My Heart Is Yours

Chapter 52

He continued without any prompt from Maine, "I usually just keep to myself whenever I'm out. I would befriend the hotel staff and ask if I can borrow a guitar from any of them. For sure there would be at least one bell boy or cleaning crew who owns a guitar. When you've been to places over and over, the novelty wears off. It gets boring going to the same place over and over. So I just take the time to just read or play in my hotel room. Most of the time I actually just sleep too. As much as I want to bring my guitar everywhere I go, it's bulky and it would take up space that's intended for the passengers. So I make do with borrowing when I'm out of the country."

Maine listened to Richard as he told his story. And she was amazed how dedicated he was with his music.

"Have you ever considered making music as a profession?" She asked, quite intrigued.

"Honestly?" He replied with a short chuckle. "No. Music is really a great hobby for me. My stress reliever from all the things that I have to put up with on a daily basis. It also helped me when I was grieving. But I love flying. I've always wanted to be a pilot. There is something fascinating and magical about flying an airplane. My short stints at 'Gian Carlos' is something I do so that I can share my music. My thoughts and feelings all packaged in a song. I call it my catharsis."

"Do you get to play anywhere else?"

"Brazil," he answered. "I get to play with the street musicians there. I don't get to play my original compositions but playing with other people is fun too."

"I would love to see you play there too," she said.

"You will," he replied with a smile. "I know we have a schedule there for next month."

Maine just nodded as she tried to process everything. Richard strummed softly playing random music to pass the time. Finally, Maine took a deep breath and asked what had been on her mind since the start.

"Does Alden even know how to play the guitar?" She asked timidly.

Richard stopped playing and placed the guitar on the couch. He stood and approached her on the bed. He sat at the edge, and he reached out to take her hands, his thumbs drawing circles at the back of her palms. His head bowed as he looked at their hands together. He wished he would still be able to hold her like this. She heard him take a deep breath and let it out slowly. He finally looked up to stare at her eyes.

"He couldn't play," he replied with a sad smile. "He couldn't even sing. He tried to learn the piano once but he got bored. He never tried again."

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly once more before he went on, "I'm really sorry you have to find out this way. This wasn't how I wanted you to find out. I just couldn't figure out how to tell you."

"Why didn't you just tell me, RJ?" Maine asked. There wasn't any hint of blame in her voice, just outright curiosity.

"How could I, Maine?" He remarked. "It's really not something you can just spring out all of a sudden. Like, 'oh, by the way Maine. I was the one who's been singing to you all these years because my brother's tone deaf.'"

There was pain in his eyes as he continued, "how can I tell you, Maine? Can you tell me how I could have approached this without tarnishing the good memory you have of my brother? How can I tell you something so that you could have wrapped your head around it without feeling like you've been tricked and played at all these years?"

His tears began to fall that Maine reached out and wiped them with her hands. He took another deep breath as he went on, "we wanted to tell you everything. That summer when Rich was suppose to graduate. We had it all planned out. We were going to tell you, bring you into the fold with us. But he died and I couldn't come near you when you were conscious. I wanted so much to tell you everything, Maine. But I don't know how."

Maine's heart went out to Richard as he let out his frustrations. She reached around his neck and pulled him to her, giving him a warm embrace. Richard stiffened for a moment, surprised by the gesture. But eventually, he placed his arms around her waist and returned the embrace.

"I'm so sorry, Maine!" He said in between sobs. "I'm really sorry!"

She held him tighter, and Maine let him cry on her shoulder. She knew he needed it. And she cried with him. A feeling of regret for the lost time they would have shared together, if fate gave them a different road to take.

Richard needed to grieve. He had kept it in all these years that he really needed to let it all out. Maine cried with him as she needed to wash all the regret that she felt.

Her heart pounded on her chest. She felt that different kind of palpitations, like the flutter of wings. Alden's heart seemed happy, like that little piece of her was finally coming back home and he couldn't wait to step in the door.