The Ust Files

Blank Space

It’s already 8:59, Silent Sanctuary was still on-stage. I was thrilled but I kept calm. It was a perfect moment.

We were talking about how we first met, how we always eat at Mang Tootz and laugh with our classmates. I knew that night was gonna be a different one. The morning of Paskuhan you texted me:

You: I have something to tell you tonight. 

Me: Sige, later when we meet. smile emoticon

I was in a floral dress, something I’m not used to wearing but just for you and this special night, I wore it. You told me I look pretty.

I didn’t care when they started the countdown for the fireworks. I was focused on you putting your face close to mine. This is it, I thought, and then you whispered something. My ‘yes’ was already waiting to be blurted out when your words started sinking in:

You: Kami na ni ___. Kanina lang. Salamat sa lahat ng words of encouragement, ha. You’re my angel.

I was stunned. Before I could speak the “I’m happy for you” script, you spoke again.

You: __, Sorry ha, maiwan na muna kita, nandito na pala siya. Kwento ko na lang next time.

And you kissed my forehead and ruffled my hair. 

I look at the fireworks teary-eyed because I was not supposed to watch it alone.
I thought you were telling me about us. I thought nagpaparinig ka lang.

I implicitly told you to confess to me, did I not? What about your, “I think I’m falling you”, “’Wag ka munang magbo-boyfriend, ha” lines? Did I miscalculate everything or did I just fall into your tricks? 

I was not able to stop you as my words left me. You walked out smiling to a girl that I recognize, who’s wearing a crop top and a tight black skirt, belly-button showing, and fully made up.

I was there when you met her last month, after which you told me you prefer simple girls. 

And yet I thought tonight I was beautiful enough.

Donna Paulsen
2014
College of Science