In the Office (ManxTransWoman)

Chapter 20

"Yeah, I've been busy." I mumbled, messing with the crumpled edge of my menu.

"May I ask with what? You haven't been to work in days. I was scared I did something wrong since we haven't spoken since our date."

I let out a shaky laugh and felt my hands begin to shake. I do not want to do this. Kinder is so amazing and sweet. I could see myself deeply falling for him and us having a happily ever after. I did feel sparks when we kissed and my heart flutters when I hear or see him.

However, he's never made me feel like Thierry has. I want Kinder but I need Thierry. I crave Thierry. I love Thierry. I live Thierry. He's the one my heart has settled on and I'd be damned if I don't get him. I know he wants me. I know he loves me, even if he demons try to keep it hidden from Thierry himself.

"Kinder, you've done nothing wrong. You're perfect." I said as I gave him a soft smile.

He grins back and his dark eyes twinkle. My stomach ties in knots and I felt my face warm. He's so handsome. Nonetheless, I know what must be done.

"I've been missing for a while because Thierry has been in the hospital. I won't say why just simply because it's not my place." I started, carefully watching his features.

Shock and concern flashed across his face before he gave me a nod to continue. I sighed and gently grabbed his hands. His touch soothed me and I gathered myself before continuing.

"He got admitted the morning after our date. Danny, his secretary and dear friend, called me to let me know. It wasn't looking too good at first so I rushed there with friends and haven't really left much since."

"Oh, Olivia, I'm so sorry that you had to go through this. It's awful. Is he okay? Are you okay?" he asked, kissing one on my hands sweetly.

"He's doing better but he has a long road to recovery ahead of him. He's going to need a lot of support from friends and family......and from someone who loves him and vice versa." I hinted subtly, too scared to just bluntly blurt it out.

Kinder looked confused as he started lazily rubbing small circles on the tops of my hand. However, his confusion morphed into a slightly alarmed and worried realization. He opened his mouth to say something but I stopped him.

"I know I've told you he hurt me in the past. I didn't have clarity of the situation until recently. I now see him and our relationship in a new light. It's a big risk and we'll probably hurt each other again and again until we can heal each other. We'll hurt more without each other though. Kinder, you're the type of guy that I've wished for my entire life. You're funny, charming, romantic, understanding, and so much more. As much I as I wish that you could've been my one, my heart didn't choose you. We've chosen Thierry." I said proudly and firmly, despite the situation.

Kinder hasn't looked at me since I first started making it clear that whatever we were starting was very much over. He long ago gently tugged his hands free from my palms and has been twiddling his thumbs on the table. His posture screamed disappointment and sadness, making my eyes water again. I couldn't stop the tears that are rolling down my cheeks this time.

"K-Kinder, please say something." I begged, my emotions getting the best of me.

"I don't know what to say, Olivia. I'm just need a second to collect myself, please." he whispered, not moving from his position across from me.

I locked my hands together in my lap, staring out the big window beside us. We sat in silence, even after everything it was still comforting. Finally, he sighed and I looked up to meet his dark eyes.

"I can't say I'm completely surprised. I knew from the beginning that you still had feelings for Thierry, even if you claimed you despised him. I guess I was just hoping your feelings for me would eventually outweigh yours for him." he laughed sadly, rubbing his arm in an attempt to calm himself.