daddy. // the 1975

thirty // from the ritz to the rubble

i woke up to see matty sitting in a chair by the bed, looking down at me. my eyes widened and i gasped, "what are you doing, matty?"

im more shocked he was up before me.

"just thought i'd watch you sleep, since y'know, you just take such good care of me," he said sarcastically. "you're so beautiful."

he was romantic, even at his lowest.

i sighed and laughed, "whatever, matty."

"you could've just told me. it would've been better than lying to me," he said. i bit my lip. i did feel bad for lying. i wasn't one to lie. but how did he know? was it that obvious?
"i'm sorry," i whispered, "i didn't mean to upset you, it's over now. "

"answer this willow, what can that young man give you?" he questioned.
"what do you mean?" my heart pounded.

"tell me, willow, can he treat you the way i do? you don't want that young boy. he can't do you the way i can," he came over and sat beside me, "he isn't experienced, willow." he moved my hair behind my head to make eye contact with me.

"you're right," i said. matty was older, matty was more experienced. joel couldn't treat me like matty does.
"i know what little girls like you want, and it isn't joel," he whispered, sending chills up my spine.

"baby girl, he can't fuck you the way i do." 

+

the nurses allowed matty to go home today, but he does start his rehab and classes in a few days. for now, we have to get back into the groove of a somewhat normal life.

"let me know if things get bad," george told me as we left. i smiled and nodded at him.
"i will."

"matty, you can't afford to mess up again," jamie said to him. matty nodded.

he'd be losing a lot more than just his career, he'd be losing me and his closest friends. he would lose his livelihood. i'm here to help him of course, but i can't make his decisions for him. it's ultimately up to him to stay on the right path.

i got in the car next to matty. he hesitated before starting it up, he reached over and squeezed my hand.

"i know you don't fully trust me, i respect that, but thank you for trying again with me. i won't mess up. i promise." i nodded at him. i couldn't tell him it was okay, it was far from okay, still.

but i love him enough to stay.

+

"i kinda missed it here," matty said as he threw his bags down.
"me too," i smiled.
"i need to replace my dead roses," he laughed. the old matty was coming around.

"i haven't had the chance to clean the place, between tour and then you being down and out," i said, "i would've made it feel more like home if i had the chance."

"you being here makes it home, willow." he smiled at me.

"i'm gonna go settle my things into my room," i said. i considered the pastel-floral spare room my bedroom. maybe space is still good for now.
"come out here when you get a chance," matty called out from the living room. i checked my phone first.

one message from joel
did you really go back with the scumbag?

my hands ran over the keyboard, he's not a scumbag. leave me alone.

"coming," i shouted back, walking to where he was.
"i was thinking, how about I cook dinner and we enjoy a night in together?" he asked me. i couldn't help but to stare; he was cooking shirtless. my eyes were in heaven as i scanned his toned body. matty healy was a god. and I wanted every bit of him.