It'll be our secret, Miss Abrams (GirlxGirl) [COMPLETED]

Forty Nine

I finally sleep like a baby, with no worries on the back of my mind beyond the usual hunger and grades.

Dad's free from work today too, and already up when I leave my room, a coffee mug by his side as he reads The Fellowship of the Ring. His hair is a mess, but his smile is genuine when he sees me.

"Good morning, Spencer," he says, putting his book down and walking to sit across from me at the table.

"Morning," I groan, holding back a yawn.

I make toast for myself and fill a glass of water. Dad's quiet, following my every movement with his eyes, biting the inside of his cheek. It feels like he wants to say something, but when I look into his eyes he just takes a sip from his coffee.

I eat my breakfast.

"I've been thinking," he says slowly, then swallows, "I think I need to pay your mom a visit."

I blink. Dad's never been on mom's grave after the burial ceremony.

"Can I go with you?" He nods, a little smile on his lips.

"Yes. Please do."

I do the dishes then change into a pair of shorts and a sewn T-shirt, putting on my shoes and tying them. There's definitely holes in them now, which means I should start saving for a new pair. At least summer's coming, so I can wear flip flops until then.

Dad gathers a small flower bouquet from the bushes beside the complex before we leave for the cemetery. The parking lot outside is mostly dry now, with a few puddles where the rain gathered. 

Maybe in one of them there's a little bit of powdered me.

We take the bus to the cemetery, a peaceful silence between us. The air doesn't feel heavy like last time I went alone on her anniversary, and I lean on dad's shoulder as I look outside. I feel calm.

The iron gate on the outside opens with a noise and we step in together. There's a sea of tombstones and our steps echo in the wet pavement as I take my familiar route to my mom's grave, not alone anymore.

Charlie Reed.

Dad puts his bouquet down then touches her tombstone, slowly tracing the letters of her name. I can feel his longing, his sadness in the way his head hangs low and his shoulders shake slightly. He kneels beside her grave, resting his hand atop her tombstone and whispering to her. His voice is soft, and he speaks low enough I can't make out his words, but I see him wiping his cheeks.

I cry too, as I see him so broken by her absence, as I feel my own emptiness. I close my eyes, feeling the sun hitting my face after the storm last night, the smell of earth and flowers around me.

The tears roll silently down my cheeks while I talk to mom too. I tell her about how I trusted Abby but shouldn't have, how she tried to fuck with me and Diana and how Jackson helped me.

"We both miss you, mom," I whisper, watching dad stand wipe his cheeks one last time before turning to me, "but we're doing better now."

"Ready to go, Spence?" he smiles at me, putting his hand on my shoulder as we walk back. "Wanna go to that café your mom liked and share a piece of that chocolate cake?"

I can't help but beam at him, nodding furiously as he chuckles, and I realize I've missed him too.

_____

It's the last week of school, which means tests are mostly over and teachers are just finishing wrapping things up.

I avoid Abby the whole week, the scratches on my forearm now with scabs covering them. She doesn't make eye contact either anymore, her eyes grim and with darker bags under them. I'm guessing she saw the pictures under her panties are gone too, and she finally realized she lost.