You Used To Be Useful (OHSHC)

It Starts Over

"Welcome to my humble home." I heard Mamoru chuckled. I hurried up and changed myself into a black rose tank top and navy blue jeans. I'll stick with the simple for today, this is the Host Club after all. I ran out the door only to be greeted by our Butler.

"Miss Ayaka I'm glad you finally got to bring some friends over." He smiled. A real smile, an actual smile ever since that day. I wiped my eyes before any tears could sneak out.

I don't think I ever described the Butler. He has blonde hair and blue eyes he was around his 20's I think. So he still has his good looks, heh. Back then, I would treat him as my older brother. He's been serving us ever since his teenage years. Surprising isn't it?

"Ayaka, please come out. Your family is worried sick about you. As well am I. Although I may not look the part, I am more than just a measly Butler. I am also your protector and... and your like my little sister that I never had. Please come out." Ichiya said knocking on my door.

"You've got some nerves knocking on my door Ichiya." I remember locking myself in my room and crying nonstop. I remember him knocking on my door asking for me to come out every week. It was against the rules to show any emotions towards your master and his family. So we would do anything fun in secret. I remember him calling me 'little flower' each time he smiles. I remember chuckling the last day he ever cared for me. "Please leave me alone Butler. I'm not coming out. I don't care for anything including you. Your nothing but a Butler and that's all you'll ever be."

Tears ran down my face and I buried it into Ichiya's tailcoat as I embraced him. I guess I was being too harsh on him. Actually I was too harsh on everyone, what's gotten into me? Ever since we moved here everything is so different.

"I'm sorry for being so mean to you Ichiya! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it. I was just being a jerk for no reason. I'm sorry!" I apologized repeatedly as I hugged him tighter. His eyes widened and he hugged back and gave me his warm smile.

"I'm glad your back." Ichiya smiled.

"Don't expect to much from me okay? Don't tell anyone this happened either." I calmed down and I felt like a piece of that stern wall I took forever to build broke down. I kind of felt relieved.

"I don't expect anything less from you, my little flower." A smile appeared across my face and I don't try to force it away. I released the hug after a couple of minutes. Such a long hug in silence, kind of creepy.

"You should hurry. Your friends are waiting for you." Ichiya said.

"Okay, thanks 'Butler'." I winked. He shook his head and gently pushed me away. I walked downstairs and stop midway as I watched what they were doing from the stairs.

Seems like they're talking about something, but why isn't mom and father there? They're just standing there and... arguing?

"Quit trying you stupid Host Club. You're nothing but a nuisance to her." Mamoru glared at them. What's going on? He was acting so nice outside.

"No, we're trying to help Ayaka! There is no way we're stopping now." Tamaki yelled. What are they trying to help me with?

"Tamaki, you need to understand. You'll never break through that wall. We tried, we did absolutely anything that came to mind." Taro crossed his arms. What? So they did tell them about my past. I quietly walked downstairs.

"It doesn't matter. We're not you, we can probably get through to her." Haruhi argued.

"Then tell me, have you made any progress?" Mamoru asked clearly annoyed. Silence cleared the room.

"Actually they have, so leave them alone Mamoru!" I ran in front of them. Everyone eyes widened. "I warned you, I warned you not to tell absolutely anyone, but you broke your promise. I reached out to you and decided to tell you two everything when I was ready, but you went behind my back and told someone."

"A-Ayaka, i-it's not like that!" Mamoru yelled.

"Then what was it? I know you told them about my past, what else have you kept from me? I. Trusted you." I said on the verge of crying again. Why am I'm so sensitive?

"We just told them parts that we knew. We didn't tell them anything else." Taro said trying to avoid eye contact.

"How am I suppose to believe you now?" I said with my voice quivering.

"Don't worry. He's not lying." Kyoya said as he slams his notebook shut.

"I'll believe you. Just this once." I said walking back upstairs. I guess I'm starting over. "I'm going to my room."

"Wait Ayaka! You are not locking yourself in your room again!" Taro yelled as he ran in front of me. I pushed him out of my way gently.

"Move." I glared at him as I continued going up the steps.

"Ayaka! Don't do it." I stopped when Mamoru calls out to me from behind. " Don't leave us again. "

I turned around and smiled at all of them. " Rule one. Don't talk to me." Mamoru eyes widened. "Ayaka don't."

"Rule two. Leave me alone."

"Ayaka stop!" My brother yelled.

"Rule three. Ignore me."

"Ayaka..." They said.

"Now things can go back to normal. You don't have to worry about me, and believe me. I won't worry about any of you guys anymore. To think I could actually give you a chance." Hot liquid escaped my eyes as I smile. I ran to my room and locked the door.

Ayaka... I will... always... love you...

I collapsed on the floor and crawled into my bed. I rest my head on my knees as tears overflowed.

I will always be with you...

Well you didn't Nao. You really didn't. I cried as long as I could and before I knew it I passed out.

'When we graduate. I hope you'll become my wife Ayaka.' He smiled brightly that warms my heart every time I see it.

'I hope so too.'

A tear rolled down my eye. There is no meaning to the word True Love. It just doesn't exist.