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[Chapter Seven] Addison

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Beyond the edge of the world there's a space where emptiness and substance neatly overlap, where past and future form a continuous, endless loop. And, hovering about, there are signs no one has ever read, chords no one has ever heard.

                                                               ― Haruki Murakami

Chapter Seven- Addison

Yesterday was great. I've only been here a few days and am overwhelmed with the genuine kindness I've been receiving from not only my family but from Liam and his as well. I'm not used to this, and maybe just maybe this is how a family is supposed to be, in a normal life. overwhelmed

I sat out in the field and it was more than beautiful, we just lay around and he didn't push me to talk to him, which is why I love spending time with Liam. He just waits in the background, and he's there if I want to talk and if I don't then he understands and changes the subject or just lets me be.

He's great at knowing when I need space and doesn't seem to bothered by the silence. I see him turn to say something to me sometimes but would always just give a small smile and respect the quiet around us.

I fell asleep and he woke me to head back. I was just admiring the beauty around me again and it was actually a great day, like the day at the pond.

But like that day it was great until I got up to my room and I felt that emptiness and pain that had been there for what felt like forever now.

I feel like they still keep squeezing my heart, even from thousands of miles away, willing me to just die already so I won't be a bother. I felt an aching in my chest as I lay down on my bed. I willed them not to come but once the tears started, they just wouldn't stop.

I curled up into the familiar position; a ball trying to make myself as small as possible while I buried my face in the pillow and sobbed.

I was crying for everything that had gone wrong in my life in the past two years. I was crying for parents who never cared about me. I was crying out of jealousy for the family down here who would do anything to protect one another, not throw them into this.

I hated my life and I was tired of fighting. I was tired of pretending. They all knew I wasn't all here right now, they knew something was wrong, but they didn't know just how bad it was. If they thought what they have seen so far was bad then they don't know anything, which I don't blame them for. I don't want them to know.

This is my problem to deal with and if I told them the truth, they wouldn't look at me the same, and they wouldn't care for me like they did. If they knew the truth it would ruin everything and they would send me back there.

I didn't want to come here to begin with, I really didn't. Not now that I'm here I don't want to leave. I want to stay as long as I can, and I made the decision to do everything possible to keep them away from me. Well granted physically they were, but the looks on their faces said they wanted to pry into my life, and I couldn't let that happen.

I crawled out of bed and took a hot shower and put on my shorts and tank and crawling into bed but it felt so lonely, more so than it has the past few days. After about a half hour of tossing and turning I snuck downstairs, careful not to wake anyone, and went out to get Keisha.

I was quickly becoming attached to the little fur ball and I'm pretty sure he was feeling the same based on the fact that he just curled up into me and let me snuggle with him looking perfectly content.

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