Put flowers on the desk. (Soonhoon)

Day 107.

Everything he hoped for was hopeless.

It was dumb and not worth it, and it fucking worsened further how bad things ended up.

They had a "talk" with jihoon.

They sat him down, and sat in front of him while they awaited aunt jim's arrival after she was called.

"We're having some issues which are very difficult to understand and deal with," the man with a heavy accent breaking through his Korean spoke.

"He stopped breathing and his heart stopped for a few minutes, he has a pulse but only due to the workings of our machines. he's breathing because of the machines as well, so it's uncertain if he would be considered alive right now."

Jihoon didn't bother even wiping under his eyes or trying to stop- there was no use in trying not to cry anymore.

"But it's also unfair for him to be considered passing already.. however there's a chance that if he won't wake up tomorrow then we have to take him off machines. That would be the earliest we'd know if he'd survive this."

Jihoon only nodded, rubbing his arm up and down for comfort.

"You can go visit him today if you want.." the doctor paused. "To say your goodbyes."

Jihoon didn't reply, allowing the doctor to stand up and take his leave, carrying his clipboard that held information.

Jihoon couldn't really think anything anymore.

But he knew he couldn't pretend it wasn't happening anymore. His greatest fear was coming to life, and he understood that.

Slowly he made his way to the hospital room, hesitating through his tears as he shakily sat down in front of soonyoung's bed.

The older wasn't awake- no movement was able to be seen.

There was no life present on his ice skin.

Jihoon paused and choked down more tears as he shakily reached for soonyoung's hand, gripping it tightly.

He knew soonyoung would always want him to smile, so even though there were tears flooding his vision and eyes, jihoon ignored it and put on his best effort to place a soft smile on his lips.

"It's okay." He spoke, voice course and weak through sobs. "You can go, soonie.. you don't have to suffer a-anymore.."

There was no sign that soonyoung was even hearing his words.

"You've worked hard.. it's okay, you don't have to hurt yourself anymore.. it's okay if you have to rest. No one will be mad.. no one will hate you."

He found that the longer he looked at his face the harder it got to produce words.

"I won't be mad, baby.. it'll be hard but you don't deserve to suffer. You don't have to cry anymore. All the pain will be gone, you fought so well.. although I'll miss you- I love you." It was so shaky and low.

In that moment the door burst open, and in the doorway was Jim, who immediately dropped her bag and embraced jihoon in a tight hug- causing them both to lose the strength they were trying so hard to hold onto.

Jim comforted jihoon, rubbing his back as they both sobbed, her looking down at her nephew in the hospital bed.

So she pulled back and held jihoon by the arms and smiled tenderly. "You know, he really loves you jihoon. You might not realize but you've made his life so much better." She spoke softly through her tears, sniffling as she wiped her eyes.

"I.. don't want him to go," jihoon let out, taking another look at his boyfriend.

"I know sweetie, I don't want him to either. But we'll hope, and remember that he would want us to be happy. Soonyoung was always that kind of boy." Jim spoke slowly, recalling any past memories she had with him as a child.

The child who would always run around and bring jim a handful of the bugs he found, underneath the rocky soil, legs running quickly before the bugs could crawl up his arms.

His chubby smile that grew with him as he got older.

Kwon Soonyoung really was special.

A person who genuinely cared- his heart filled with love and warmth for everyone he met. He doesn't ask for anything in return afterwards.

its always so amazing every time he spoke.

God- jihoon couldn't even think about the small things.

He realized he would never hear Soonyoung's voice if he died.. he'd never hear his laugh and purity anymore. or all the nicknames he addressed jihoon.

no one could ever say it the way soonyoung did.

A wave of grief washed over jihoon once more, as he felt the idea of even forgetting soonyoung's voice... he didn't want to forget his voice.

or his touch.

or his eyes-

or his hair or his sent- or his love.

it would all be forgotten.

he didn't want that.

jihoon wept.