Put flowers on the desk. (Soonhoon)

Day 84.

I felt my cheeks and realized I had tears on them.

I pushed myself to the corner again until I heard the voice saying things I didn't wanna hear.

I shot up and stumbled up, pulling myself up and to the bathroom across the hall and locking it.

I tripped to the floor and crawled into the bathtub, holding the side of my face.

Soonyoung doesn't hate me.. He loves me..

But people lie Jihoon.

~~~

It was three hours. I had stayed in the bathroom for three hours.

Sitting in the filled tub filled with hot water, with pills in my hand which I couldn't look at.

They rested in my right hand just above my knee while I curled up, as my wet clothes dragged me down further under the water.

I had never cried this bad.

And I couldn't control my shaking.

The fucking voice hadn't left yet.

And when you hear something that loud in your head you know it real, and you do what it says.

I was muttering to myself.

"jihoon it's n-not scary once it's done." I told myself, putting my shaking hand over my head.

My throat released whimpers and sobs which I was trying to choke back.

I unscrew the lid to the bottle in my hand and toss it so I couldn't change my mind. That's what it told me to do.

I looked at the open bottle finally. I read the back through my blurry tears.

I stared at the back for ten minutes, until I screwed my eyes shut and put the bottle to my mouth, tilting my head back and quickly felt the pellets enter my mouth in a huge pile.

I whimper at the cramped feeling trying to get them all down. It felt fucking horrible.

I used my fingers to somehow cram more in my mouth, crying less noticeable.

That's when I heard a gentle knock on the door. "Jihoon..?"

I threw the pill bottle away from my body and leaned back in the hot water, using the edge of the tub to rest at the crook of my neck.

"..Hoonie? Are you in there?" I heard Soonyoung's tired voice ask from the other side. I heard a small series of knocks again.

I release my breath feeling my stomach trying to fight the how ever many pills I put into my body in that straight moment.

"What's going on? Are you crying..?" He asked softly until I think he noticed the water leaking out of the tub and through the cracks of the door.

He gasped and took a step back from seeing the water. I heard him panic. "J-Ji open the door." He knocked harder and harder. I heard him panic.

"Jihoon open the door!" He shouted desperately. "Baby- please open the door!"

He was begging.

I stared at the door hinge as it was starting to crack at the pressure he was slamming against it.

He was screaming and shouting, trying to get the door down. But I wasn't helping. Instead I felt my eyes grow heavy.

It took him five more minutes to get the door down, to which the hinges finally burst and the door came down.

I saw him. After getting the door down he gasped and looked at the steaming hot water coating the floor.

"Jihoon!" He shouted and ran to me, pulling me out of the tub so I could breathe and pulling me up in his arms.

He was frantic and was feeling my arms and head. "J-Ji- what d-did you do?" I opened my eyes and saw I made him cry.

Moments later he saw the empty pill bottle on the floor and his eyes went wide.

"N-No.." he choked out. He quickly shut off the water and pulled me out of the tub completely. "J-Jihoon no you didn't.."

He held me in his arms. "No, no, no, no..!" I felt my eyes begin to feel like weights, rolling back along with my head.

I heard his voice and felt his arms and hands. I felt his heart. It felt like it was going to explode.

"Jihoon why would you do this?!" He shouted and tried to wake me.

Suddenly I felt his fingers down my throat making me gag and taste the bitterness. I threw up, hazily seeing most of the pills I had swallowed.

While holding me in his arms he had his phone in the other, calling the ambulance.

"C-Come on! O-Open your eyes baby! You can't do this! Please.. Open your eyes!" He moved my hair away from my face.

I saw black and white from the corners of my eyes and my throat started to close. I couldn't breathe.

I let out choked, strangled noises. My body was starting to shut down.

I closed my eyes unable to fight the feeling.

"Jihoon! Please no Jihoon!" He sobbed. "Open y-your eyes- please- why'd you do this- please open your eyes!"

I heard a mixture of his words before I saw nothing and heard nothing.

I regret this.