Crush, No, Crushed

Chapter 40 part 1

 Jerry said that Les had gotten Pneumocystis Pneumonia, which isn’t life threatening to people with healthy immune systems, but it can be deadly for victims of HIV and AIDS.

            The only thing I could think to ask was how Les was infected.  Jerry went into great detail-most likely to make me feel better but all it did was make me feel worse- about how most scientists think that it’s spread through the air but they don’t know where it lives. The germ is very common and treatable though not preventable.

            That’s what upset me the most; not only did I cause it but if he had gone to the hospital earlier they would have been able to cure him. The possibility that he could still be alive if not for me was killing me inside. I had two chances: not keeping him out in the rain and making him go to the hospital when he got sick. I knew about his condition and that getting sick would do more harm to him than other people. I should have forced him to go get checked. It’s always better to be safe than sorry. And right now I’m so sorry that I would give anything to go back in time and do everything I could to make sure he would never get sick again.

            There was a soft knock at the door and then the squeak of the door hinge as it was opened gradually. Forcing myself out of my depressing reverie I looked up to the door with a stoic expression to see Renee dressed in a similar black dress though she looked exponentially prettier than I did. She paired the dress with black, strapless heels and she went through the trouble of applying makeup and curling her hair unlike me.

            Glancing back down to my hands I briefly considered adding eye shadow and lip gloss but quickly dispelled it. I would most likely be rubbing my eyes and I didn’t want my face to resemble a three year-olds drawing creation.

            “It’s time to go.” Renee said gently from the door when I didn’t acknowledge her presence.

            I nodded once but made no move to get up. Time could have stopped for all I cared. Once again I was lost in thoughts of everything and nothing. At the front of my mind I was keeping my mind blank, forcing it to not think of Les or the funeral but the back my mind was reeling. Who would have thought that they would be attending their best friend’s funeral before they turned eighteen? Not me.

            Taking a deep breath Renee came to sit next to me and put her arm around me. Instinctually, I rested my head on her shoulder, snuggling into her. She immediately wrapped another arm around me squeezing me tightly to her.

            “It’s going to be okay. You have me, dad, and your friends. They will be there. You’re not alone with this.  We are here for you Ruthy.” Renee consoled earnestly.   

            “I know.” I answered weakly.

            “All right then. Come on and get up. We’ve got to go.” She stood up pulling me with her.

            “Ready to go girls?” Dad asked us as we entered the kitchen.

            Renee nodded grabbing a hold of my hand. We exited the house silently and made our way to dad’s car. My heart clenched tightly in my chest as I passed Les’ truck which was parked in our driveway. When I left the hospital a few days ago with Renee I remembered that I drove his truck there and Nate offered to drive it back for me. For some strange reason, I told him to drop it off at my house. I didn’t know why I didn’t just tell Nate to bring it to Les’ house but the thought of Les never driving it again tore at me.