The Binding String

F O R T Y - T H R E E

"Yeh tum chahati ho Ishita. Main nahi." (That's your wish Ishita not mine.)

"Haan jaise har baar aap har baat ka zimmedar mujhe bana dete hai vaise is baar bhi sahi. Kya farq padta hai? Raaste toh humare kal alag ho hi jaayenge na Raman." (Oh yes it's an old habit of yours to put an entire blame on me but never mind we are going to part our ways tomorrow so you're all free to satisfy your ego by accusing me.) The pain was evident in Raman and Ishita's eyes as their eyes met. How ironical it was to see two peoples madly in love with each other but too egoistic to confess same.

"Main aisa kabhi nahi chahata hoon Ishita." (I never wished to get separated from you.) Raman voice turned soft this time not ready to back out. She tried to find love for herself but all she managed to see was the visuals of the video where he was going intimate with alleged Ms.S.

"You want this Raman Bhalla and admit it that's you're dying to get other ladies inside your pants." Ishita spat due to anger and walked out from the hall leaving him shocked. Raman can bear anything but not the false accuses. He ran behind his drunk wife leaving the party behind and started to follow Ishita who was making her way outside of the club.  Raman ragged his hands through his hairs frustrated with whatever shit happening with him, he could have taken a clue from Ishita's words but his drunk mind was more concerned to ask the reason behind the allegations she put on him.

"How dare you to put such ugly allegation on me Ishita?" Raman pulled Ishita towards himself who was about to step outside of the club.

"So you thing I'm wrong? That's what you're doing since  years."

"Ishita!!!"

"You dare not to raise your voice on me Raman. You are a cheater, manipulator and selfcentered man."

"And what are you? A drunkard woman who is ready to fall in any random man arms? I have saw you the way you was dancing with that man. Who is he you're lover?" The hurt also works two way round, we get sadistic pleasure in hurting another person and he keep doing that. The alcohol  indeed made them weak and stupid that night.

"Be in your limits Raman." Ishita pushed Raman with a force and started to walk on the roads which wasn't crowded now.

"Shall I drop you at your lover place? Atleast things won't repeat like it happened four years back."

"Don't bother Mr Bhalla. Ab yeh dil jab alag ho hi chuki hai toh apni raahein dhoodh hi lenge." (We are going to be separated and I guess we need to find our paths now.)

A lone tear escaped from Ishita's eyes as Raman's words fell in her ears. He had touched a weak nerve of her and it was too much hard for her to control herself anymore. Her knees wobbled and heart shattered realising in what stupid mess they ended and now he made her realised there is no point left except separation. She gave a last disgusting glance to her husband and keep walking on the road. She was drunk but enough sober to walk. He took long to realise that she is gone alone and a tearful Raman wiped his cheeks and ran inside of club to get his car.

Mera dil na todo
(Don't break my heart)
Kabhi dil se dil milaao
(Let's join our hearts sometimes)

*****************

The Delhi Gymkhana Club was some twenty minutes distance away if there is crowd but in midnight and due to almost no traffic he managed to cover up the distance in half of the time. When Raman reached at his floor he found the door unlock and Ishita's footwear back at her place. He sighed with relief and ran inside his room where everything was messed. The quilt was on the floor, the cushions were thrown around and vases were also lying on rug thankfully. He looked at Ishita who was throwing whatever coming at her way and Raman threw his coat aside and bolted the door of his room. It was enough now, if separation is what written in their fates than it's fine but it wouldn't let it happen before taking answers of his questions. 

"What the hell you're trying to do? Band karo yeh bachkanapana." (What the hell you're trying to do? Just stop all this nonsense.) Raman pulled Ishita towards himself and slammed her body against wall.

"Chodo mera rasta. Aur aaj yahan kyon aaye ho? Sab khatam karne ke baad mere dard par hasne aur uska mazak banane?" (Just leave my way. And why you came here now? To make fun of my pain and miseries?)

"Kyon tumne bhi toh mere jazbaaton ka mazak hi banaya hai. Toh ab apni baari aapne par dar gayi ho? Aaj tumhare kaaran humara rishta khatam hone ki kagaar par aa chuka hai Ishita." (Aren't you did same with me? Even you made fun of my feelings which I had towards you. Just because of you our relationship is on verge of end.)  Raman pulled Ishita towards himself carrying rage in his eyes.

"Mere kaaran? Are haan main toh bhool hi gayi thi is ghar mein, humari married life mein aaj tak jo bhi hua hai uski wajah main hi toh rahi hoon. Haina Raman? Ladai hui toh meri wajah se, alag hue woh bhi meri wajah se, Roohi beemar hui woh bhi meri wajah se, Amma apne pati se alag rehne ko majboor hai woh bhi meri wajah se....kaise har ek cheeze ki wajah main ban jaati hoon na Raman."(My fault? Oh yes how can I forget that whatever shit happens in our life, happens due to me. Like our failed marriage, the fights, the separation, Roohi's ill health,my mother's separation from her husband. Everything single thing had happened just because I'm a part of eveyrone's lives.)

 Raman eyes softened listening Ishita's dejected voice and he tried to approach her to hold her but she pushed him instead; "Main jaanti hoon Raman main kabhi bhi is shaadi mein perfect aur mature nahi thi jaise aap the. Kitni hi baar aisa hua hai ki meri galtiyon ko aapne sudhaara hai, mujhse door rehne ke baad bhi mujhe sambhaala hai. I know main....main nahi hoon perfect par main kya karoon?  Main aisi hi hoon aur main bas yahi chahati thi ki aap mujhe aise hi except kare. Par bhale hi main perfect na hoon par maine humesha har koshish ki thi apni shaadi ko bachaane ki, maine aapse waada kiya tha na ki mujhse ek cheese aapko humesha milegi. Loyalty. Maine woh waada kabhi nahi toda Raman." (I know I was never a perfect and mature one in our marriage. I'm aware of all the things you did for me even after staying away from me and I do respect you for it. I know I'm imperfect but that's how I'm and somewhere I started to hope you might accept me in the way I'm. Even after having so much imperfections I tried my best to save our marriage multiple times. You remebere Raman, the promise I made to you the night before our marriage of trust and loyalty? It's still intact. I never broke it.)

And listening Ishita's vulnerable words Raman realised like something broke within him. He kept looking at Ishita who was sobbing sliding against a wall. He walked towards her and sat down, close to her. His hands eventually went to cup her face and he wiped her tears softly.

"Main jaanta hoon tumne kabhi koi waada nahi toda hai Ishita. I know. Tumne apni zimmedariyo se kabhi bhi mooh nahi moda hai." (I know you never backed off from your responsibilities. I know that Ishita.) Raman confessed honestly in a whisper like voice, keeping his face few millimeter away from her.

Hum bhi toh hai tumhare
Diwane o diwane
(I'm crazy for you)

"Toh phir chaar saal pehle, convocation wali raat mujhe chod kar kyon chale gaye the? Kya aapko ab bhi yahi lagta hai ki us raat meri galti thi?" (Then why you walked away from me four years back when I needed you most? You still feel that I was the one who was at fault that night. Aren't you?) Ishita questions caught Raman off guard and all he managed to do was to look at her without blinking his eyes.

The night was going to be long one for Ishita and Raman....