Hidden Truth//Kylux

Panic//34

"Im tired of this behavior of yours." Armitage says walking into the training room and snatching my unlit sabor from my hands. "I just went into your room."

Great.

"Maybe stay out of there then." I say.

"Ben, it's beyond repair. You even destroyed the wall."

"I'll destroy you." I say it without thinking or looking at him.

"Do not." He pushes me into the wall with one hand, my head hitting the back. "Talk." And holds my own light sabor up to my neck turning it on. "To me like that." He moves it so close I feel the heat. "Ever."

I suck in and try to get as close to the wall as possible. I don't know how much experience he has with this kind of weapon. I look into his eyes and they don't change. They stay an emerald rage. Despite me being stronger then him I'm not match for a glowing sword.

"Please be careful." I say as I take a shaky breath and a warm tear falls down my cheek.

When he sees this he retracts the sabor and drops it to the floor making a loud clatter.

"I'm sorry." He grabs my face with both hands. "I didn't mean to scare you like that."

I turn my face out of hands and soak his left fingers in tears. My black slides down the wall and I bring my knees into my chest. For the first time in a long time I cry. Hard. Actually cry. I cry harder then when I killed Cheeb I cry harder then when I saw Poe out the window my dad and mom hugged me. Crying harder then Luke has ever made me. I feel my face warm up and I gag from how hard I'm crying. Snot pours out my nose with every ache and sob.

Utter despair. Hopelessness. I just want to die.

Armitage gets on his knees and pulls me in. I get out of my childish position and get into a worse one by laying my head in his lap, hugging his hips while I lie down.

"I don't want to fight anymore." I sob.

He caresses my hair. "I don't want to either, my love."

"I wish I was dead." I say.

I feel his hand stop dead on my head and feel heavy.

"What?" He asks.

I sit up and look at him laying on one of my hips. I probably look horrible right now. Ugly. Stupid.

"I said I want to die." I stand up quickly.

I have to get out of here. I have to leave. I have to run. It's all too much I have to run. I have to find Luke and tell him I'm done. I'm running now before my brain and catch up. I hear Armitage scream "Ben" as the door closes behind me. I don't even know where I'm going all I know is I have to run. It's all still too much. This place is so so so black I have to leave.

"Kylo!" I hear Armitage scream for me again.

I shield my eyes with my hand at the bright star shining above when I make it outside. I keep running I have to. I have to run the emotions out. They still haven't left. I can't breath I can't breathe I can't kriffing breathe. My feet running on the grass sounds muffled in my ears. Out of my peripheral vision I see white tangly flowers going up the trees and intertwining with grass blades. It would be so serene if not my current state.

My hands and knees slam to the floor after what feels like a fall in slow motion. I feel my heart beat in my legs as I fall to my side and then to my back. The pine blocks out some sunlight but only enough to where I still squint. My hands sting and I lift them to see scratches and blood dripping my my palms.

I can't breathe I can't breathe.

"Ben!" I hear Armitage again.

I can't breathe.

"Please don't run again." Armitage slams down next to me on his knees and I know it hurt him.

"I can't breathe" I say as I start to hyperventilate to where my throat hurts.

"Yes you can. You're just panicked is all." He says holding my face forcing me to look at him.

"Breathe slowly now." He says. "Breathe in three seconds out three seconds in."

I look away and oook up at the trees blowing in the wind. The rays of sun shifting on my pale skin making designs with the leaves. Armitages voice only get quieter and smaller.

"Breathe slower, Ben." He says muffled now.

The nice trees slowly get taken over by a black circle getting smaller and smaller, eating my vision.

"I... can't breathe. I can't-"

The trees are so beautiful.....

*********************🌅🌌*****************

When I open my eyes again I'm in his bed. The trees are gone. It's just a black ceiling. I'm so tired of this. I feel better now though. I look to my right and see him in an arm chair doing work on his touch pad.

"A lot of people saw that, Ben." He says without looking up. "I had to get a medical droid to assist me in getting you here. Too many of them saw your face."

"I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me." I say turning my head back to the ceiling.

"You fainted from panic." He says.

I Can tell he looked up this time as his voice is more clear. I Can tell he's mad though as there isn't a shred of empathy in his tone.

"Oh." I say.

"Have you decided which planet you want to see next?"

"No."

"Then can i?"

"No."

"Okay."

"Amritage I'm sorry for that. I didn't mean for them to see my face."

"You keep proving to me you're not actually sorry." He looks down again.

-yoitsme108