daddy. // the 1975

thirty one // so far its alright

matty starts his classes today. i wanted to be there for moral support, but he had to handle this on his own.

i dropped him off, we had a solemn moment and that was it. i know this is going to be best for him.

i had earlier considered getting my own place in manchester, just to keep a healthy distance between us. but after further thought, we're gonna work it out. he's gone for 10 days, so luckily it's just me here for now. i can have the space, and time I need.

i still had to work to do, regardless of matty's state. i cleaned the apartment up, and livened it with some fresh flowers shortly before heading to London for my shoot.

if you look closely enough, there's still shards of glass from that dreadful night. maybe rehab is gonna do him some good.

+

"how have you been liking manchester?" alissa asked as we got ready for the shoot.
"it's been treating me well, but it's not as marvelous as i thought. it's pretty, but i still don't know my way around," i explained.
"better than being raised in brazil! i never liked it there," she shrugged.

today we were shooting with unif. i wore all kinds of weird outfits with colorful makeup. it was fun to be admired by the photographers.

i fancied having pictures taken of me. it was as if i saw myself differently. in catalogs, i wasn't just willow. i was actually something. i was admirable.

the money was also a huge perk. i cant lie.

"willow, you look amazing in all of these!" neil, the photographer, exclaimed. i blushed and nodded.

i walked over to the snack table and met with alissa, who was devouring hot wings.
"i don't think that's very model-like," i teased to her.
"mhm, i'm sure of it." i laughed at her. "so, what happened with you and matty?"

i explained the whole situation to her.

"oh, wow," she muttered, finishing her food. "and you're gonna stick with him? that's admirable."

"things seem to be getting better. we're together now, and he's going to rehab," i replied, "but i know i couldn't go through this again. he knows where i stand now. i can only handle so much."

"hopefully he'll learn," she coughed. "it's never easy loving someone with issues that extreme. it will make or break you, you just have to know when to make the call."

"i appreciate the advice, alissa, it means a lot," I said to her.
"always, willow," she smiled, "oh, by the way, there's a opening for a huge gig in paris. i forgot to mention it sooner, the job probably won't be open for long. i think you should give it a try," alissa said, and handed me a pamphlet.

cover modeling agency paris, france. the best of parisian fashion in the city that started it all. spend the seasons in contract modeling to begin in march, and last until august.

the thought made me somewhat nervous, and i almost wanted to completely dismiss it. 6 months in france?

"alissa, what exactly is this?" i softly asked her.

"it's a contingent job offer with cover, you'll go for 6 months. if they really like you, you could be offered a long term job with them. i mean, if you don't want a long term job, you could still finish the contract and come back once it's done," she said, "but, it also pays £500,000."

holy shit. £500,000? my modeling jobs have been paying good, but no where near that much. for 6 months of doing what i love, the idea doesn't sound so bad. i could be set for a long time with that.

"about how long do you think I have to decide?" i asked alissa.
"probably 2 weeks or less, but if you know you want it, jump onto it as soon as possible," she replied.

what about matty?
this is a lot to consider.

alissa was right. i have to still put myself first.

+

switching pov's again

matty's point of view

today i had my first day of anger management classes and rehab. i still thought it was all bullshit, but if i wanted willow, i had to agree to this.

i'd do anything for her. no one else would support me the way she has continuously. i really do love her more than anything. i know i should've said it sooner, but the way i felt for her scared me for some time. i thought my fling with ellie would get my mind right, but all it did was show me that willow is truly the one for me. i've never been one to fall in love, not until now.

i want willow now and forever.

i learned the same shit in rehab as i did last time. the same people were there as the last time i was. a few actually recognized me, not in a particularly good way, though. the therapists still didn't fancy me. a few even nudged each other when i came in. what? like i was that troublesome.

i guess you could say i have a bad rep.

"back so soon, healy?" i heard one of them say. i couldn't seem to remember her name.
"by default, im only here for my girl," i sighed, "she wanted me to do it."
"someone's holdin' you down now?" she scrunched her eyebrows at me. "it's about time. don't mess it up, healy."

"god, she's perfect, she's everything i've ever wanted."

+

the boys and i met up to do final touches on our new album. it was mostly done, we just wanted to proof it. we also had to design merch to promote it. we were shooting to release it all in roughly a month, hopefully touring to promote it as well.

the only upside to my rehab, is having the celebrity rehab gives extra perks. i can leave for work purposes, at any time.

"sorry i'm late," george said walking in. a shadow trailed behind him. i craned my neck to see liz coming in behind him.
"liz?" i asked.
"yeah, it's me," she said awkwardly. what was she doing here?
"willow isn't here," i said.
"i'm not here for willow," she muttered sitting down.
"she's here for me, matty. no need to get your panties in a twist," george chuckled.
"my regards, liz," i laughed back.

we designed multiple merch items. mostly shirts, with the exception of 2 hoodies. i came up with ideas for exclusive merch just for the shows.

we were shooting to release the album in early january, then tour in late spring or early summer. it would be our own tour. we wouldn't be an opening act. our first headlining tour, which was a big deal.

i wonder if willow would be willing to stick by my side for this one too. i owe her so much for everything. she's been my strength for almost 6 months now. i love her, but i haven't got to show her enough.

it was all up to me. if i wanted this, i had to keep clean.

+

i'm so so sorry if it's all scattery i'm rly trying

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