A second chance.
That was what I wished for.
The one thing I prayed for every night before I sleep. The one thing I prayed for, at the very night before I woke up in an entirely different life.
A new life.
My second chance.
❈❈❈
I was 30 years old wh...
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—First life. St. Vincent's Hospital, year 2027—
White.
That was the first thing I saw as my heavy eyelids came open, before everything came clearer to me and I was met with the familiar sight of my white ceiling. I could not remember how I ended up lying on my bed or how I had fallen asleep. The last thing I remembered was Jungkook gripping my upper arms so tightly that it hurt, and I started feeling scared for my life.
Then everything became a blur.
Was I crying? I could only wonder. Because I remembered the tears and the sobbing that came bubbling from inside of me. I remembered seeing him getting so angry—at me, at himself, at everything happening around us—while I felt my own rage burning deep inside me simply for having him there, messing up with my feelings. And I vaguely remembered thinking about how he had no right to blame me for this and for him to demand all the things he was saying to me.
How could he? How dare he ask that much from me, after everything that he had done? For all the neglect and the pain he had given me when I had given him so much, when I kept giving him nothing but chances, only to have him break me apart, over and over again.
"Why do you keep forgiving him, ______? Why do you keep giving him more chances even after he had screwed you up so many times?"
I closed my eyes and let Yoongi's voice rang in my head as I tried to find the answer to the question he had always given me. Yet the only thing I could find was the pain residing inside my chest. One that somehow felt deeper than the pain I was getting from the monstrosity of my illness that was supposedly eating me up inside.
As I opened my eyes to the sight of my bedroom once more, I exhaled a deep breath and felt how terribly dry my throat was. A soft, groggy moan slipped out from me as I tried to move and look around, to find and reach for something to relieve myself from this dryness, yet no movement was made as my body had become too stiff and too weak to do anything at all.
"You're awake," a gentle voice came from my side and her face appeared to me as she hovered above me. Soyeon gave me a smile as she stood tall next to my bed. From the looks of it, it seemed like she was in the middle of changing my infusion bags when I woke up. I tried to push myself up, only to have her stopping me.
"Don't move," she quickly said, making me look up at her, completely confused. But as the small movement I just made had proceeded to make my head spin, I figured it would be best to comply to her instead of pushing it and I lied still instead. "You've gone through a lot of stress and your body is still recovering from it. There's no need to force yourself up. You'll just feel more pain if you do. You must be thirsty. Let me get you some water."
I could only respond to her with a nod and let her finish doing her job. My eyes grew heavy as I waited. At some point, I had given in and had nearly fallen back to sleep until I felt the bed rising slowly, supporting me to sit a little, before she nudged gently at me to wake me up.
