Secrets In Silence ✓ [Secrets Book 1]

[Chapter Seven] Addison

I curled up to him and he turned his little head and licked right up my face making me smile. Well I know one little guy who will always love me at least.

I closed my eyes and cuddled against him and he adjusted to make himself more comfortable and within minutes he was out and I fell asleep to the sound of his cute little snores. They weren't the annoying kind; they were the ones that were barley there and just a little louder than breathing. And the sounds of him sleeping peacefully led me into a not peaceful sleep, but I didn't wake up screaming this time.

The next day I got up and took Keisha outside before heading straight back up to my room, I didn't look at anyone, didn't acknowledge when Aunt Lalan spoke asking if I wanted breakfast, I just went to my room and shut the door before sitting on my bed.

I didn't want to see anyone, I just wanted to be alone, and I hoped that Liam wouldn't come up here, because he was the last person I wanted to see. He was getting entirely too close to me in just a few days, and it freaked me out.

Nothing good comes out of people being close to you emotionally. I mean every single person I trusted has hurt me, and sadly, I don't know what would happen to me if it happened again. I don't think I could bare it.

Suicide is selfish, but If I had to go through anymore of what my family put me through again, I wouldn't be able to keep going. I felt empty inside.

You know you're empty when you can't cry anymore. When you've gone through so much that you can't bare to go another day, when you can no longer see the promise of a brighter day, when you've cried so much that you're starting to go numb to everything.

You know that you're empty when you can't feel love, happiness, joy. And I'm starting to get there. Though the times with Liam have brought some light to my life, my family down here has as well, it's very dim and I don't know it if will ever get brighter.

I feel like I'll be stuck in the darkness forever, that nothing will ever be able to being me out. I'm chained to it and held here. No matter how hard I fight against those restraints, no matter how hard anyone will pull, it has me held prisoner to it. Slowly driving me to darker and darker thoughts and removing my ability to remember what the light felt like.

And I'll be damned if I bring anyone into my misery. No one needs to know what it feels like, and I won't ever let anyone be the cause of my darker actions. So I need to keep them all away and just enjoy the time here without yelling and screaming and those people. Because these few months may just be the last ones I have left.

I don't know what's going to happen when I get back home, but the sad truth is that if I don't end up ending it myself, I'm sure someone will end up doing it for me.

I curled up in bed with those thoughts and let them wonder. They became dark and twisted as I thought of all the ways there are to commit suicide.

I could take a gun and shoot myself and that would be quick. But do I want it to be that violent and quick?

If I slit my wrists I would bleed out and slowly feel the life draining from my body before I passed out and never woke up. Would that give me more satisfaction?

If I jumped from something really high, would that give me a better last view before I never saw anything again?

I wouldn't want to hang myself, that idea just doesn't seem pleasant and way too painful. Same with drowning, that would be just horrific and not peaceful at all.

The darkness was pulling me in slowly, trying to make me its next victim, and my willpower to fight it was cracking. I didn't want to fight anymore, I wanted to give in.