The Only Hope for Me is You

Chapter 72 : One Last Song

M A X E N E

We lost the fight that we're fighting for, because we're weak.

Maybe our love wasn't enough. Maybe we are meant to be just a phase.

I admit, maybe I'm still naïve that I gambled everything just to stick in the relationship we made out of the arrangement we had. With him, I found company to erase my own misery.

I wanted to keep him, because I was left with nothing back then with a broken heart. Hell, I am even willing to be his second choice back then, just to keep him in my life. But I'm very selfish that I want him all for myself because I wanted him to see that I can be better than his first love.

I am better than her.

I am stubborn. Now I am admitting this to myself because I've kept this insecurity for so long in the darkness of my heart.

I couldn't help comparing myself to her everytime.

I remember that she loved him and just waiting for the right moment to give their love story a chance... but then, poof, here comes the selfish me.

Knowing how much he loved and waited for her, I know to myself that I wanted that devotion, loyalty and security with him.

Oo, naiinggit ako kay Monique.

Marami siyang katangian na wala sa akin. No wonder kung bakit napa-ibig niya si Travis ng walang ginagawa. Ni wala silang kung anong arrangement, hindi tulad naming dalawa.

They were friends to begin with, and that foundation is stronger than being someone you just met out of inconvenience.

The years he loved her, was nothing compared to the months we had together.

I thought our love was strong enough to keep us together, because he is selfish like me.

Akala ko kapag binigay mo na ang lahat, sapat na iyon para hindi ka niya saktan, iwan at ipagpalit sa iba.

Akala ko sapat na ang mahal ko siya dahil alam kong mahal niya ako.

I thought love was enough for us to be together, but I was wrong.

I was wrong because we always end up hurting each other.

I just don't want to get hurt anymore.

Napagod akong matakot, masaktan at umiyak.

I'm helping myself to move on because this shouldn't be this painful. It's just a matter of acceptance from the stated fact that: we were just arranged.

I know that I am making progress since I broke up with him. But now that he's back, I don't know why I am back to square one. I'm not even sure if I am going on the right track or if I'm just fooling myself.

I'm trying to reason with myself every damn time, especially that I don't want to cause any misunderstanding between me and my new fiancé.

Travis and I didn't even last a year to begin with, our relationship wasn't established enough because it all started in an arrangement that we both agreed on.

Wala namang pinagkaiba ang arrangement namin ni Travis sa sitwasyon ko kay Pierre, kaya dapat madali lang ito lahat sa amin, hindi ba?

Tulad ng minsan na sinabi niya sa kaibigan niya, hindi naman talaga kami magkakaroon ng relasyon, kung hindi siya ang pinili ko noon.

Am I really regretting every decision I made?

Looking at him now, he's not the same Travis who looks at me like a cunningly degrading me in front of other people.