..
After a nice half hour shower, I thoughtfully processed all that happened this morning. Harry and I were so close to kissing and he wasn't even pulling back. Did he want to kiss me? I'm so exhausted, more emotionally than physically. Liam texted me he'd be here soon, and honestly I dread facing him. I dragged him into this mess, and he doesn't deserve it. As much as I'd like to bring myself to like him, I can't. He's extremely handsome, and a real good kisser from what I remember, but I just don't like him. My heart belongs to Harry and only Harry.
I dry my hair and leave it at that. I have no energy to do anything to it. I simply throw on black jeans and a tshirt. Drinking wore me out. I get a text from Liam that's he's outside and I reply
"alright, I'll open the door in a minute." I have no clue as to what I'll say to him, I'm honestly so embarrassed for what I did. I wouldn't be surprised if he's here to tell me off... No, he's too sweet for that, even though I deserve it.
I make my way to the front door, and there he is, leaning on his car with his arms folded. He looks handsome as always, I wonder if he too had a killer hangover. When he notices my presence he smiles and walks towards me.
"Afternoon Y/N." He says quietly, almost too quiet.
"Hi Liam," I reply. I want to hug him, but I don't know if I should. I go against all odds and embrace him in a hug. A hug that he and I both need. He's responsive to my hug and wraps his arms around my waist.
"How was your morning love?" He asks as we pull apart.
"Extreme, wild, excruciating, you can imagine." I half laugh. I don't think he knows that Harry stayed over, and I'd rather keep it that way. I've had enough drama for the day or week I should say, possibly for the rest of my life.
"Mine was too. I woke up at Niall's place. It was a bit weird." I want to bring up the kiss, but I don't know if the time is right. We're still standing on my porch, and I'd rather stand here than in there because I need this fresh air.
"I see Harry brought your car. Who drove him to his place?" I ask inquisitively. I assume Niall did, there's no way Harry would ride in the car with Liam after what happened.
"I did." He says simply. I can't imagine how weird that must've been.
"Oh, yeah." I say biting my lip. I can tell my nervous habit is back. I need to address this before it gets any worse.
"Can," We both say at the same time. "You first." He tells me. I motion him over to one of the chairs I have sitting on the porch.
"Liam, we need to talk about what happened yesterday. You know... Um the kiss." I clear my throat as I say the last word.
"What about it?" He shrugs. I am literally scrambling words in my head to find the right thing to say.
"You know it wasn't supposed to happen, right?" I'm feeling a bit queazy. I feel like I'm going to pass out all over again.
"I know, but I don't regret it. Y/N, that kiss was everything to me, don't you get it?" I shift a little on the seat and let out a breath of air.
"I loved having your lips on mine, that was one of the most beautiful moments of my life. I'm tired of hiding my feelings from you, Y/N I love you. I don't know how it came to be, but you stole my heart. I love you and it kills me to see how much you love Harry because he doesn't realize it. Kind of like how you didn't realize mine for you.." I can't hear any more of this, have I really done this much damage?
His words are pure and sincere and, ugh I just.. I don't know what to do anymore. I didn't think he would love me.
"Liam, you know I care about you, I value our friendship so much. You're an amazing guy who means a lot to me, but.." He cuts me off, giving me an apologetic smile.
"But you love Harry, I know. I'd tell you that you don't know how it feels to see the person you love, love someone else, but we're on the same boat." I can see the heart ache in his eyes and face. Why did this have to happen? Liam doesn't deserve this, he doesn't.
"I never wanted to fall for Harry, but seeing someone that was technically yours become someone else's, it's a different story." I say truthfully.
"Can I be completely honest with you?" Looking at him, I nod signaling for him to continue. "The reason I fell for you was because of how carefree you are. You're this beautiful girl who puts other people first. You'd rather see others happy than yourself and that takes true courage. I love how you pout when things don't go your way, your laugh when someone says something funny, oh and also how you laugh when something isn't funny at all. That radiant glow that you have, it's not hard to fall for. You don't know how bad I got it for you, I'd do anything for you to be mine, but I know better.." His voice cracks at the end and I have to bite my lip to stop the tears from falling from my eyes.
"What do you mean?" I say looking at him carefully. He takes both of my hands in his and plants small kisses on both of them. His touch is gentle against my skin. I can tell he's fighting back tears and so am I. I never realized how much Liam was hurting, either as bad or worse than me.
"I mean that.." He clears his throat, "I mean that... I guess if I love you, I should let you go." I break and suddenly I'm full on sobbing. I have never had anyone express themselves over me like that. He gives my palms a few more kisses before putting them down and getting up. He kisses my forehead, and I hear him sniffling. I stay seated on my seat as he walks away. I can't stop the tears from falling. He doesn't look back as I watch him go. I can't let things end like this, no.
I quickly get up from my seat, "LIAM" I yell. He turns around wiping tears from his eyes. My feet move towards him and I open my arms, engulfing him in a hug. I hold on tightly, as tight as I can as I full on sob on his chest.
"Hey, hey don't cry. You're too beautiful to have tears on your cheeks. Though I love the way your cheeks are rosy." I look up at him and half smile. I couldn't bare to lose him, not as my friend.
"Please don't stop being the friend I need. I don't want to lose you, I couldn't." I plea.
"Are you mad? I'd be an idiot to lose my friendship with you." My tears subside, and I can breathe normally again. It seems as if crying is all I've been doing this whole week. "I have to go now, I have to go to the studio today. I'll text you in between, okay?" I nod, wiping my nose with my wrist. So unlady like.
With one last nod, he climbs into his car. As I watch him drive away, my phone vibrates, it's Harry.
"Harry?" I say into the speaker.
"I promised I'd make it up to you, didn't I? I'm not too far from your house. Be ready."
"But-,"
"Do as I say, please." He hangs up leaving me without another word. I'm not even dressed appropriately, can't I catch a break, just once?..
