The Ust Files

Untold Story

My classmates and friends used to say that I'm very blessed and so lucky having a loving, caring, supportive and head turner boyfriend. Hindi sa nagyayabang ako pero ganun sya i-described ng karamihan. They used to say too that we're so look happy together... I think so.

He does everything, even the household chores kinacareer nya. Basta may free time sya at hindi busy sa school works or walang lakad ang tropa naglalaan sya ng oras para sakin. Kaya never ko naramdaman sakanya ang maging 'attention seeker' Ganun nya ako kamahal at ang pamilya ko. At ipinagpapasamalat ko yun...

But I have my very own secret that me and my family only knew about it.

Pangalawa ako sa tatlong magkakapatid, yun ang alam ng lahat. Yeah! You've guessed right. The 'third' child of my parent was mine. At hindi ito alam ni boyfriend. From the very start ang alam nya she's my little sister. Yun din ang alam ng relatives and neighborhood namin.

Halos mag tatlong taon na kaming steady, and I really want to tell him the truth. That I got pregnant when I was 16 and gave birth when I'm 17 and that baby is the one he used to play with when he's home. But I'm afraid, afraid that everythings will change. Most likely afraid that I'm going to lose him, afraid that my alive doll will no any longer be happy kapag nawala sya samin. 

Mahal na mahal ko ang boyfriend ko, masaya ako para sa anak ko pag nakikita ko silang nagsasaya. Pero kung minsan ang bigat bigat sa pakiramdam na gustuhin ko man syang tawagin na anak, hindi ko magawa. Dahil kahit sya mismo ang alam nya ate nya ako.

Ang hirap manimbang sa pagmamahal ng isang magulang at ng nais makatuwang sa buhay.

As the day pass by, 9 days to be exact before our anniversary I confessed him my secret... 
I can't explain his facial expression. He's angry of course. He just leave me alone... But the next morning I was really surprised, he was at home, he brought me a bouquet of white rose and chocolates and on his left hand a present for my 3y/o alive doll.

Masaya kami nung araw na yun, nag absent kami sa school para makasama lang isa't-isa. Though hindi pa alam ni alive doll na ako yung mom nya. And nagalit syempre yung mom and dad ko telling the truth to my boyfriend . They're very worried kasi baka kumalat ang tsismis....yun yung kinatatakot nila kaya pinalabas nilang anak nila si alive doll. 

Lumipas ang mga araw hanggang sa exact anniversary date namin na parang nanlalamig sya sakin...

I'm not familiar with the feelings he showed to me... Hanggang sa dumalang na yung pagpunta nya sa bahay, even pagtawag or text. If online sya biglang mag o-offline pag chinachat ko sya. At minsang nag ka eye to eye kami sa lover's lane nag iwas sya ng tingin.

Damn! Ang sakit... Minsan tuloy naisip ko sana nakinig na lang ako kila mommy hindi sana ako nasaktan ng ganito. 

To you JD, mahal na mahal pa rin kita. Hindi ako galit sayo kasi alam kong isang malaking kasalanan ang kasinungalingan ko sayo sa loob ng mahigit 3 taon. Hindi man malinaw ang closure natin sana kahit kay alive doll magpaalam ka, para sa anak ko. Salamat sa lahat! I will never forget you... Yes you never say good bye pero pinaramdam mo... But still I'm so in love with you. 
Handa pa rin akong maghintay sayo.

To my alive doll, you will never be a mistake honey. You are my world... I love you so much anak...

Proud to be a single mom (Hailey)
20**
Faculty of Medicine and Surgery