Hidden Truth//Kylux

Convince//11

I walk to my room at the end of the day more then ready for bed. I didn't have to see Armitage and it felt weird, like a piece of me was gone. I thought about going to him a couple of times, but I know he would have sent me away. He's too serious when it comes to his duty. Whatever. I wish it could be just us all the time. So I can have Armitage, not Hux. Just to myself.

Now that the day is over I want to see him now, but something in my head keeps stopping me. He might reject me being there. What happened this morning just confuses me so much and I don't know if I even dare talk to him about it. I'm afraid he might end it... what ever it is. I also don't like that I don't know anything about him. I feel like he knows so much about me. He knew more then what I was aware of. I don't think I would have told him about Han being my father ... before, before he showed any affection backanyway. I don't know anymore.

I wish I knew what to do about all of it. He willingly grabbed my hand, that's how all of that started in the first place. I would com him but I won't. I would want him to com me, but I know he wouldn't do that. That's not him. He, has complete control over me and part of me feels like he knows that. Knows that he can control me. It scares me because I like it.

I take off what I usually do and get in bed without covering up. I sit cross crossed and grab my com link off my night stand. I stare at it for a long time before activating it. It lights up and images of Sunset scatter through my mind. Should I? I get the sudden temptation to throw the com link, but I push it away. I remember throwing the com link my mother gave me at the wall. I never knew how much something could mean to me until after it's gone. I'm sorry mom.

I bow my head and fight the tears. I lay down, still on top of the covers and the com link falls to the ground, making quite the clatter. My breathing picks up in my pillow and I clasp it's fabric in my hand so hard it hurts my skin. Why? Why did all this happen? Why Poe?

"Why?" I whisper into my pillow as tears wet the black cloth. Why must I cry? I'm so weak and pathetic. Someone help me, I'm drowning and I can't breathe. I'm drowning from my own cause and I know it.

I grasp the pillow again, only causing more pain. I need help, please, someone. I close my eyes and only think of the darkness it supplies. Darkness, that's what I am. That's what I'm suppose to be.

I feel more dizzy and numb as more tears fall. I get to the point of feeling nothing at all, not even Sunset. He is just a thought in my mind, my dark, disloyal mind. My eyes slowly close and I have no control of my heart slowing down and my breathing becoming a pattern.

"That's all he said?" Luke looks happy. How could he be happy?

"Yes, I made contact again this morning, I know you didn't give me permission, but he contacted me." I defend my self.

"That's okay Ben." He puts his hand on mine "that's good."

"I'm scared Luke." I breathe out and watch his hair flow from it.

"I know, I can sense it." He looks down.

"Luke, he said horrible things... it was so hard to make him think I agreed." I whisper.

"Tell me what he said."

"Well, you mentioned burning the temple and 'killing'" I use quotations with my fingers, "the other students. So I made that stand out."

"And?"

"He." I pause and cringe at the thought. "He told me how I could do it. He offered to help make my dark lightsaber and make it unique. He called me unique Luke, it felt so wrong." I hold his hand tighter.