I Can't Seem To Let You Go

75| Photograph (Pt. I)

💐بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم💐

(In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

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Oh, you can fit me

Inside the necklace you got when you were sixteen

Next to your heartbeat where I should be

Keep it deep within your soul

And if you hurt me

Well, that's okay, baby, only words bleed

Inside these pages, you just hold me

And I won't ever let you go

Wait for me to come home.

- Ed Sheeran♡

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Camila's P.O.V.

Becky has stayed with me for the next couple of days after what went down that night, mainly because I was too afraid to sleep in my room by myself after everything.

She, Sofia and I would all share my bed at night, and for once I'm thankful that it's big enough to fit like, four people without anyone being uncomfortable, but still, I was uncomfortable. It wasn't the bed, though, it was more about having to go to sleep every night knowing that I'm gonna have to let Shawn go in less than a week or else see him getting shot down in front of me. Even the thought itself gives me the creeps.

I haven't spoken to him since that night, at least not in person. I texted him after we got home that I was alright and I turned the bell switch off before going to bed since Sofi was a bit tired and I didn't want the doorbell to bother her then forgot to put my phone on sound mode before going to sleep and so I couldn't answer any of his calls. I hated lying to him, and I hate that I have to do it again, but I keep reminding myself every time I do that it's to keep him safe. It's for his sake, and for him, I would do it all.

As of now, I'm just lying awake in bed at 6:30 a.m, Becky sleeping peacefully on the other side of the bed and Sofia snoring lightly between us. I've been up for about an hour now, staring up at the ceiling, thinking, thinking about how I'm going to be after it all ends, how Shawn is going to be, how my life and his are going look like. So many things to think about in so little time.

I've been wrecking my brain with this for the past two days, I've been thinking nonstop about Shawn, about what we have that will soon be over, and even about Austin. How am I supposed to live with this guy?

The idea of being involved with him romantically makes me wanna gag. This kid is a psycho if he thinks that this is gonna make me or him happy. At the end of it, neither of us will benefit anything; he asked for my love, respect and trust, and I can't give any of those in that way to anybody but Shawn, especially him, so he won't get much out of me without a fight, otherwise I'm gonna have to go along with pretending until God's will gets me out of this. What I'm gonna benefit from this is getting to keep my friends and my family safe for as long as possible. Other than that, I gain absolutely nothing.