The Binding String

F I F T Y - T H R E E

The hardest decision in life is deciding whether to 'walk away or 'try harder.'
-Anonymous

The night was coming slowly and slowly, the surroundings were soaked in the black ink, black and dark. She looked up and found a lone star twinkling with the light. She found it as the only companion with whom she can share the inner turmoil which was eating her. His words made her feel vulnerable tonight, she felt helpless after the repetitive requests he made to her this evening. He never showed his dependency on her, in fact in the last three years they shared no emotional connection which often made her insecure. The primal reason behind her growing insecurities for her marriage and Raman was the realization of a lack of connection between them. They never shared emotional intimacy but it never hurt her since they were physically close but the past six months grew them apart, not only physically but as well as emotionally. He never tried to know what is running in her mind nor tried to understand her emotions and almost made her believe he is a cold emotionless man until today's evening. The way he bared his heart in front of her put her in two states of mind, compelled her to rethink the entire scenario of her marriage. Apart from her wanting to forgive him but another part of her was in a dilemma, the dilemma of choosing between her marriage or ethics. Nothing can overshadow the truth of his linkups with multiple women, his mistrust of her. Does he still believe whatever happened the night of Ph.D. felicitation was her mistake?

How can she move forward with him in this marriage with so many uncertainties? Walking away from him is easy but is she convinced with the same idea? Maybe no? The mere thought of parting her ways with him scares her up. Ishita herself doesn't know why she wanted to make this loveless marriage work but she was desperate to make this alliance work.

Madhu, your good-for-nothing daughter will come back one day after breaking her Marriage. Just like she is compelling you to break your own.

Mark my words.

She flinched as his words rang in her ears, yes she is desperate and unwilling to make this marriage work with Raman without caring to know even if he wants her in his life or not, not because she loves him but she wants to prove someone wrong.

Her maternal family!!!

Ideally, Ishita doesn't need anyone in her life, she is a perfect example of a strong and self-sufficient woman but after spending a major part of her life alone, she was tired now. Tired to pose as strong, a part of her want someone as her back and if this time Raman wants to be her back then she wants him to be the one.

This all was growing more complicated as she dwelled more in her thoughts, lying on her back and gazing at a lone shining star in the sky.

Just tell me once Raman that you need me. I am ready to overlook everything.

She didn't have the strength to say the same to her husband, still scared if he misuse her insecurities but she spoke her heart out looking at a star. Like he came alone today just to hear her out.

But I am ready to sacrifice my self-respect for him! My pride! Is it right?

Another part of her mind nagged her with the same question and she became numb, a cool gust of wind passed and she shivered. Ishita rubbed her bare arms to seek some warmth. She unlocked her phone, it was midnight according to local time. Her head was pounding with pain, Ishita wore her slippers back and walked back inside their private villa. She knows Raman is busy with his international clients and will take another two hours. She closed the door of their master bedroom and stripped her clothes. After fetching her robe, she stepped inside the shower cubicle and allowed the lukewarm water to undid the knots of her body. Her hands remained rested against the glass walls and she blocked all the worries which were eating her up.