Put flowers on the desk. (Soonhoon)

Day 83.

"Hey baby, how are you?"

"Lonely." I replied through the phone which he had called to check up on me.

"Aww I'm sorry I wish I were there with you!!" He whined into the phone.
"You're coming back tomorrow?" I asked, hopeful and praying he was.

It was like I heard him think about it. "Ahh Aunt Jim says she wants me to stay just for a little longer.. but she says I'm helping her a lot so I'm glad!"

I swallowed harshly.

"A little longer..?" I repeated. My throat felt sore. "How long?.."

I slowly heard him realize something was off. "Only two more." He said.

"Why is there something wrong?"

I felt my eyes water as I sat down on the bed with the thick white blankets.

"N-No nothings wrong. Just be careful-"

"Your voice. It sounds sad something's wrong."

"No it's just I miss you.." I heard him listening to see if I had anything else to say. Great, I made him worry.

"Jihoon if there's something wrong I'm coming back tonight- actually let me talk to her I can probably come home now-"

"No." I cut him off. "No don't d-do that.."

"Then baby what's wrong..?" His voice sounded worried.

I rub my hand over my cheek and eyes. "Soonyoung I d-don't feel well." I murmured.

"Not feeling well? What do you mean? Are you feeling pain?"

I heard his voice panic to which I quickly calmed him down.

"Not like that.. I don't know I've been sad.. really sad.. I feel like I don't have control of what I feel and I just want you to hug me."

I started crying and he heard me, and his voice started to get softer.

"Did something happen?"

I shook my head. "Nothing happened.. I just- I d-don't even know.. I've been thinking about stuff that I don't like.. I'm making myself afraid." I whispered.

On the other side of the phone I heard him gently say, "I'm coming home.. If I don't come back I won't be able to get through the next three days."

I didn't protest this time.

"O-Okay.."

"Please don't cry." He whispered and I instantly wiped my tears.

"I love you." I say.

"I'll be home in a bit, I love you too. In an hour call me back and I should be almost home.. bye I love you just wait for me."

I nodded and felt my eyes released more tears.

"O-Okay bye," I said and hung up.

My knees felt numb and they wobbled down and I fell onto the floor.

I was in the corner hugging my knees and holding my head. I felt like something broke in me.

I really did.

My heart felt hurt and I kept thinking about how sad I felt.

I didn't know what to do.

I could only stay there and wait, crying and folding my arms over my head.

It felt like hours going by. I was  upset.

I stayed in the position until I finally heard running from outside leading up to the door.

Soonyoung opened the door and without even saying a word wrapped his arms around me.

I curled in his arms instead and started weeping.

I leaned on his shoulder and we sat so that I was sitting on his lap and he was hugging me.

He started swaying and running his hands through my hair.

"Shh shh it's okay.." he murmured. "I'm here its okay.."

"I d-don't know what's happening to me.." I choked out.

"I think I do," He continued to hold me. "A side affect of your medication.." he whispered.

"What?" I remember being confused the first time I heard it.

"I think it's because of your prescription. And you're just taking so much of everything." He gently kissed my head as he pushed back the hair on my forehead in a pattern.

"Please stop crying.. you're okay I'm right here." He whispered again and made me look at him.

He used his thumb to wipe away my tears and rub my cheeks.

"Soonyoung I'm afraid.." I hiccuped and gripped onto him tighter. "What is this?"

I thought I understood what he meant. The doctors told him a side affect was depression but I didn't know it would be this hard.

"Baby just breathe. It's okay I'm here now we're here together."

"But Soonyoung." I cut him off. "I'm supposed to be happy.. why am I still not happy?"

My throat was sore and he hugged me more.

He didn't say anything after that and I heard his voice break as if he himself was about to cry.

He hugged me until I fell asleep.