ok about everything. I am meant to be normal, but they don't get it. I wasn't normal before this, I was practically crazy already. How can I be sane after it?

They all feel sorry for Daisy instead of me and her family and friends. They even feel sorry for Harry, poor Harry he woke up beside her and found her, that's what they all think. What about me? What about the fact I was there? What about the fact I watched her die? What about the fact that I wanted her to die? The days get so bad sometimes that I can't be awake or asleep. I see her when I am awake and I see her when I close my eyes. Liam doesn't know why I wake up some nights gasping for breath, nobody does. They don't know why some days I am on the brink of insanity or why some days I can't get out of bed. I know why, I know it is guilt. I let her die and I haven't been able to tell anyone about it. I haven't been able to share the burden with anyone. I haven't been able to share with anybody what she did and what game she was playing. The only person I ever came close to telling was Harry, but he ripped the letter I wrote for him up. He ripped up the words that told him who that woman was, the one he still grieves for. The whole world thinks she was a poor victim, but she was a perpetrator. Nobody wants to believe you though, nobody wants to hear what you have to say when you are bad mouthing the dead.

My body shakes and I have to grip the steering wheel tightly to keep hold of it. I cry out desperately as I drive, I just want to be saved. I have only ever wanted to be saved, but I can't be. The devil that stands beside me, won't let anyone take the pain away. I have set myself up for a life of sadness and curses, because of what I did that night. I have given myself a lifetime of having the devil by my side and watching every step I take. The devil stays with the selfish and evil of the world, I am one of them people. That's why I do these crazy, evil things. I was made like this, I was made to be wicked. I have done the worst thing imaginable as a person and I will have to live with this until the day I die. I gave my soul up that day, I gave my soul to the devil and I will never escape it again.

'Get revenge, prove you are innocent in this'

The voices in my head speak and it gives me the encouragement I need. I put my foot down and I drive even faster to my destination. "You can do this Sienna, you can" I talk to myself. I tell myself I can do this and for once I believe I can. I can destroy others, I have done it before and I can do it again. I hear my phone ringing and it drags me back into the real world. The realisation of what I am doing is back and I get agitated again. I let go of the steering wheel and I grip my hair.

"SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!!" I scream at my handbag, where my phone is contained.

The ringing doesn't stop and I smash my fists viciously against the steering wheel. I swerve all over the road and I grab the wheel trying to steady myself, which isn't easy considering how much I have drank. I sob to the point of insanity and the tears are so bad, I can't see properly. I don't know what I am doing, I have no idea, but I can't stop it. It feels like I haven't got control of myself anymore, I have lost control and I don't think I will ever get that back.