TITANS. aot

GRIEF | s. braus

sasha | fem!bodt!reader

warning:
mention of depression, slight manga spoilers

we fell in love in october,
that's why i love fall
looking at the stars,
admiring from afar.
— girl in red, we fell in love in october.

                                                                                            

     the fire scorched and grew, its hellish colors taunting you as you watched with a frown. the smell of bones and flesh continued to make your stomach churn sickly, the dinner you ate earlier threatening to come back up and spill into the pavement.

     your heart felt heavy, bringing you down and down to an overwhelming ocean of sadness and pain. you couldn't breathe properly without feeling the weight of sorrow suffocate you. it didn't help that the smoke from the raging fire burned your lungs, making it painful every time you suck in air to breathe.

     your eyes teared up as you stared at the mixture of red and orange, your heart aching so painfully as you recalled the faces of the soldiers who died. soldiers who gave up their lives to fight off the titans.

     a choked sob left your lips.

     after trying so hard to kept your tears to yourself, to hide the pain that was slowly killing you, you finally let it all out. you cried and cried in hopes of getting rid of the pain, your eyesight becoming blurry as you continued to stare at the inferno.

     you never felt so empty until now, all joy in your life was suddenly replaced with sadness.

     "marco... come back." you cried harder, your legs buckling until you fell.

     the physical pain in your knees couldn't compare to the sorrow eating you up nor the trauma and grief. you lost a family that one fateful day and all you wanted to do was to fall asleep and never wake up again.

     around you was your friends you grew accustomed to, dull eyes trained on the fire. each was mourning the loss of their comrades in their own way but each couldn't bring themselves to comfort one another, knowing how the other just wanted to be alone for now.

     it wasn't your case. you desperately wanted a shoulder to cry on, someone to comfort you and whisper sweet words that would soothe pain in your heart. you needed someone to talk to; you don't want to hear your thoughts telling you things you don't want to hear when alone. only one could calm you down and stop you from sobbing and breaking down completely but he was the person you were mourning for.

     jean, a close friend of yours, was also mourning the loss of his best friend. you couldn't just bring yourself to cry to him when he, too, was hurting.

     "y/n..." you weakly lifted your head up, the soft voice from this unknown source giving your heart a soft flutter of comfort.

     you wiped the tears that kept coming back up, squinting your eyes as you caught sight of a brunette. you wiped the remainder of your tears and stood up, with the help of her outstretched hand.