Crush, No, Crushed

Chapter 40 part 1

            Patting my hand he whispered, “I know.”

            Nodding and forcing tears back I acknowledged his words because out of everyone, he was the one that understood the most. His wife had passed away and although they were different loves, they were lost loves nonetheless.

            It took me a minute to swallow the lump in my throat but once I did, I started to eat the eggs in front of me. Not being that hungry though, after a few small bites and moving the food around on the plate I threw the rest away and went back upstairs until it was time to leave.

            Since leaving the hospital a few days ago I hadn’t left my room too much. Renee would come in to check on me frequently but I ignored her most of the time because all she would do was try to get me to talk about Les and I didn’t want to think about him let alone talk about him aloud. My dad and Bethany would check on me every once and while too but not as much. They understood that while I couldn’t cut myself off from the world, that I needed to be alone to process everything and have time to grieve.

            Then there was Nate and Nicole. Nicole’s injuries were on the mend but she was getting around on crutches and kept getting minor headaches which prevented her from coming over. Nate would come to see me when he could and if he couldn’t he and Nicole would call to make sure I was doing okay. Thankfully they never brought up Les, instead they would talk about how their dad was doing and that their mom had returned home from Boston. While their dad was recovering and was returning to the mental hospital in a few days, their mom was still as heartless as ever, refusing to see him. To add to that, she angry at Nicole for getting into an accident just to see him.

            Even Gary and Brad came to see me once. When they did though, I could barely stand to look at them. Their presence reminded me too much of Les. The only time I hung out with them was with him. Not only that but their sad and hollow faces were a constant reminder of who we all lost. Les was really the common denominator between us all. Though I got along and like Gary, the only reason we were friends was that he was Les’ friend. I never liked Brad and all we did was bicker with each other but I did consider him my friend too and it humbled me a little that he came to see me bearing yellow roses. Saying that, the situation was tense and awkward and while I appreciated that they wanted to make sure I was okay, the weirdness of them being in my house combined with the sorrow surrounding everyone made the visit a short one.

            Sitting on my bed I stared across the room at my desk which had the camera that Bethany gave to me. I was still debating whether or not I should develop the pictures. They were of Les and I during our trip and most of the film was probably of him. I was afraid though. I wanted to see them to reminisce in the memories that felt like a lifetime ago but in reality were only a week. It felt weird. That only a week earlier Les and I had been having the time of our lives. We had been enjoying our time together in our own little world. One week ago everything had been almost perfect between us. One week ago we had shared our first and only kiss. A kiss that had changed not only our friendship but caused his death.

            Maybe that was why I was afraid to look at the pictures. The guilt of what happened was weighing down on me, causing me to fear thinking about anything that had to do with Les. When I talked to Jerry the day after Les died he told me the cause of his death. He tried to explain to me what happened. At first I was so confused and didn’t understand but now I know how much one little action could cause a huge, life-altering reaction.