daddy. // the 1975

thirty two // everybody's watching me

** AN / this chapter and the following are actively being edited (as of 12/7/22) sorry for the confusion please bare with me as i fix this story. it should be completed soon please check back **

end of december.

+

matty recently finished his rehabilitation. i mostly noticed improvements, but he still had his moments. he's been sober from drugs, he only drinks socially. I make sure to keep an eye on it at all times.

I've been staying with him for about 6 months now. it's safe to say i won't be moving back to new york. i've started to see manchester as my new home. i've hardly talked to my mom, too. i've been thinking about going back to visit. i haven't been back in a few months. all of my shoots have either been in the uk, or california.

matty and the band are planning a tour for sometime next year, i need to figure out my work balance with that. the album drops in february, and i assume the tour will be a few months.

more importantly, i need to decide on the job offer in paris. the timing makes me nervous. it scares me to think matty and i will be separated for so long.

i don't think distance is what we need anymore. if anything, distance is going to tear us apart. i haven't told matty about the job yet, but i know he would want me to do it. i don't know how we would make it work.

"matty!" i called for him from the spare room, which has been converted to an artistic space for both of us. i've been taking up reading and journaling lately to focus on my mental health.

"yes, love," he ran over to me. "what's going on?"
"i've been thinking, what if we go to new york after christmas? i want to try to make amends with my mom. we could even spend new years on time square watching the ball drop," i said to him. to my surprise, his face lit up

"that would be lovely, let's do it then," he kissed my cheek. "how about we fly out a day or so before new years? i've also been thinking, i want you to meet my parents, more specifically my mum. we could do that on christmas, yeah?" he said.

i cant think of anything better, actually. i love the sound of that.

"let's do it, babe!" i said.
i still haven't brought up the job. i have to make a decision before the year is over. i need to talk about it now.

"matty, i also have something to bring up," i sighed, "i've been holding it in for awhile. i was offered a modeling contract for 6 months in paris. it starts in march, and ends in august."

i felt a part of me breaking apart. the separation would kill me. i know it would hurt him too.

"willow, that's amazing news, what do you mean! you have to do it, you can't say no to that," he exclaimed. he's not seeing it the way i am.

"but, what about us?" my voice trembled softly.
"we will figure it out, my love. if you want to do this, we can temporarily move to paris. it'll be fine, don't overthink this. just say yes, the rest will come after," he said, easing my fears.

i guess he's right. it's not a leap of faith without holding out faith.

"i know you're worried about the tour, and us not being together as much, but baby girl, this is how our life is going to be. if it's not me traveling, it's you. we find balance as it comes," he said.

i hate when he's right.

"i know, daddy, it's just a lot to take in at once. especially since your tour will be in north america. we're gonna be so far apart," i said. i didn't even realize i was sniffly already.
"i'll find downtime to come to you, or you can visit me wherever i am, i promise it'll all workout baby girl," he replied.

+

christmas.

our first christmas together. how exciting. the holidays are usually dreadful, but this year is different. everything is starting to fall into place.

"okay, baby, it's time for your present,"  matty said with excitement. he has been so excited to give me whatever it is.

i opened the beautifully packaged gift to see an interesting wooden box.
"you got me a box?" i asked him, confusingly. to the eye, it is just a wooden box.
"no, baby, not just any box. it's a love box. i can send you messages from anywhere i am to this box. it's a reminder, that i'm always here," he said. my eyes started to tear up yet again.

where was he my whole life? i've always needed someone like him.

"i love you so much," i said to him, as he wrapped me in his arms.
"i love you too, now stop crying before my mum gets here and thinks i did something," he said. I let out a small laugh. "actually, i think she's here now."

i was nervous to meet his mom. i don't think he's very close with her, or any of his family for that matter. i don't know what to expect.

she let herself right inside our apartment. guess we should've locked the door. no knocking? kind of weird.

"ah, mum, so nice to see you've let yourself in," matty said, turning to her.
"oh, don't be silly. you know you're still my son," she smiled and hugged him.

i cant explain it, but something seemed off already. she was dressed up nicely, but somehow still seemed a mess.

"oh, and you must be willow," she said, looking me up and down. "i'm denise, Matthew's mum." again, very weird.
"oh, hi, it's great to finally meet you," i smiled and extended my hand. she barely touched my hand with her gloves on, still.

it felt like a fake interaction. had she never heard of me from him till now? or maybe she's just like that? posh?

"well, i could say i would love to stay at visit for longer, but matthew, i actually need to speak with you," she gave me a darting look, insinuating i wasn't meant to be a part of said talk.

"uh, yeah, sure," matty said. "what is it?"
his mother gave me yet another weird look. i awkwardly decided to walk into the bedroom while they talked.

what is all of this about? this is starting to get weirder. first, she's overly posh and not friendly, now having a private talk in which i can't hear? what is going on?

a few minutes later, i decided to step out to see what was going on. it looked as if she was about to leave, though she hadn't been here for long at all. matty looked visibly upset.

"it was nice to meet you, whitney, was it?" she looked at me.
"willow," i corrected her with an awkward smile.
she walked over to matty and gave him a hug. "son, open your eyes. it's about time," she said to him. "goodbye, and merry christmas!" she said loudly as she let herself out.

"matty, what's going on?" i looked over at him, slumped over the couch with his head in his hands.

"my nana died while i was in rehab. no one told me." he said. "she said if i wasn't strung out, maybe my family would care about me more."

i felt a gut pain for him.  how fucking out of tune is his family with him? that's so fucked up. matty has has a hard year, but he's in the best place now.

i rushed over to hold him. my heart breaks as i struggled to find ways to comfort him.

"my mum won't be coming around anymore." he said, walking off to the home office. he closed the door behind him.

im sure he wants to be alone right now.

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hi everyone !
i keep reiterating this, but this is story is now in progress + being actively edited.
sorry for any confusion this may cause <3
thank you for 53k reads it means so much