at the edge of the cliff || ✔

chapter fifty-six: unjustifyable explanations

at the edge of the cliff

chapter fifty-six: unjustifyable explainations

You know how a mom feels when they send their kid off to kindergarten for the first time? Yeah, I felt all of those emotions at the moment watching my mom climb into her brand new car (well brand new to her), and drive off to her job for the first day. Its actually happening.

Things are going to be normal soon.

As much as I absolutley love Wen and Ryder, I'm pretty sure they know by now, me and my mom are going to find our own place and move out. I am not that far away from graduating, and my plans are still to leave this place. And the way that things are going right now, I'm pretty sure my mom will be back on her feet by the time that happens so I won't feel guilty about leaving. Plus, I'm only half of the way through my junior year. I think we have enough time.

Speaking of leaving this place, I wonder if that is still Grayson's plan. I wasn't exactly sure if he was set on leaving or staying, but I'm pretty sure its leaning more towards leaving. He said the only thing holding him back from never coming here again was his brothers grave. I think he needs to really accept the fact that he is gone. Of course he is never going to get over it, but that can't be the reason he is miserable his whole life. It can't hold him back more than it already has. And don't even get me started on the relationship with his parents. I'm still working on that.

I turn around and go back inside to the empty house.

Wen was at work herself, and Ryder was at the boxing place getting ready for a fight, which I am going to. I jog up to my room and scan my closet, needing an outfit to wear. I end up settling with light gray leggings and a matching long sleeved crop top. I go into the bathroom, stopping to look at my reflection.

I look so different. Not so different. But I have more color in my face and its fuller because now that I'm not stressing over every little thing, I actually take the time out of the day to eat. I gained a few pounds making me look like I wasn't sick, like I did before. And over all, I just looked happier. I felt it too. I felt so much happier, and relieved. Relieved that I didn't have to be afraid. I didn't have to worry about things. Of course, my over thinking and anxiety wouldn't just disappear, but I could over think about what to wear and have anxiety over presentations at school. I don't have to keep looking behind me while I walk to see if my father or his two little henchmans were following me. I didn't have to lay in bed at night thinking of when the next time I'll see my mom is.

And that felt good.

So fucking good.

So good I found myself smiling at my reflection. My freckled face stared back at me, my lips traced with a faint smile, and for once I didn't think that girl was broken. I didn't think she was weak. I didn't think she was ugly. I didn't think she was depressed. She looked happy.

I looked happy.

And even better. . .I felt happy.

I do all the things you do in the bathroom: brushing teeth, deodorant, perfume, etc. I ended up leaving my hair down, letting it do whatever it felt like doing. And there. . .I am ready.

After grabbing my phone, I leave the house, a little pep in my step. The drive only took fifteen minutes and I soon found myself parking beside Ryder's jeep. When I see a familiar backpack in the passenger seat, it didn't take much to realize Jemma was with him. So I assumed they worked out any problems they were previously having. I walk into the building, going the back way, and wound through all of the cooridors until I reach Ryder's usual room. The door was open so I waltz in, making sure to announce my presense in a very classy mannerism.