Whimsical beauty ✔️

Nineteen

Money has its resources. Character defines a person. Behavior shapes that person. But accomplishments..now that...

That represents a person.

What did I truly achieve until now?

I didn't like school and even when I went to BUK, I did it because I just wish to get it over with. I didn't have the luxury to have a primary school certificate, a secondary school certificate. Even though I've gotten an opportunity to get a tertiary certificate, somehow, it was not in my destiny..

When I work, I'm always thinking of how much will be enough to make ends meet. Nothing more!

My cooking classes were one of a kind. If I took it more seriously, I don't doubt I would've been successful with it. But, I always feel its something I needed to do to survive and I don't need to do so much for that much..

I was lazy and I was stupid.

No one should look down on money and accomplishments.

When people see your resume, they have this awe inspiring respect once it is attractive. Resume of life..resume of school..

I feel ashamed.

Saif had predicted this outcome for me. He wanted me to go to school so I can support myself without relying on anyone!

When I saw how content he looked, waltzing around with his adorable wife..I feel bitter. I feel hurt...

His eyes have followed me once or twice I guess. But it still means that he wasn't ready to seek me out. He didn't even look like its on his agenda.

Like I'm fading away slowly..

I can't blame Maree for flaunting much. If I had the same opportunity, wouldn't I do the same?

But thankfully. Now I know that I can't have him every time that I needed him. Sometimes..things happen.

Sitting around feeling sorry will not help me. For once since the Marka period of my life, I felt a chilling intensity in my bones. This place...Maicki. This isn't a place for the faint hearted. The weak will be bullied and the strong will always win.

But this world is Saif's world.

Love doesn't fade in a day. So I don't doubt he still cares about me. For now, it's enough. I know if I tried hard enough, I can make it too!

I suddenly feel a desire to stand by him where no one can have any say at all. At the very pinnacle where I have ties with this man that is more than just personal.

I don't know what is going on with him. But I know, he needs people who will be loyal to him. People like me..

I'm smart and intelligent..

I can work my way to a place that would not be shaken. From there..Who knows! My kids might not need to rely on the Alkali name to survive!

I will be strong for me first. Then for them so I can also be a pillar in their lives. I want to benefit not only my self but the society too. From this day onwards..I wish to reborn. I want to amass such heavy accomplishments that everyone will be forced to respect me, and see me as part of the chess board. And not just the chess piece!

Perhaps this isn't the first time that I've made resolutions. But this feels like my last. Because..no matter what..I will make Saif proud. So proud, he won't need any other woman by his side except me..

I realize, this is my bottom line. Yesmin..she is the last hit on my equilibrium. I don't care whoever it is. Saif is mine. It's okay if I don't need to be the only one in his life. That is Allah's decree so I won't ever fight that. But for any woman to think of eliminating me at will.. I don't have that tolerance any longer.