daddy. // the 1975

twenty six // when the sun goes down

a week later

after the last show, where matty was a wreck, i've hardly spoken to him. i've been staying in a hotel, or visiting wolf alice's tour bus.

we met up outside the venue and walked to a nearby pub. i forgot i was in the drinking age here.

"i think ill take a daiquiri," i said to the bartender. joel ordered a mimosa. seconds later, the bartender came back with both drinks. across the bar, i saw matty sitting with ellie and george. i tried to ignore it.

"willow?" joel asked.
"yeah? sorry, i must've spaced out," i attempted to smile.
"i asked, what has your attention?" he said.
"oh, um," i glared back over at matty, who had his arm draped over ellie, "it's nothing."

joel smirked up at me, "it doesn't seem like nothing. i think you need a distraction." he reached down and grabbed my hand.
"how could you do that?" i asked. he leaned over to my ear and whispered, "it's easy, just like this." joel pulled me closer to him, and he kissed me without warning. i went along and kissed him back.

i don't know how i feel about this. when he kissed me, i didn't feel anything. i didn't get that thrill that matty gives me.

i looked over at matty, who seemed jittery. he had to have saw that.
"i really like you, willow," joel grinned at me. i smiled back at him, "we should go out sometime."

"yeah, uh, maybe. i just need to sort myself out, you know," i struggled to find the words.

maybe this wasn't what i wanted, either.

"i hope i'm helping," he laughed, "things don't seem to well."
"i really appreciate everything," i replied.
he smirked, "why would you want that old man, anyways?" he joked.

i wanted that "old man" a lot more than he knew, a lot more than i even knew.

even more so, now.

+

i woke up next to joel, roughly 4 pm. the traveling plus the time difference has me mixed up. today, were in spain.

i got up and showered, then freshened up. out in the living room, i could hear ellie talking with joel. there seemed to be another person in there. i walked out there to see ellie leaned on matty.

"hey, willow," ellie smiled. i ignored her. her expression dropped.
"anyways, we're going out for a little bit," matty sighed. i felt a twinge of jealousy.

i don't like this anymore.

"matty boy and i are going to see a play," ellie said.

"oh, that'll be fun," joel replied. matty got up and walked towards the door. he turned back at ellie and said, "come on, princess."

okay. i was jealous. no matter what i did, i remained jealous. he called her princess. that was my nickname. he called ME princess.

"you okay there?" joel asked.
"sure," i shrugged.

maybe matty was happier without me. i came for matty, why am i still here?
maybe i should break the silence soon.

i still want him.

+

DRUG USE

i stood on the curb next to joel as i watched the others take turns snorting lines off the pavement.
"are you gonna try it?" joel asked me.
i shrugged, "why not?" joel smirked up at me and got a line ready for me. ross, adam, and george were sat beside him.

i leaned my head down and positioned the makeshift tube in my nose. i snorted and pulled my head back. i turned and saw matty's running towards me.

"what the fuck, willow!" he screamed. what the hell was his deal? he came over and dragged me away from everyone else. they all looked up, but no one stopped him.

"what the hell?" i said.
"what the fuck are you doing? how fucking stupid can you possibly be!" he shouted in my face, making me feel ashamed. "i told you no hard drugs, didn't i? i know what that shit does to people. you promised me, willow."

i furrowed my eyebrows and looked sternly at him.
"you promise me too, matty," i said, "but you left me. you dropped me. promises don't last."

"man, what was that?" joel said to matty as he walked by.
"shut the fuck up, amey. ill kick your ass and not think twice about it," matty gritted his teeth. joel shut up quickly and held onto me.

"i'm sorry about that," joel said to me.
"don't be sorry. some people are just assholes," i said, looking directly at matty.

by now, i made my choice. this wasn't going to work out. 'tour life' wasn't for me after all.

+

yikes

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ps!!! should i do a get to know me chapter ??? opinions pls