PRAY YOU CATCH ME | zion kuwono

ch. 61

61
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zion sped like there was no other cars on the street, like it was a fast and furious movie with just him and alaya in it. on the other hand alaya laid unconscious in the passenger seat.

every other second zion looked over to his side to make sure she was okay. ahead of him was the first street light they came upon and couldn't detour. the light went from green to yellow to red in a blink of an eye.

zion slammed on the brake making alaya fly foward but stopping a little ways before the dashboard, if it wasn't for the seatbelt zion went back to buckle around her, who knows what would've happened.

"FUCKKKKK" zion screamed, smacking the streering wheel repeatedly. he started hyperventilating himself this time, his eyes bulged and all he could do was push his hair back with his hands over his head breathing loudly.

a huge gasp for air came from alaya, and she sat up quickly. examining the area around her, zion looked like he just saw a ghost ready to possess him. he took both of his hands and shook alaya roughly, "alaya? are you ok?" he asked, "what the fuck happened?", came the second question.

"i-idk zion, we were talking about-" alaya paused, eyes big, they had a glimpse of someone who was afraid if you looked too long. she stopped talking, she thought it was best to see what zion would say first.

"we were talking about brandon" he said turning away from her.

a car honk came from behind them, zion rolled down the window and stuck the middle finger back to the people, and then rode over to the parking lot next to the lights.

"if we talk about this are you going to be okay?" zion wanted to make sure that her severe panic attack would not happen again because it scared him in all types of ways.

alaya nodded, pressing her lips together in a firm line. "why?" he asked, with a straight face. alaya could only see the side of him, because no matter what he wasn't going to make eye contact.

alaya put her hands over her face, "before we have this conversation, i want to make sure your not going to snap. i want you to listen to my side and i'll listen to yours."

"i'm not" he said plainly.

alaya couldn't read zion this time, almost every time they had an argument she was able to tell what was next to come from him. but this time was way different.

"to answer your question i'm not sure why, i know i always had some feelings towards brandon, but they weren't anything sexual. i love him as a friend but everything was too much for me at that time, i felt basically worthless of myself. like i meant nothing to everybody" she replied, realizing that she didn't know she thought that way about herself until she said it aloud.

alaya rolled her head back on the seat, breathing deeply. "after those guys tried to rape me, it made me look at myself differently. i never talked about what happened with anybody, so it was built up in me. the drinking, the staying out all of that was a way to push it to the back of my mind." she sighed.

zion listened attentively, not butting in to say something rude or to interrupt to say his point. he wanted to hear what she said because he knew what she was going through, he felt that same exact pain before.

"one night i saw brandon, i didn't know it was him until i got close. i went over to him and we talked, he helped me in a way. the more i spent time with him the more i realized that i was wrong for doing anything sexual with him, but he was my happiness." alaya looked down into her lap, embarrassed by what she told him because she knew it hurt him.

but even then alaya lied, she didn't think she was wrong for having sex with brandon. alaya liked having him around, physically and emotionally. he really did help her.

"i can't hate you for that alaya, i know how you feel. i know why you went out and drank, because for the short moments you had while you were drunk, you were able to escape all feelings" zion explained with every ounce of feelings he had.

he still wouldn't look at her. "zion i really truly am sorry, my intentions were never to hurt you"

"i know, i know, i know alaya. but you did." looking over at her for the first time, she could see his eyes were blood shot, holding back tears.

"i was there to help you and to be your happiness, i tried so hard for you. i did everything i thought you wanted from me." he glared at her for a moment.

"i- zion i know, i'm thankful for you every waking moment, i want you to know that"

"then why couldn't you come to me ? you could've told me your problems and how you felt because i know." vulnerability was written all over his face at this point, she now knew why he wouldn't look at her.

"zion i don't have an answer for that."

alaya really didn't know why she couldn't just go to zion, find that comfort in zion. the same one she did with brandon. it could've been from trust, no matter what zion said to her, she never trusted him.

she didn't trust him with her feelings anymore, everytime she did. he just showed her why she shouldn't in the first place.

his hands went on the steering wheel, tapping one finger than the next until it became a little beat, it seemed to calm him down.

"do you not trust me?" he asked, you could hear the pain in every word.

she didn't know what to say to him, she didn't want to lie this time because if she did, he would know the truth. zion already knew the answer, anyone who knows the relationship between them, knows the exact answer.

"zion... i don't want to hurt you with my words" she knew he was sensitive right now. anyone could tell.

his head landed on the steering wheel, between his hands. "just tell me!" he slightly yelled.

scaring alaya, making her jump back a little at his loud words. that was the first time he yelled at her this whole conversation, she wasn't expecting it.

with a quick reaction, she didn't think first, "no zion i don't" she exclaimed.

"then how can you be with me?" he said, pointing to himself. this time alaya couldn't look at him because he looked too hurt.

"i don't know zion, i don't know anything anymore." she whispered lightly.

"if you don't know anything then we shouldn't be together, there's nothing holding us together anymore, i lost all my respect for you the minute i found out about you 2." he said quickly.

that stung, it instantly broke her heart in 2. what have i done ? she thought. taking a deep breath in,
"if that's how you feel zion, then so be it" she said looking out the window.

alaya didn't want to fight back to make him stay, he's right. there's nothing holding them together anymore. "just take me home."

A U T H O R S N O T E

i hope you enjoyed !

stay safe 🦋
*new chapter next wednesday