at the edge of the cliff || ✔

chapter forty-four: because of him

at the edge of the cliff

chapter forty-four: because of him

I am freaking out.

Like, hands sweaty, knees wobbly, and stomach twisted into a million knots, freaking out.

My eyes danced around the hallways searching for the head of messy hair sticking above the crowd. People pushed passed me as I moved slowly through the halls, probably getting in the way, but I don't care. I wanted to find Grayson. I needed him at the moment, as much as I didn't want to depend on him, I did.

I was basically on the verge of a panic attack.

Tomorrow is the day.

I'm going to see my mom after all these years.

Today is very eventful and. . .stressful. Very, very stressful. And its not even the day in going to see her. I can only imagine how I am going to be tomorrow.

I couldn't sleep last night because after receiving the call saying what prison my mother was in and what time we should be there and on what day, that was all I could think about. I told Wen that I needed rest and locked myself in my room the rest of the night making up senarios in my head of how it'll go. What she will look like. What I will look like to her. If she would be the same or not. If she would be mad at me. If I would go by myself, or if Wen would attend with me. What I would say to her when I see her. What she will say when she sees me.

My mind was on overdrive last night and it still hasn't stopped.

And then after meeting with my mom, I have to go to Ryder's fight that I promised him and Grayson I would go to. So I have to act like everything is fine and dandy after seeing my mother after years and years. There's just a lot happening. And no one knows about it. Which is why I need to find Grayson. He has this calming affect on me, of you haven't guessed, and usually I would pretend that he didn't, that I didn't need him, but I too the point where my breathing is unsteady so I really dont care at the moment.

I spot his head above the crowd so I pick up my pace, but still going steady so I don't collapse under my shaky legs. I get where I am right behind him, him still walking not knowing I'm there. "Gray?" I call out getting his attention. He stops and spins around, pulling out his headphones. His eyebrows furrow as he looks down at me, but before I could just spill out my guts, I notice the dark circles under his eyes.

I'm guessing he didn't sleep well last night either.

So instead of saying what I was originally going to say, I simply spit out, "Hey." He eyes me skeptically for a moment. I fall into step beside him, adjusting my bag on my shoulder. "What's up?" He asks, sticking his headphones in the side pocket of his bag. I suck in a breath, but don't answer. We start to near our first class, which we had together, but before we reached the door, I grabbed his arm and tugged him aside. "Are you okay?" He hand immediately grips my arm when I close my eyes, feeling neuseous all of a sudden.

"Do you want to ditch?" My eyes flutter open as I stare up at him, desperately hoping that he'll say yes. That I won't have to deal with school and its idiotic people today. Thats not really what I need. Not today.

He searches my eyes for a second, the orbs darting left to right, looking for something. He slowly nods and slides his hand that was still gripping my forearm and slides it down to my wrist, then to my hand, interlocking our fingers, before pulling me out of that hell hole.

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"We've been driving for like twenty minutes now. Are you gonna speak?" Grayson asks, glancing at me for half a second before resuming past the stop sign. I sigh. It was true. Ever since we left I couldn't bring myself to speak. It's like my mind put my mouth on mute. I opened and shut my mouth so many times, but no words made their way out. I wanted to tell him about my mom, just get the weight off my chest. But after seeing that he looked just as bad as I felt, I couldn't. After he spilled about that call with his brothers ex-girlfriend and told me about Will, I felt so bad. My heart hurt for him, so I didnt want to put my problems on him.