Kiss √

FOURTEEN

[him]

NAMJOON'S chest was rising up and down, his heartbeat ricocheted between his ears. jin had shoved the door shut, he had no choice but to face jimin. he hated himself for what he had said that night, one quick look at jimin and namjoon simply wanted to fade away into an abyss of emptiness.

jimin was the epitome of death. he was nothing like the man from two weeks ago. it was evident that everything had taken a toll on jimin. his frivolous appearance attacked namjoon's sanity.

"jimin." namjoon called as jimin plopped onto his bed silently.

jimin was so deep in thought, namjoon's words just flew by his ears. he didn't notice namjoon sitting next to him.

namjoon laid his hand on jimin's back. jimin flinched from the sudden contact. his eyes slowly watered with tears as he looked namjoon in the eye.

"i'm sorry jimin." namjoon muttered as his voice cracked.

jimin's sunken eyes stared back at namjoon. his hair was frizzled, as he hunched his back.

"you're not sorry." jimin paused, "or you wouldn't have waited two weeks."

the darkness that surrounded them grew darker. the gloom welled up from below. the room was thick with tension.

jimin knew namjoon was drunk, but namjoon's words had inflicted a scar on him. he wasn't in the right state of mind for the past weeks. jimin's own thoughts attacked his mind.

"did you ever think about me." jimin started with a smile that had split in half.

the way jimin's eyes glanced at namjoon hit differently. it was a look full of pain. jimin's eyes had welled up. his head was tilted towards the left, as his mouth was slightly agape. nothing could remove the heaviness that rested in jimin's chest.

"my sister was the reason i was on the streets that night." jimin's voice was gentle but not more than a mere whisper.

namjoon's head swarmed with regrets. jimin's words tore away his trembling heart and everything below his metal skin.

"she killed my parents, and burned our home down." jimin's voice cracked with every word he spoke.

jimin's pain hadn't dulled over time. his wounds didn't heal. it still lingered in his heart like a shadow as it slowly consumed his happiness. a heavy blackness had swallowed him.

"she nearly murdered you, who gave me a family."

namjoon cried internally, the pain stabbed him in the back. he was foolish to say that under influence. it was a mistake he would never forget. it would always be etched into his memory. he watched silently as jimin sprouted a few tears.

"then she shows up again in my life." jimin paused, "she left me with no one and she came back like nothing happened."

jimin was overflowing with tears, with every word he spoke another tear broke free from his silent cries.

"and she wants my forgiveness."

jimin was fragile underneath his tough exterior to break through. his silent cries were as seldom heard.

"why would you think i'd send her after you."

namjoon closed his eyes, as he pressed his fingers across his temple. he broke jimin's heart. namjoon took away the color from his soul. he could never heal jimin's cracks.

"jimin, i was drunk, i wasn't in the right mind." namjoon sighed, as his eyes glistened with water.

it was unlikely of namjoon to show any emotion. he always kept his struggles hidden from everyone.

"you know hyung, they say drunk people speak the truth." jimin's whimpered, "do you really think of me that way?"

namjoon was star-struck. his eyes widened. jimin was broken, the pain surfaced with his every word. jimin's wounds reopened again every time it was given a chance to heal.

jimin wailed, "hyung you're my brother."

"jimin, you're my dongsaeng, i would never hurt you." namjoon asserted, as he noticed jimin's lips quivering.

"you guys are my home."

namjoon didn't speak. he wanted jimin to let go of all his emotions. his heart cracked to see jimin like this, with his eye bags supplementing his appearance, his unruly hair and his old tattered clothes. he wanted jimin to cry all his sorrows aside, to weep away his pain.

namjoon rubbed the youngers back, as jimin put his hands on his knees. his tears drizzled his pants as he put his head down.

jimin wept, "i'm the hacker aren't i, there's a reason i don't fight."

namjoon knew jimin could not fight the day he took him in. jimin was a soft little child. it was clear the day namjoon found him that jimin had gone through struggles and suffered immense pain. to see a wailing boy on the side of the streets was obvious enough to him. jimin was best suited for the stuff beneath the scenes.

"the last thing i'd do is hurt you guys."

namjoon knew that very well, they were all family. each one of them had come from a tragic background. each brother meant the world to all of them. they were seven or none. bangtan wouldn't exist without all seven of them.

jimin stared at the window, hoping to be captivated by the white gleam of the moon. he had forgiven namjoon, all people make mistakes, but namjoon's words would forever remain within jimin.

namjoon glanced around the white walls of jimin's room. his eyes fixated on the table which rested beside jimin's bed.

namjoon noticed a white pill bottle by jimin's labeled antidepressant. namjoon's eyebrows furrowed, jimin had said he was better. jimin told namjoon he didn't need them anymore. it was clearly not true. jimin was getting worse. everything was beating him up from the inside.

"jimin please talk to me if you're not fine."

jimin chuckled as he choked back his tears, "hyung, when have i ever been fine."

namjoon didn't hesitate as he wrapped his arms around jimin, pulling him into a hug. he couldn't stand to see the younger so vulnerable. it broke namjoon's stone heart.

"it's okay jimin, everything will be alright." namjoon whispered as he embraced jimin.