The Dark Blue

Ch 52. The Start

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My phone kept ringing. Kept beeping. Kept stressing me out. Making me more and more anxious. Because it felt like he would pick up, because he always answered my texts so fast. It felt like my heart would stop.

"Hello?!" a mad woman's voice yelled into my ear. Did I get the wrong number? Or did he drop his phone somewhere?

"Uhm..." I mumbled, unsure of what to say. It felt very awkward and I was even considering hanging up.

"Who are you? What do you want?" complained the woman with her shrieky voice, clearly annoyed of me

"Is this Red's phone?"

"Red?" she chuckled. "Who the hell is that?"

"What are you doing with my phone?!" yelled Red's voice. I heard him very well even though it wasn't anywhere close his phone.

"This is your phone?!" The woman screamed. "It was so annoying, ringing like shit! And you are messing with girls, what an idiot you are! They don't want you, they just want to get things from you!" I was stunned, I couldn't believe what I was listening to. From what I heard... It was a horrible person. I didn't mean to jump into conclusions. But that was a very harsh thing to say. I couldn't even understand how Red was associated with a woman like that.

"Shut up." he told her calmly, like he was used to it. "It's a girl?"

"You better stop with this. I don't want you to get close to people, it will only tarnish my reputation." He ignored her.

"Hello?" he said into his phone, waking me up. I wanted to strangle that woman. A bit. A lot. She was telling him terrible things,

"Red?" I asked, just to make sure if it really was him. He was quiet at first, not able to say a thing due to that women talking to him in the background, which he was obviously ignoring. She suddenly snapped at him, yelling and making noises, then stopped instantly, disappearing from the hearing range.

"Yeah?" he finally replied to me which seemed like an eternity.

What was I thinking? What was I supposed to say? Sorry for trying to kiss you? I didn't even know why I did that. And he'd definitely ask me. But I still couldn't leave that matter alone. Because the real question was if I actually had feelings for Red. I kept asking me the same question over and over. But I didn't know. I never knew how it was to like someone. Because I had never liked anyone.

Or was I lying to myself? Because I had never felt like an emotional person. It felt like I had no emotions at all. Maybe love was something that was hidden deep into my heart. Something I've denied all the time.

I felt how he was waiting for my reply. I wondered if he could hear how my heart was hammering against my chest. I was that nervous. Because I had no idea of what to say. I never knew anything at all, I noticed.

"Red!" I pushed myself to shout. It was just awkward, which I regretted in an instant.

"Yeah?" he repeated, like I noticed was what he said earlier before I had called him. 

"I..." I stuttered. I couldn't sense if he was mad at me. "Can we just... make up?" I mumbled. I hoped that he didn't hear that a second after those words had exited my lips.

"What...?" he chuckled, then developing it to a huge laughter. It was embarrassing, how he was laughing at me and I just wanted to disappear. I decided to shut my mouth for once, before I embarrassed myself even more. "Did we fight or something?" he said, still laughing slightly.

He didn't remember? Or did he just forget it? Maybe it wasn't a real fight after all. Maybe I was the one exaggerating too much. "About... Last time." I kind of didn't want to remind him. But I still did, so it was too late anyway. Because it was really awkward, what I did. I regretted it with my all.

"That?" I was ready to get ashamed. Whatever he was going to say to me, I'd take.

"Define that." I mumbled. I wanted to make sure if he even understood what we were talking about. I tapped the phone impatiently with my nails scratching against the back of the phone.

"Because you wanted to see my face?"

Was he serious. Was he just mocking with me? Because. Wasn't it obvious that I wanted to kiss him? Or did it look like I wanted to he his face more, all like that up-close?

"Audree?" he called my name. I woke up, completely absorbed into my thoughts. He was serious. 

"Yes... That's it." I went along with it. Because I didn't want him to know. And I had worried all the time for nothing. I could finally relax, feeling my stiff shoulder lighten in relief. He chuckled. He seemed to take it lightly that I wanted to see his face. "Do you have a big scar or something?" I asked him.

"No. You just can't see it." he told me. I was curious. But I knew that he wouldn't be picky about something if it wasn't serious. I was just all relieved because I no longer needed to think about what I did or about my feelings. Or actually... those feelings would still remain as a question in my heart. The true question was if I'd ever figure them out. It was like a puzzle. I was all confused,

"Okay." I smiled, feeling slightly worried. I wanted to just stand in front of the mirror. Watch myself in action. How my emotions would show themselves. What colors they were. That was the most important part. I could just do that. It would have been so much easier. But there would be no use, unless I figured it out by myself. If I just "saw" the emotions in the mirror, it would be all fake. I'd know everything, and try to fake the feeling. Which is the reason I had tried to not look into mirrors, and when I'd have to, I had always tried to think empty thoughts.

"Why did you call me then? You never call me." Red asked. I was simpering slightly, I was surreptitiously trying to push back that extra heartbeat that suddenly occurred. I felt all warm and giggly. Because I was happy that I finally made up with him.

"I just miss you. You usually pick me up after training."

"You want me to come now?"

I felt all warm again, feeling happy that he asked. "Let's see how fast you are." I joked. He chuckled, then hung up in hurry. I bet he was running by now. I put my phone on the bench I was sitting on, moving onto the application for the contest.

"Hey." Red suddenly appeared behind me. That was fast. Too fast. I couldn't process it well, that he was there with me already, even though we were fine by that moment. There were no fight. But I still felt unprepared.

It was like he could read my mind, because he knew that I was bothered. "I'm not mad at you, okay?" he repeated from our earlier conversation. I nodded, still a bit worried. It felt so unreal that he was there with me after what happened. It seemed like something we would get past, but after seeing him standing in front of me all friendly like nothing had happened, it immediately seemed like an idiotic matter. I smiled and clung myself on him into a hug.

"How did you get here so fast? Your place is twenty minutes away from here."

"I was nearby." he mumbled, as if he didn't know what to say.

"Okay." I said, then eagerly showed him my application. He took it, leading me out as he read it.

"You're going to participate?" he asked me. I nodded.

"I hope I'll be able to get it."

"Definitely." Red brushed my hair through his fingertips. "You ready?" he asked. At first I didn't understand what he was talking about, until i understood that he had led me to a mailbox. I looked at the yellow mailbox, feeling all excited.

"Yeah." I took a deep breath, then finally released my grip on the application. I heard a dropping sound as it hit the bottom of the box, knowing that it was the start of my new life, and my career.

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