The Binding String

T H I R T Y - E I G H T

But now Ishita wanted to escape from the marriage.

And started to do all the things she never does, she partied late night,  drank alcohol with her friends, danced crazily in pubs and what not. All the stupid things which she loved to do with Raman earlier, she wanted to do for herself only but her escape remained shortlived. Soon Raman's pictures with random glamorous ladies started to surface on social media, suddenly he started to become famous on social media and emerged as an youth icon of PSR for his business talks. In days he posed as an affluent businessmen with big names and at night as a hard-core party lover. Everything about Raman was enough to affect Ishita in a negative manner, she started to feel herself rejected somewhere and after few weeks as the rumors of her husband affair came in floor it broke her completely. It is well said that it's better to be speak up but Ishita had no one to said hare her worries and fears. The mask of being happy didn't last longer and in same year around the month of early November, Ishita suffered with nervous breakdown. 

Whenever Ishita recalls those days her eyes filled with tears making her realise how much helpless was she despite posing strong. The memories of those days leaves her broken and realised she is a loser. Ishita throat became horase and she clamped her hand over her mouth to suppress her sobs, her daughter was sleeping next to her and she cannot afford to wake her up.

Why I'm crying?  Kyon ro rahi hoon main? Main toh kabhi...kabhi nahi roti hoon na phir kyon aaj? Woh bhi Raman ke liye? Ya unhe khone ke darr se? (Why I'm crying for Raman? I don't cry then why today. Is it because I'm I'm scared to loose him?)

She jumped at her place wiping her cheeks again and again wondering does she fell actually fell in love with her husband?

Main kaise Raman se mohabbat kar sakti hoon? Mujhe toh kabhi kisi se pyar karna hi nahi tha na......phir kyon? Shaadi ke waqt khud se waada kiya tha ki Raman se kabhi mohabbat nahi karoongi phir Roohi ke janam ke waqt khud se waada kiya tha ki usse bhi mohabbat nahi karoongi par ab toh ek ek pal un dono ke bina nikaalna mushqil hai mujhe phir main kaise zinda rahoongi?

(It cannot happen. I cannot fall in love with Raman. I have vowed not to fall in love with him but but I do. Later at the time of Roohi's birth I promised myself to maintain distance with her but I broke that promise as well. Now they made me so weak that a mere thought of spending a second without them is enough to give me nightmares.)

Ishita took sleeping Roohi in her arms and hugged her tightly, shedding silent tears. She was in love with her husband but she had no faith on her fate knowing well it snatched the peoples from her whom she loved most. She bore her mother and sister indifference but would she able to live with her daughter indifference? The love is beautiful only if it can be reciprocate equally from another side and here with the hanging sword of Raman ex lover, would the tender thread of love managed to survive?

Ishita cherished her realisation of love in the dimly lit room carrying sleeping daughter in her arms until the churn of door made her alert. She made Roohi sleep back on her place and closed her eyes pretended to be asleep. After few minutes she felt her favourite manly scent around her and his fingers caressing her cheeks, she remained laid with closed eyes when his lips touched her forehead softly. His touch gave her peace and she never realised when she actually fell asleep hugging Roohi.