My Living Nightmare - Tom Kaulitz

Getting High

Tom chuckled at his brothers comment "You really should stop getting shot, your bodies going to be all holey and scarred and gross" Bill said with a twist of his nose.

"Hey" Tom warned "My body will always be irresistible" He said, giving his brother a smile.

I stood uncomfortably beside the door to Tom's room, Tom looked over at me "You can get a bit closer you know, I'm not contagious" He said looking at me funny.

"I'm fine right here" I said, not looking him in the eyes.

I couldn't bring myself to look at him; now that all the drama was over and I was able to go over everything I realized he raped me. He stole me of my virginity, he violated me, and he thought I would be fine with that? Of course I wasn't, I couldn't look him in the eye, I felt uncomfortably sick when ever I was around him and just his voice made me quiver "So you're out today?" Bill asked.

"Tonight" Tom said "They wanted to keep me in for another week but I told them they can go get fucked, like I can trust these people, they'd probably drug me, then kill me, rid one bad soul from this world huh" Tom chuckled "They can't keep me here anyway"
Bill smirked "Of course not"

I sighed at there stupidity, I wanted to get out of here as soon as I could "I'm" The first word that came out of my mouth caused Tom to stare at me instantly causing me to freeze.
His eyes were so dark, so lethal "coffee" I said.

All I could say was 'coffee' for I was so frightened and overwhelmed. I turned and quickly walked out the door, banging into the frame on my way out.

"What's up with her?" Bill asked just as I was out of sight.

I walked slowly down the hall. I shook and held myself as flashes of Tom on top of me kept flashing in my mind. His pants, the way he moved himself on top of me, a part of me felt sick, a part of me felt broken, yet a part of me felt relieved. I know, that's the strangest way a person had ever explained how it made them feel, but secretly I've lusted for Tom for ages now, and my body seemed to finally be relieved that it got a piece of him. He always teased my body, randomly toying with it as he pleased but never actually acting on the teasing, so my body was craving him, screaming for his touch. His lethal touch, one moment he would be whispering into my ear, trickling his fingers down my skin and the next he would be shoving me against a wall trying to crack my head open, and hitting me, laughing at the pain he could cause. He was so random, there was a gentle Tom and then there was the evil Tom. Some might say I'm lucky, to have experienced gentle Tom, but I think not, I think I'm very un-lucky because its much more painful to watch the man you love yet fear love you, then see you as his pet the next. I took in a sharp breath, freezing in place "Did I just think that?"

My eyes were plastered open "Did I just think I love him?"

I squeezed my eyes closed quickly before shaking my head "Yeah right" I laughed "I hate that fucking man whore" I mumbled before going to walk again.

"Hey!" I heard Bill whine from behind me

I stopped and turned "Oh" I said disappointedly to myself.

"Ok, one; it's rude to ignore someone who's calling out for you, and two its weird to talk to yourself" Bill said with a hand on his hip in a disapproving way.

I gasped "You heard that?"

"No, I just saw your lips moving and a few little mumbles, but what you were talking about doesn't matter, its still classified as weird, jeez people would think your in the wrong kind of hospital if you know what I mean" Bill said looking around wearily as if afraid to be seen with the loony who speaks to herself.

"What do you want Bill?" I asked, crossing my arms in the process
.
"I wanted to talk to you about something" Bill said, absolutely serious now.

"And what's that?" I said, trying hard not to begin rocking back and fourth on my heels.

Bill looked around again and I was about to sigh with annoyance when he grabbed my arms and pulled me into a waiting room, kicking out a few people before closing the door "You can't do that!" I said in shock as he made some family exit the room.

"Yeah I can" He said as he had his back to me locking the door.

"Now" Bill began, taking a seat and motioning for me to sit beside him; I obliged "Tom wanted me to explain something to you"

My voice caught in my throat, the flashes were coming back again "H-He t-t-told you?" I spluttered.

"What?" Bill said, looking confused "Told me what?"

A huge weight just lifted from my shoulders "Nothing, it's nothing" I said, looking down at my lap.

Bill frowned "Ok, I don't know how to tell you this, I've never told anyone before, so I don't know how to describe it but Tom has a condition"

"He has a split personality almost, one moment he's normal Tom, then he's high Tom and then he's low Tom, before going back to normal Tom" Bill spoke casually, scaring me at how normal he looked while talking about something I didn't understand.

Bill turned to me fully "Did I lose you?"

"Uh, yeah at 'I'm going to start explaining his condition to you now part'" I said, trying not to laugh for I was so lost.

Bill chuckled "Ok, Tom has anger problems, at random he will have a high, a high is when he snaps, he goes crazy, he turns pure evil, he usually takes off in his car when this happens and we don't know what he got up to till we see the headlines on the news the next morning, 20 people killed in a street brawl, or two young women found dead this morning in a ditch, the worst gets the best of him. Now we don't know how he snaps, he just changes all of a sudden; there is no trigger to it. Now it usually takes Tom 5 hours, sometimes more till he has his low, when he has his low, he's freakishly nice, no one but me has seen him this way cause he always manages to get himself home before he hits it, he never wants to be seen on his low, it takes about 20 minutes for him to go back to normal.

"Now I don't know why Tom wanted me to tell you this, but he was very serious about you knowing, so I think you should seriously consider being a bit more...easy for him, don't be so difficult all the time"

I was stunned, really it made a lot of sense, I had seen him high, he killed Yumi, he raped me, he had a different look in his eyes when that happened. And that time, after he was injured in hospital and came after me, he was so kind and gentle with me, he treated me like he cared for me, but that still didn't give him a chance, it still didn't make everything alright.

"Don't tell me how to behave, I am not a child" I said to Bill, staring at the floor.

Bill was quiet for a moment "Stop acting like one then!" He snapped "Tom has done a hell of a lot for you, and you throw it all back in his face"

My fists were clenched and I got up to my feet instantly, turning to him in rage "Tom has done stuff for me?" I yelled, enraged by his words "Tom has done nothing, but ruin my life!" I screamed at him "He's beaten me around, threatened to kill me more times than you could imagine and come close to it to. He's put me through so much, he rap-" I cut short, immediately going quiet at what was about to leave my mouth.

Bill looked shocked almost, his lips were slightly parted as his dark eyes stared up at me, reminding me of Tom's, just his eyes were softer "I wish he'd killed me the first time he met me, I would of preferred to die young, than have to live the rest of my life with him!" I spat before going for the door, cursing myself for letting myself actually forgive Tom a little.