YOᑌ ᗩGᗩIᑎ

Chapter 14.

Lauren Jauregui.

“Oh my God! Lauren...you're back!”

Yes. I was back. Back at stage one. Back at the early mess that I made ten years ago. Back at every feelings that I felt over and over again. Back at all the emotions which I bottled up inside of me. Back at this place again. Stage one of everything. I thought I moved on, you know? I thought I was far away from feeling anything about the girl who stole my heart for the first time but everything resurfaced the minute I saw her. It felt like I was nineteen again.

Camila was always gorgeous, I'll give her that but now that she was grown up and extremely beautiful with mature mind and sensuality, I couldn't contain myself around her anymore. Not even Reyna seemed to help me with it. I loved Reyna, I really did. I could also say that I was in love with her at one point. But that was when Camila didn't show up and fuck everything up for me. She ruined me just like she did all those years ago.

You know what they say about weakness? They say that whatever you love is your biggest weakness and Camila knew that she was mine. I always treated her like the queen she was. I put her needs before mine and did whatever she asked of me even if I never wanted to and that what got us apart. I will always regret the day when I didn't drag her along with me here all those years ago. If I had I wouldn't be sitting here right now.

I was confused. I was in a constant battle between brain and heart. My brain wanted me to move on from the girl who belonged to someone else. Move on from the girl who had my heart but my heart wanted to be selfish. It wanted to take the girl for myself and hide her from the rest of the world. I could give Camila everything she would ever need but I couldn't give her one thing, a family. Because she already had one and I was already in between it.

No matter how much I tried to stay away from Camila for the sake of her family, her beautiful baby girl, I couldn't. I hated her husband. Not because he injured me or kicked my ass but because he get to call her his. He had what I wanted the most in life and I couldn't do anything else to seize the pain other than pretend that it doesn't bother me. It does bother me. I was slowly losing my mind once again. I was nineteen again.

Reyna was the upmost support. Just like always she understood me and my story. When Camila told her that she loved me, Reyna wasn't surprised because she already knew. I already told her everything that happened between Camila and I. Just like I expected, she didn't leave me and it was the greatness of her heart that she didn't otherwise I probably would have been dead by now. The whole month when Camila didn't talk to me, I drank a lot. I drank upto this extent where I passed out almost all the time and the next day I repeated the same thing until Reyna took some actions. She also tried to convince me to talk to Camila but my own guilt stopped me from it.

I was guilty of leaving her all those years ago. I fucking hate myself everyday for it.

And now that I was ‘dumped’, I felt even more pathetic. The chances that I thought I had with Camila were finally over. She didn't want me. She might be in love with me but that didn't mean that she wanted me. She had a family and they loved and respected her. I also tried to come into terms with how Austin would be the best for her. The young lawyer would probably give her a better life than a crappy artist like me would. I didn't even know what I was doing.

But for now, I knew why I was here. Why I was sitting with my psychologist, the person who knew about each and everything.

“Yup, Ally...I'm back!”

Allyson Brooke. The young psychologist who saw right through me when I first walked through her door nine years ago. I didn't even have to tell her my problem before she guessed it for me and ever since then, I asked for advices and everything else to do. Ally helped me the first time, she helped me move on even though I didn't really move on. I just owe her everything I had right now.