Withdrew Control//31

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I scrape my fingernail across the ridges of the husk Jedi doll as Armitage paces around still complaining. It feels like it's already been a couple hours that I've had to listen to his voice raises and angry muttering to himself. Slip is sitting at the table with his head on his arms. His curls are slightly damp, his roots are dry but his ends are dark from moisture. Armitage has already asked him lots of questions, so he had the opportunity to clean himself and change into some other clothes. A black long sleeve shirt and pants I assume he would wear to bed. Armitage, as usual, not satisfied with any of my answers is keeping me here. Covered in drying blood. I feel parts of my hair stiff and with red that belonged to Cheeb. My face feels as if I have dry paint chipping away as the minutes go by. Every so often I scratch my cheek or brush my hair back with my hands and the blood goes deeper beneath my fingernails. I look down again at the doll. My fingers vibrate over the rows of the dolls exterior.

"A waste. A complete, total, utter gigantic, stupid waste of time." He paces faster.

I don't answer him. I've already told him everything. Told him that that "the kid" "Tosche" Cheeb. He faked it all. There was never a message from Luke it was all false.

"Why... why did they!"

He is mad, mad because his elite, best of the best stormtroopers told him there was a message even though it wasn't a solid lead. He's mad because we wasted time traveling here and he feels like he needs to form a new group. I understand why he is mad. Everything he is angry about is justified. None the less, I want to wash this murder off. I know it will never leave. Never. His eyes, tears, and his blood. It will never leave my eyes. It's already been replaying like a broken holo message, left behind to make sure I suffer for what I did. I want to at least wash the physical blood off.

I put the doll back into my robes and rest my head on one hand. Tilting my head to the side. My eyes slowly start shutting

"Kylo?"

I open to him, only looking at me from the corner of his eye, his body turned from me.

"Yes?" I speak for the first time in a while.

"I'm finished watching you sit there being useless." He looks at my face and then to my bloodied hands clasped together on the table. "And while you go be useless some place else, why don't you clean yourself."

He turns his head back facing fully away from me. I want to hurt him, he shouldn't be able to get away with talking to me like that. Treating me the way he does. Touching me... the way he does. He made me fall in love with his evil cold heart. He tricked me, he made me show vulnerability so he could destroy me. I won't let him. After standing, I just stare at his back. He hangs his head and lets out a breath, something he never does. I destroy the empathy that grew for him just now. No. He doesn't deserve any of my empathy. Just like he did to me, I grab his shoulder and rip him around to face me.

"I beg your pardon, Ren." He pauses before using the bitter, mocking name. He is sure to announce it with such distaste.

"Oh you will beg."

"What are yo-

I wrap my fingers around his neck and lift him up. I don't want to kill him, I never want to kill anybody again... I just want him to learn. Make him learn that he can't treat me like this. Pay him back for making me fall in love with him. I realize I'm lost in thought when I feel his throat move beneath my hands, him swallowing the breath he took for granted before I so easily had the opportunity of taking his life away. It's when I don't feel his throat move anymore that I let go. Because I love him, and I don't like to hurt him. I let him fall and his head hits my chest, he uses my arms to stabilize himself as he coughs. I stare forward, but I just know his hair is getting messed up, the way his head is pressed into me.

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