YOᑌ ᗩGᗩIᑎ

Chapter 32.

I love you. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I should have told you this over and over again but I just couldn’t bring myself to it. But you deserve to know after all that you’ve done for me. I’m sorry I lied about not caring anymore. I shouldn’t have. I know there’s no use of this now. It’s too late. I wish I’d done it earlier. I know there’s a ninety-nine prevent chance that we’re probably going to stop talking but even if it takes this one percent chance to be with you, I’m taking it. I hope it’s a happy ending.

But I know it's not so I am going to live according to that.

This is not about you. I pretend I do not remember the way you used to button your shirt starting from the bottom or how you used to sing along to Paramore songs, better than I ever could. You used to pronounce my name so perfectly, and somehow it sounded better on your lips, like it was meant to reside just there. You said my name wasn't difficult at all and it's funny how some people still hasn't got it right. You used to rant about your friends never getting your jokes or how that one poem is so beautiful that you just can't seem to get it out of your mind. I never asked you about that poem. I wish I had.

But this is not about you. Or the fact that you always spelled ‘Seizure’ wrong. Or the floating lantern we failed to ignite on your 18th birthday. Or the way you had chuckled so hard that you almost spilled your drink on me. And I used to think I was clumsy. You accepted the tar in my body just like you accepted my habit of running my fingers over dust covered objects.

I sometimes wonder if you had gotten so used to my presence around you that my absence actually felt nice. Like cool breeze after days spent locked in a tiny room. You had a habit of falling for pretty things, finding beauty in every nook, every corner. I bet you still do, wherever you are. And even though I could never say it to your face, I swear I felt so jealous of every single thing you ever called pretty. But I swear, I swear this is not about you. I might not know where you are right now. I have no means of finding out which book you're reading these days, or if blue is still your favorite color.

But I think I am doing just fine being the girl your love was never enough for. And I hope you're okay with being the girl this is not about.

I'll always be in love with you. Madly!

Don't forget me!

Your love-struck, Camz.”

Not knowing what to do anymore, I sat there on my seat and re-read the whole thing again. What the fuck was I doing? Why was I marrying Reyna when I was in love with Camila? Why I was trying to ruin both of their lives? What did they ever do to me to deserve that? I saved the email in my laptop and ran a hand through my hair. Camila poured her heart out to me for the last time and I wanted to cry but the tears wouldn't fall from my eyes.

I decided that it was better to leave. Staying alone in a room would consume me more so I decided to go out and hang with my friends instead. At least they would help me get my mind off things. Off Camila. As I went downstairs, I saw Dinah pacing around the room back and forth with a see through mirror in her hand. The closer I got, the better I saw the lipstick stains on that glass and I frowned.

“What are those? Did someone kiss this glass?” I asked as everyone turned to look at me.

“Yeah, it's Reyna's. Now you're going to do the same. Here, apply this red lip color.” Dinah said as she handed me over the lipstick.

I looked at her weirdly because honestly I had no idea what the hell they were doing. But I applied the red lipstick no matter what. “What is this for anyway?”