YOᑌ ᗩGᗩIᑎ

Chapter 34.

Camila Cabello.

Lauren didn't get married. I should be happy, right? I should feel like the queen of the world because I finally had her with me? I finally had Lauren all to myself and she could always be mine. I wasn't happy one bit. I was devastated because I let her go again. But this time, I did the right thing. Lauren could never be mine unless she values me. She literally told Reyna she couldn't marry her right in front of hundred people. How would she respect me if she couldn't respect her best friend? But most importantly, I was always her second choice. She kept me behind the closed doors and never openly claimed her love for me. Well, except for that one time when she vandalized my car and how she took me to New York.

But that didn't mean I was not in love with her. Lauren was my living, breathing, moving and existing anchor which I couldn't let go of no matter what. I was heartbroken, yes, but I couldn't cry anymore. Specially not when I was the one who let her go while she begged me not to do it. I have concluded one thing, though; Lauren and I were not meant for each other no matter how much I wanted us to be. We always crossed paths to teach one another a lesson. The more I thought about Lauren, the more difficult it became for me to move on. I could move on from her, right?

My friends were the upmost support. Ever since I ‘dumped’ Lauren five months ago, everyone understood what my situation was and why I did what I did. No one judged me and no one questioned my decisions. I had a talk with Megan too, she said that I did the right thing by asking for space but dumping Lauren altogether wasn't needed. I needed Lauren in my life but we couldn't be just friends. I knew if I had to keep Lauren away, cutting her off completely was the only option.

Austin was there for me as well. Dinah told me how he convinced Lauren to stop the marriage and how he was there for her through everything on the wedding day. I was glad he was making peace with the girl I loved but then again, he reminded me about the huge mistake I was making. He told me not to let Lauren go. It wasn't his choice to make. I knew what I had to do. And right this time, Allison was my only priority who literally asked Dinah some months ago if I still loved her or not. I was a terrible mother.

Reyna on the other hand didn't hate me. Just like she promised she wouldn't. The air hostess knew about me and Lauren before I confronted her about it. Turned out she noticed Lauren and I on our little hiking trip before Christmas. I could even say that Reyna was the biggest support. The blonde haired girl moved back to New York with her family since she had no reason to live here anymore. She also knew how I let Lauren go and she wasn't mad. But before she left, she surely sent me an e-mail, telling me to value myself. I was sobbing because I loved Reyna so much. And the email which broke my heart over and over again was something like:

“To my loveliest, Mila!

You are a queen. And you don't need someone to make you realise that. The people are fuckers anyway. Literally. Period.

Remember the last time you truly loved yourself? No, bitch, loving yourself because your goddamn love of your life called you gorgeous, doesn't count here. When did you love yourself just for the sake of love, or hug yourself out of happiness and contentment, or explore the adventurous, kickass woman inside you? You don't remember, right? Probably because you were busy weaving glittery dreams under starry skies with, of course, that loser Lauren; or maybe you were too occupied in giving your already- impeccable hairstyle a final touch, for the zillionth time, before going on a date with her; or you were plainly lost in the thoughts of your anniversaries, marriage, *that white gown and walking down the aisle and kissing her *, world tour on a cruise, kids, romantic walks and what not!

PAUSE! I said pause! Will you let go of all this shit, for a while at least, and live, just for yourself? Will you let your hair down, break into a jig, let out a really loud laugh, cry your heart out, ink your thoughts, chase your dreams, get drunk and be sober all by yourself, sing your favourite song and not think once of her, play around, go shopping that chic LBD, or maybe just lie on the couch and do nothing, all for yourself?