YOᑌ ᗩGᗩIᑎ

Chapter 29.

Do you know what it is like to lose someone you love too much? Do you even know what it feels like? It's like hundred million shards of glass are piercing through your very soul. Like you're a stranger to your own life. Like your heart was living poetry but you ran out of ink. Maybe this is what loss is really like, you know? A smile so fake that it's always drawn on your face. Eyes dead, and mind blank. Four functioning limbs and a hollow space between your ribs. That was the heartbreak I was going through. I was just existing. Nothing about me was alive anymore and if death was that easy, I would have died the second Lauren told me she was getting married so soon.

My expectations, dreams, fantasies and wishes, all were broken. And I wasn't shrugging it off because they didn't break easily. It was like my expectations were a glass bottle, someone picked it up and smashed it on the wall. Did you imagine how it must have felt like? It was million times worse. For every three steps I take forward every time, life pushes me ten steps behind. How would I go on if my life was on the wrong track? What if my fate was full of flaws and I will die one day, crying, because that was all I did. I cried.

“I see!”

Letting those two small words out was the most difficult thing I ever did. My heart was beating out of my chest so fast but this time, the spinning of my head took over everything. And Lauren didn't even flinch for a second. It felt like she knew how my reaction would be. It wasn't like I hadn't known about the wedding. I knew it all along because of the way everyone behaved but now that I officially got an answer, let's just say that it hurts hundred times more coming out of her mouth than from my own assumptions.

I weakly smiled, “You made your choice then,”

Lauren wanted to say something. A lot of things, I could tell. But she held each and every one of them back and decided to continue the small talk, “Camila, you knew about this all along. You know why I am marrying her. You know I can't hurt her!”

I laughed, “So you claimed your love to me and you can hurt me but not her? This is some fucked up shit, Lauren Jauregui.”

Silence took over once again. Neither of us knew what we were talking about or why we were getting in scary silence after every once in a while. As if my prayers were answered, Megan came out of the room. She looked stunning. Dolled up Megan was a beautiful sight to see. But then I realized she was heading out.

“Daniel is taking me out. I'll be back home later!”

Upon hearing this Lauren quickly turned around and raised an eyebrow at her, “You have to leave now?”

Lauren was nervous around me too. I could tell. She was actually scared to be around me alone and I couldn't deny how I felt the same. Lauren and I always ended up naked after the arguments and it was not a new thing. It was a ten years old thing and she knew. Megan nodded her head and checked the time on her iPhone.

“I waited for you to come back home. His friend is throwing a promotion party at this new club downtown and Daniel asked me to accompany him.”

Accepting her defeat, Lauren nodded. “Alright! Have fun. And please if you have sex, use protection. I am genuinely begging you,”

Megan smirked, “I could say the same thing to you but I guess neither of you have the material. But make sure to change the sheets and no sex on the couch. I am—”

“Goodbye Megan!” Lauren and I said at the same time and our eyes met momentarily.

Megan knew she embarrassed the both of us and so she laughed out loud and bid us farewell. As soon as Lauren and I heard the front door shutting, we both faced each other again. Her pale face was red with the blush but I could tell mine would be probably worse. Lauren scratched her forehead while looking at the floor. I noticed her nail paint and how gorgeous her hands looked but I guess I lost all the privileges to think about her that way or compliment her of any sort.