It'll be our secret, Miss Abrams (GirlxGirl) [COMPLETED]

Thirty Five

*DIANA*

I slipped out of bed and out of Spencer's house early to go home and change.

I just slept at her house. I slept with her.

I knew it should feel weird, because technically she was my nineteen year old student, but I didn't see her like that. I've never seen her like that, and now we really reached a point of no return.

I had already slept with a lot of people, but I wanted it to be different with Spencer because I liked her. So I did it without rush, full of care and attention. I kissed her with tenderness and I stayed the night with her arms wrapped around me.

And it felt different.

I could get in so much trouble for that, and the fact that I was already risking it for her, for an us, scared me.

A lot of things scared me in this, to be honest.

One of them was Spencer suddenly realizing being with me wasn't enough for her. That I was old, or that we didn't fit together. Or just that she simply didn't want me anymore.

I've opened myself up to her, and doing so emotionally was harder than having sex. Yesterday with Spencer was more than just sex, it felt like we were connecting on a deeper level. I felt like I gave her a piece of me, and I was scared she'd leave with it.

I felt the itch to end things, to push her away, to distance myself before she could do it. To break things off before she could, to protect myself with distance.

"Calm down, Diana," I told myself as I parked outside my apartment complex. "Remember Diego. And that shrink."

I shower and make myself breakfast as I hear Diego's voice in my mind.

"Look, just because a lot of people are assholes, it doesn't mean they all are," he'd said. "I know how you think and I know you like her, so it'll take you a bit of work to relax and trust she won't leave but you have to try."

I nodded and he looked at me seriously.

"Promise? That you'll try?"

I sighed. "I promise."

Now I felt scared as I paced in front of the fridge, eating my toast and drinking my only cup of coffee. I couldn't shake the fear away and I wanted to run but I technically had to drive to school soon, so I couldn't.

I called Diego.

"Alô?" he said, his voice flat. He always picked the phone up as if he just woke up, even when I called him in the afternoon.

"Hi," I say, leaning on the kitchen counter, "can you talk?"

"Sure. What's up, my dear Capulet?" I roll my eyes, but I end up smiling anyway.

"I slept with Spencer," I blurt-out. That's not really the issue here, but I figured he'd probably get there by himself.

"Holy cannoli," he says, and I can hear the excitement in his voice. "I can't believe this! I wish I was in town to annoy you so bad."

"I know," I chuckle. I could picture him saying whatever to push my buttons and make me feel embarrassed.

"But that's not why you called, is it? Something wrong is not right."

"Yeah," I sigh and he waits for me to continue. "I feel like I want to end things. I know I don't want to, though."

"Oh, I see," there's a pause, "do you want to talk more about it? Or do you want me to say something stupid so you can laugh?"