Whimsical beauty ✔️

Chapter 39

A long author's note at the end. Please endeavor to read it, it's very important! thanks!

***his grief***

Two months later

Saif

It was early in the morning. The house is eerily quiet and the only sounds which could be heard is the chirping of birds. It's a beautiful clear morning. The sun rays are already trying to illuminate bits and pieces of this wide earth. But..

Nothing seems to change.

I still think of her, miss her...

And the pain of loosing her to a crappy bastard who wants my anguish is still fresh. Sometimes, I think so hard, my dementia starts to act up. These days, I lose control like completely.

I had almost injured Papa twice for telling me that the dead is dead and they aren't coming back.

I'm a mess.

I don't understand myself any longer. Sometimes, I'm afraid of myself. What I can do to those that I love. What I can do to those I do not even care about..

Life has become pain.

But Alhamdulillah! I find peace in Zikr. Sometimes, Shaheed will call me and he will recite for me a few ayahs and it keeps me sane.

John tries his best to lend his support by just being there. It helps that he's angrier than I was. He shared my pain and I'll forever remember his undying loyalty.

Imam, I guess, feels so lost that all he does is call me several times a day just to check if I'm still okay.

Sufyan keeps sending me hadiths that he thinks will help ease my sorrow. And it helps a lot because sometimes, his hadiths are so meaningful, they make me remember that Allah is in control of all my affairs.

Ade keeps sending me funny videos and inspirational texts and Emeka tries to tell me if there is anything he could do, I could just ask and I'm grateful for that.

But it's been two months!

I know I've let my enemies laugh long enough but I just can't pick up the pieces and move on. Everything seems dreary. Life seems to move in black and white.

But enough is enough. She's dead. I can't even call her name without feeling my heart slam over my chest in trepidation. So she's dead but I'm still alive. It seems, I'm not dying soon even though I'm going crazy.

So I decided that I will turn a new leaf. I will pretend to be fine and I will try my best to move on. I will really try. But I don't know for how long. How long until everyone gets that Saif is crazy? That I am broken beyond repair?

My life will be ruined.

But it doesn't matter anymore. There was nothing to look forward to except maybe my first child. Honestly, it doesn't feel all that exciting any longer. But for his sake, I will try to be a person again.

Just as I made that resolution, I took a bath and wore one of my regular clothes. Then I walked out of my room. I didn't meet with anyone until I reached outside. Despite remaining in my room for two whole months, I still found the driver outside, doing his job of waiting for the day that I showed up.

He quickly greeted me but I just nodded once. He opened the car door for me and just as I am about to enter, I raised my head feeling eyes on me.

It's Pretty.

She smiled down at me and I just ignored it as I entered the car because i will be lying jf I said I will be able to reciprocate a similar gesture.

I went straight to Papa's office. I don't even know what date today is or if Papa is in his office but I still went there.